Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends

What's up everyone, I'm pushing the deadline a bit today but you know us here at Yankees 2000 wouldn't feel right about signing off on 2005 without one final post. So everyone knows the best part of New Year's is popping open the champagne and ringing the new year in with some style.

As the big night and the champagne draw ever closer, I wanted to give you guys five reasons to suck that bubbly down to, and five reasons to pour some out for. Without further ado...

5 Reasons to Pour Some Out:

5. Doug Mientkiewicz.

There are some things in sports fandom you can't explain. Sometimes you develop a shining for the player without any real good reason why. For me, Doug Mientkiewicz is one of those players. Maybe it's the last name. Maybe it's the self-deprecating sense of humor. Maybe it's that I wore No. 16 in my youthful days of Upper West Side soccer/baseball dominance. Maybe it's the boyish good looks. Who knows?

Whatever the reason, I campaigned hard for the Mets to make a move for Mientkiewicz last winter, and I've been on his jock pretty hard ever since he first donned the orange and blue. 2005 wasn't Dougie's finest season. His fielding was strong but unexceptional. He was by and large a disaster at the plate. When it was over, he openly bashed the Mets as an organization that didn't have a clue.

Through it all, however, Eyechart found a place in my heart and on my back, the black Mets t-shirt with his name and his (our!) number emblazoned on the back replacing on most occassions the famed orange Jose Reyes t-shirt that had predominated in the previous 2 seasons.

As I look forward to 2006, as I look forward to being the only guy in Shea with a Doug Mientkiewicz t-shirt on, I would be remiss if I didn't pause to pour some out for good old Dougie Doug.

RIP, pal.

4. Fran Healy.

This one's not a done deal. If Fran has proven anything in his 20-plus years of service out of the Mets broadcast booth, it's that the man is a survivor. Just when you think he's about to get axed, somehow Healy avoids the chopping block.

With the onset of the Mets' new regional network SportsNet New York (aka, The Metwork), Healy's tenure with the Mets faces perhaps its most dire threat yet. Houdini himself would be hard pressed to figure a way out of the trap Healy is in, and with that in mind, it's only fair that we pay our respects.

A lot of us don't think much of Healy as an announcer. I certainly don't. But there's no changing the fact that his commentary has been part of the experience of watching the Mets my entire life. Am I going to miss his trademark calls (Can 'o corn! or the famous, Ground ball to Reyes... Got 'em!! come to mind), his product placements, or his beef with Keith Hernandez? The truth is I will on some level. I'll recognize of course that the broadcasts are better off without him, but I can still feel some twinge of nostalgia wash over me as I consider that I may have heard his last call of a Mets game ever.

3. Mike Jacobs.

You know the one. The guy with the sweet swing and the slicked back blond hair. I was at the game where he got his first at-bat and crushed that pitch (it might have been the first one he ever saw) over the wall in right field for a 3-run home run.

As the 2005 season went on and Doug Mientkiewicz increasingly found himself on Willie's bench, I developed the habit of booing the shit out of any player chosen to play first base in his stead. Sometimes these boos were entirely warranted (Miguel Cairo, more on him later), other times they weren't (Chris Woodward).

But there was on exception to the rule, none other than Mike Jacobs. The Jake gave the Mets a jolt that lasted about as long as that series in Arizona (you know, the one before the wheels came off on our entire season?), for which he was summarily rewarded with a trade to the dismantling Florida Marlins.

I'm as happy as anyong to see Carlos Delgado arrive at Shea. He's everything the middle of our lineup needed last year. But it's always sad to part with one of the young success stories of your farm system, even when it is the right move.

Best of luck to you next year, Jake. You've got a lifetime (or at least 3 years, before we forget) of cheers at Shea Stadium coming your way.

2. College.

Over. Done. Gone. Finito.

Truth is, I was plenty ready to graduate by the time June came around. I'm also pretty happy to be done, and I've been enjoying my time as a young professional.

But at the same time, college is college. It's a unique time in your life when you can try so many things, meet so many people, slay so many chicks (or not... salt), and kill so many thirty bangers. Everyone's got their own things that they loved about college so I won't bore you with mine. Suffice it to say that the Village Beautiful was good to me, and I'll always think back to it and smile.

1. Joe McEwing.

I may cry as I write this. My love affair with Super Joe dates back almost as long as I can remember. It probably has a lot to do with the circumstances surrounding his departure from the St. Louis Cardinals, who traded him to the Mets in exchange for the ageless Jesse Orosco.

Joe had been a fan favorite in St. Louis following his rookie season when he somehow hit .275. His hustle was legendary. So much so that before he walked out the door that final time after the trade was announced, manager Tony LaRussa called Joe Mac into his office for a chance to say goodbye, and one more thing...

Tony LaRussa: Joe, one last thing before you go?

Joe Mac: Sure, skip, anything. What is it?

LaRussa: Joe, before you go, I gotta get your spikes.

So impressed was LaRussa with McEwing's hustle and work ethic that he insisted upon getting a pair of his cleats for his office, that they might remain a constant reminder to his players of the value of hard work.

When Joe McEwing was released on the fateful day in March, a little part of me died. But let me close with the following excerpt from an article by Marty Noble on MLB.com:

Tommy Bowes has been the head groundskeeper at the Mets' Spring Training and minor league headquarters since 1988, and he's been close to a number of players over the years.

"Saying goodbye to Joe," Bowes said, "is like when they said goodbye to Lou Gehrig in the movie [Pride of the Yankees]. Everyone lined up behind Gary Cooper.

"I've seen some guys cut in Spring Training, but no one has had the effect that Joe's leaving is having. These guys are going to know he's not around."

Then Bowes turned to David Wright and said, "You're him in a younger form. Stay the way you are."

Rest in peace, old friend. Rest in peace.

5 Reasons to Suck it Down.

5. Miguel Cairo is no longer a Met.

Just like there are players who you irrationally adore, there are also those players you irrationally despise. Miguel Cairo is not one of those players. He just sucks. The guy had 10 RBI in 218 at-bats out of the 2-hole last year.

Now look, I know Reyes doesn't get on as often as we'd like, but we also know that when he did get on base, he scored with great frequency. Part of that surely had to do with Cairo moving him over once in a while, but how many times must Cairo have batted with Reyes on 2nd when a single could score a run? I'll bet it's sure as hell a lot more than 10 times.

I thought the Cairo signing was a good one when it happened. As it happened, however, Cairo did nothing but suck and take time away from Anderson Hernandez, Kazuo, and, inexplicably, Dougie Doug over at first. Thank god he is off the team.

4. The left side of the infield.

The lovefest with David Wright never stops around here does it? You know what, you've all heard it so many times before about both Wright and Reyes, but let me just say this. Think of all the years of prospects who never amounted to anything. Now we've got two 23 year olds, one of whom is already nasty, the other of whom is pretty good and has an almost unlimited cieling if he could just learn to take a pitch or work a count.

We're looking at two quality guys who are good ballplayers and, somehow, better citizens. It's a special time we're living in with these two. Think of them on new year's as you sip your champagne and imagine drinking champagne, say, in late October some time.

3. Respectability.

The Mets were so bad for those three years there. Like they almost became unwatchable. Certainly it was nothing compared to the excitement of 2005, when the team finally turned the corner and became fun again.

For all those who don't know (that is, all the Yankee fans out there) this is part of the cycle of baseball. You're good a few years, you're bad a few years, and on and on. It makes the winning that much sweeter. We didn't win often enough in 2005 to truly erase the memory of 2002-2004, but that reminds me...

2. The dream of 2006.

Are we a favorite to win the World Series? No. Are we the favorite to make the World Series out of the National League? No. Are we even the damn favorite in our own division? No.

But one thing the Mets definitely will be in 2006 is contenders for each of those. The team Omar and Co. have put together should be in position to make a serious run at toppling the Braves for the first time since I was single-digits in age (yes, it's really been that long). If not that, the Mets should make a strong bid for the National League Wild Card.

And then once you're in the playoffs, who knows what'll happen? Pedro's as good a No. 1 as you can ask for. The offense looks like it should be pretty balanced. Who knows where this team will end up in 2006? It should be fun to watch one way or the other, and that's a start.

1. Readers like you.

Honestly, the following we've cultivated and the feedback we get here at Yankees 2000 means a lot both to me and old Sippy Momo. We hope you've enjoyed the content here in 2005, and we're gonna do everything to make it even better in 2006. By which I mean we'll just hope to become better writers, get some pictures up, and call it a day at that.

Best of luck to everyone in 2006!

- A.F.O.M.G.

New Year's Resolutions for the Starting Nine

What's up guys, A Friend of Mr. Glass' here. Not a lot going on in Met or Yankee land. The Mets signed a reliever, Chad Bradford, but to be honest I can't recall ever seeing him pitch. He seems to have been part of the much-maligned Red Sox bullpen in 2005, and I have to say it's with no great enthusiasm that I note that all the articles on this guy downplay, at best, or omit, at worst, how he did last year.

But the news is not all bad, and if you're in a hopeful kind of way, there's a lot to like with this signing. The angle being worked by most of the media is that Bradford has never allowed a run in 9.2 postseason innings, and that his sidewinder delivery would make Dick Cheney blush. In spite of what kind of numbers he put up last year (which, in fairness, weren't horrible on the whole, it's just that his speciality, retiring right-handed batters, suffered), this is a pretty solid move for the money we invested.

Omar locked up Bradford with a 1-year, $1.4 million deal, so Fred "Money Ain't a Thing" Wilpon didn't have to tap into the retirement fund to make this happen. Best of all, if Bradford can return to form, the Mets could have a dominant left-right combo in the bullpen between Bradford and Aaron Heilman.

OK, they're both right-handed pitchers, but they have different strengths. Right-handed hitters have a .225 average against Bradford in his career. As mentioned earlier, that number ballooned to .282 last year, but we've got a new year on the way and we're trying to think positive here. Besides, Bradford was returning from injury in 2005, and that's always challenging. Meanwhile, Heilman and his two pitches held lefties to a .208 average.

If Bradford can return to form, if Heilman can prove last year wasn't a fluke, and if Billy Wagner can be Billy Wagner, this bullpen, to quote "Major League" (one of our favorite movies here at Yankees2000), may not be so fuckin' bad. We're still counting on the Juan Padillas, Royce Rings, and Heath Bells to provide some quality innings, but I'm confident enough in those guys to git-'r-done in the year ahead. That's the last Larry the Cable Guy reference this site will ever have.

Anyway though, by this point you're probably wondering where the hell the title of this post came from. In keeping with the spirit of Sippy "Vacationing from Vacationing" Momo's posts of the last two days, I decided to look around our projected starting lineup on Opening Day 2006 and offer some new year's resolutions for each player.

Obviously, some of the below is guesswork. I don't know exactly who will start in certain areas (by which I mean second base and right field), nor do I know that some of the other players won't get hurt or traded before Opening Day. I'm going with educated guesses based on the players we have now -- enjoy.

1. Pedro Martinez, SP: Stay healthy; keep arm from falling off.

With Pedro the only real concern is health. As he demonstrated last year, the read on his fastball isn't the most important part of his game, and he can still be a dominating pitcher without it.

Now look, do I expect him to be as good in 2006 as he was in 2005? Not really. Pedro was just about everything you could ask for last year. If he does it again, and I'm not going to say he can't, that's just gravy, but even if his ERA rises to the 3.10 ballpark he'd still be a No. 1 pitcher who would electrify Shea Stadium.

I've said it many times, with a better lineup supporting him last year, Pedro could've won 20 games. Pedro figures to have a better supporting cast in 2006, both in the lineup and in the bullpen (anyone remember that time Pedro left the game with an 8-0 lead that the bullpen couldn't hold?). Twenty wins is conceivable if Pedro stays healthy.

So how can Pedro make this resolution actionable? No. 1: Do not play in the World Baseball Classic. No. 2: Do NOT play in the World Baseball Classic.

I'm sorry, someone with the Mets just has to level with him on this one. He was injured at the end of 2005, he says his toe is still hurting him, and now he wants to go throw competitive innings for the D.R. The Mets not only have a lot of money invested in this guy, but they've got a lot invested in 2006. If you look at the ages and contracts on the Mets, you'll see that this team is built to make a run in 2006, hopefully in 2007, and then who knows about 2008.

In order for the Mets to accomplish their goal in 2006, Pedro must remain healthy. If he goes down, there's a good chance the Mets' season goes down with him. He cannot play in the WBC. End of story.

2. Paul lo Duca, C: Stay what you are.

Mr. Lo Duca, you're not Mike Piazza. Nobody's asking you to be Mike Piazza. You don't come in to Shea burdened with huge expectations, we just want you to be sufficient. We want you to make us not second guess Omar for passing on Ramon Hernandez or Bengie Molina. We want you to be a leader in the clubhouse and an ambassador for the team with the media. If you continue doing everything that you've done in your career and avoid developing a Mike Piazza shadow complex, you'll be just fine.

3. Carlos Deglado, 1B: Provide middle-of-the-lineup pop; nail Anna Benson.

These two are self-reinforcing. First you hit the homeruns. Then you get the love of the fans. Then you get the love of the players' wives. Oldest trick in the book. You read that interview where she bashed you. Yeah... this girl's taken notice.

4. Kazuo Matsui, 2B: Don't kill yourself.

Sometimes I wonder how the Kaz Matsuis of the world don't decide to put on that song by the Landlords that was sort of about Amanda and kill themselves. Like Roger Cedeno before him, KazMat is a lightning rod for fans' ire. There's no great mystery here. Kazuo has been a bust any way you slice it.

But he's shown flashes, hasn't he? I remember watching a game mid-summer 2004 when Kaz went with a pitch and punched it into center for a base hit. Seeing Kaz adjust in the box to the pitch being thrown, Keith Hernandez instantly declared that Kaz Matsui would hit .300 that year (he was hitting .270 or so at the time if my memory serves).

Readers of this site know I'm on Keith's jock pretty hard. I believe he was right about Kaz, and that if he'd stayed healthy, he would've put together a solid first season, at least at the dish (his fielding sucks, I don't think there's any way around it).

Let's give the guy one last chance to redeem himself. He couldn't possibly redeem the contract he was awarded before 2004, but a solid season in 2006 would at least help us forgive. So don't boo him if you're there on April 3, and if you really want to help the guy out (albeit with a meaningless gesture), take a moment and add your name to the Don't Boo Kaz petition, available here: http://www.petitiononline.com/nobookaz/petition.html.

5. David Wright, 3B: Marry my sister.

This isn't a knock against Studly Steve. Truth is, there's not a guy out there against whom David Wright wouldn't be a significat upgrade, myself included. The guy's just perfect. He's already a great player. He's determined to get better and become one of the best players in the league. He's popular in the clubhouse. He's got a megawatt smile. What more do you want?

My whole life I've seen one prospect after the other come and go without hardly ever making a blip on the major league radar. Alex Escobar, anyone? Mets fans suffered through the Escobars, and the Generation Ks, but at last, a savior is come. David, it would be an honor to welcome you into the family. Think it over.

6. Jose Reyes, SS: Improve pitch selection; get on base more; make me change my blogger name.

Jose Reyes' flaws are well known to Mets fans, so there's little reason to belabor them here. Suffice it to say that Reyes scores ridiculously often when he gets on base, but getting on base 3 out of 10 times just doesn't cut it for a leadoff hitter. The guy needs more plate discipline. If he can get on at a .350 clip the Mets would score 1000 runs. OK, maybe not 1000, but they'd probably score enough to be one of the better offensive teams in the National League.

Now look, a .350 OBP is not absolutely inconceivable, his OBP in July 2005 was .355 after all, but I'll concede it's not bloody likely when you consider is OBP numbers in August and September were .300 and .302, respectively. You know what? A .350 OBP isn't going to happen. Let's call it a deal at .325.

As for the third resolution, you made big strides on this front in 2005. The nickname "Mr. Glass" isn't entirely fitting for a guy who played in 161 games last year, now is it? You keep it up in 2006 and you could go around the clubhouse singing out "Unbreakable! What you thought they called me Mr. Glass?" over and over and it'd actually make sense. Hell, I may just have to change my blogger name to A.F.O.J.R.

7. Cliff Floyd, LF: Channel the 2005; get over Killer Cam being traded.

What more do you want out of old Cliff than for him to do everything he did in 2005? He was healthy and productive, what more can we ask? I guess in a perfect world he wouldn't be so streaky, but if the numbers come out at the end of 162 games in 2006 looking anything like they did at the end of 2005, I'll take it.

As for the loss of Killer Cam, that's a hard one. He was your best friend on the team, but you've still got D-Wright (speaking of which, word is you're not going to make him carry your luggage anymore, what gives?). We all liked Mike Cameron here at Yankees 2000, but he's in a better place now. Rejoice.

8. Carlos Beltran, CF: Channel the everything you did before 2005; get that facial wart removed.

As good as Cliff was in 2005, Carlos Beltran was bad. Again, this isn't a point worth belaboring. Everyone knows Beltran busted about as much as you could possibly imagine in 2005. As much as we heard about Beltran being a 5-tool player, you maybe saw one or two of those tools last season, and none of them were seen at the plate, which is where you expect to see them in a guy making $119 million over 7 years.

Now look, is Beltran ever going to be worth the money we paid him? Probably not. He's just not that absolute top-tier kind of player as far as I can tell, although he may prove very good when all is said and done. But Carlos isn't beyond hope. He was a pretty great player in the years before he became a Met, and with Delgado added to the lineup and the continued ascendence of David Wright, maybe Beltran will be able to relax some in 2006.

But yeah, about that facial wart, that thing's gotta go. Come on, Carlos, you're making 17 mil a season, you're better than that thing. I want it gone by Opening Day.

9. Victor Diaz, OF: Make me look smart, appear in lineup on Opening Day.

Victor Diaz is one of these players who just doesn't do a lot for me so I'll keep this brief. It's a toss up as to whether Diaz or Xavier Nady will appear in the starting lineup on Opening Day. I'm guessing Diaz though. Assuming Livan Hernandez starts for the Nationals, Diaz has better numbers than Nady against righthanded pitchers (.257 versus .223) and better numbers against Hernandez (4-for-10 vs. 1-for-3, admittedly these are two very small sample sizes), so I'm guessing he's gonna get the nod on April 3.

So there you have it, resolutions for our projected opening day lineup. I've got another four days of blogging responsibilities looking at me so I may get around to resolutions for the bullpen and the scrubs, but we'll see. Keep checking in with Yankees 2000 -- there are no holiday breaks here.

- A.F.O.M.G.

RIP 2005

So this is it for me in '05. I'm gonna hand the reigns over to AFOMG for the next week or so.

Today is a special day. It is AFOMG's birthday, the big 2-3, so happy birthday my good friend.

Now down to business. As I promised yesterday, today is the "Happy Will Year in Review", it's my chance to count down the top 10 things that were great in '05. For those who missed Tuesday's entry, that one dealt with the negative. But now, the positive.

10. The Mets finished above .500.

Sure, with 83 wins, they were a measly 4 games over the break-even mark, but that stills gave them more more wins than losses after game 162, and that's more than we can say about any of the past 5 seasons. While I know it's not a lot, it was something. Willie led the team and wasn't Art Howe, a very good thing.

Now we've had this offseason. While I'm still very skeptical of the bullpen before Wagner and I'm very nervous that the starting pitching with break down, you gotta love the lineup we will be putting on the field every day next year. Just like prediction from 2001, "this team will score 1000 runs."

With the Marlins folding, the Phils standing relatively pat, though of course they lost Wagner to us, the division looks like it will be a two team race. We are back in '98 all over again, poised to compete with the Braves and that is awesome.

9. Blondies bar and Grill, 79th between Amsterdam and Broadway.

So this place gets a lot of love, but truth is, it deserves every ounce of it. The food is amazing. Whether you like wings or burgers, as long as you like unhealthy food, this is your spot.

Then there is the ambience. I think Zagat's gave it a 29 and why not. You walk in to about 30 televisions, a kiss and hug from Jill, the cougar owner. You go to the table to find AFOMG and J Schubes, the legendary Cousin Awesome and sometimes Friend Jeff.

Then, your favorite waitress, be it Tamra, our favorite southern vixen, or Kerry, a top nominee for "the most cuddleable girl in the world" come by start bringing out the free shots and the fun begins.

I'm one of those guys that laughs about anything certain people say, Cousin Awesome is one of them. The kid is a genius. And when he told me that I was a lock for the cover of People Magazine's "50 Sexiest Cousins," I think my life was made.

8. Lost

I missed the first season but after some heavy convincing from Paul Weiss legend and close friend to Y2k, Nick "The Voice", I gave the DVD a shot and was hooked. At the pace of a season of 24 I burned through season one in 4 days.

This show is just about as good as it gets. It is about as good a show as Rick Vaughn was a pitcher. And it features '05 Y2k biscuit of the year finalist, Evangeline Lilly, who is just ridiculously hot.

For those who haven't yet done so, take a watch.

7. New York Giants Football

If you would have told me 9 wins before the season started I would have told you you were reaching. Every bit of this season has been a pleasant surprise.

Sure, the team has been very up and down, but they have 10 wins and a shot at the division title going into week 17.

Eli has shown signs that only inspire confidence for the future.

Plax has cemented himself as the world's coolest person.

And Tiki really is just amazing. Even I don't appreciate this guy but I think it is time that we as fans and the league as an institution put him up with the big boys, Alexander, LT, Edge, Whoever is running behind the Chiefs O-line in the top backs in the league dept. He is a top 5 MVP candidate, loved by his teammates and the league. You really gotta love this guy.

While they don't deserve it, this team can win the NFC. When they are good they are great. It's just what happens when they stink that scares me. We shall see.

6. Jack Bauer is alive

24 is the best thing in the world and Jack Bauer is the world's best person. Season 4 continued to amaze, Jack remained Jack and now I only have about 3 weeks till the fun starts again. For those who read this site but do not watch 24, you're wasting 5 minutes every day when you could be doing something far more useful. This show will change your life.

I got AFOMG to finally watch it and that kid is one stubborn fuck. When someone is told about 24 and they finally get around to watching it they either hug the person that told them to watch in the first place or just give that look when you know that something great was done.

5. UGA football welcomed into my life.

In August I went down to Atlanta with Cousin Jason to meet a real Momo. That weekend we all went to the UGA Boise St. game...Holy Cow.

Now I was never that big a college football guy. Growing up in the NYC, college football was just never that big and boy does Cousin Jason let me know it.

So we make the drive to Athens, we arrive at 12 for a 5:30 start and can't find a parking space to tailgate. Cocked in a sling from shoulder surgery I walked around the campus and was greeted by perfect girls with perfect accents saying "Hey darlin', I hope you feel better."

It was receptions like these that inspire my weekly visits to thefacebook.com where I do searches of one of many generic names i.e. Katie, Lauren from UGA.

We tailgated with my pal Tremaine, a 27 year old good boy with a golden boy pedigree and his whole family. We all drank, talked DJ Shockley and Max Jean Giles. There were about 15 of them including his parents who were both about 60. The culture was just different.

One girl called one of our pals a "giant homo" for chewing an apple flavored dip.

Then Georgia went on to win in a route and thanks to Cousin Jason's recommendation, most of my trip down south was paid for.

GO DAWGS!!!

4. Cousin Dan got married

Cousin Dan, older brother of Cousin Awesome is just one heck of a guy. We all love Dan and he found the perfect gal to become the Mrs. Dan. Sorry to get a little soft here but I had to throw this one in. Yeah I shed a few tears at the ceremony, but there were a ton more laughs at Cousin's best man speech and the sight of Sippy Sr. on the dance floor.

3. The move out to SF and the NBA entourage

So SF has been pretty solid so far. Good people, nice weather, good food and a just decent change of pace for the Sip.

Big Maciej has been a very impressive tour guide, his friends have all been very welcoming.

Then there is the big fella. Maciej's good boy plays for the warriors so we get hooked up with it all. Sitting in front of Troy Murphy's two stripper groupies the other night was priceless though not nearly as awesome as betting over/under how long will it take for Adonal Foyle ot make it from the final buzzer to the bar/lounge after the game.

Note: Last weekend the over 14 minutes covered by just 2.

But the Warriors really play the most exciting brand of basketball in the NBA. They are young and fun and have me hooked after 2 weeks.

And while Chris Mullin is no Jerry West, he's also no Isiah which is awesome to know.

2. David Wright

I really am on this guy's jock. If I were gay this guy would be my crush. This kid is just the man. Everything about him oozes greatness.

This kid had an amazing season and then all you read about is how much he wants to keep on working to get better. Just knowing that we are watching the future greatest Met of all time develop is really special.

This kid will get us a ring and that excites the shit out of me.

Go get em, Davie

1. All you guys

I've had a blast writing this and having AFOMG on board with me makes it a true pleasure. We appreciate all your support, your lack of red-hairedness and your passion for our passion: Loving the Mets, hating the Yankees, and appreciating the brilliance that is Laguna Beach.

I look forward to taking this further in '06. It's inspired me to write a book next year documeting next year's baseball season with both the Mets and the Bankees.

Either way, it's all appreciated. To all you guys, especially you Happy Will, Happy New Year and I'll see you guys in the '06.

For one last time in '05, Vaya con Dios

SM

10 things that sucked in '05

So on Thursday I am off to Cabo for New Year's. It's a much needed vacation after a rough 6 weeks of intense unemployment, but hey, I'll take it. So this now leaves today and tommorow to provide my year in review.

As many of you may have picked up, Young Sip is a bit of a pessimist, even a cynic, you might say. So today I wanted to start off with 10 things I hated about 2005 or things that I was happy about that were indeed, negative.

10. Carlos Beltran

7 yrs, 119 million dollars and this is what we get out of this guy. While most Mets fans knew that we overpaid, that we couldn't expect 39 hr's hitting in shea, most Mets fans, myself included expected 25,100, .285 w/ 100 runs and 30 sbs.

Not even close.

Hopefully this can be chalked up to the pressure of playing in a new city. It better be. And by the way Carlos, why don't you use some of that money to remove that giant pimple by your ear. While I know the Mets don't adhere to Yankee rules on aesthetisism, come on now man.

9. Mark Ruffalo

Fuck this guy. As my good pal and Goat's main confidant "Kevin the Meathead" pointed out, this guy is a deuce. I mean, what a D-bag. Mark F'ing Ruffalo. Why don't you make some more cheesy ass movies you jerk.

Everything Ruffalo has touched of late has turned to salt. "Just Like Heaven" and the recent Christmas dud, "Rumor Has It", both tanked. And thank god. These role should be going to the Chris Klein's of the world.

8. Paralegaling

The worst job in the world has swallowed the likes of SM, AFOMG, J Schubes, JD and Nick the Voice. Talk about a waste of time. Throw a bunch of smart 23 year olds in an office and try and get them to do the dumbest shit possible.

Thing is, I shouldn't really complain. I think I had the easiest job in town. In my 14 months on the job I started one failed t-shirt business, a ticket brokerage, commisionered 4 fantasy leagues, researched and pounded Y2k's stock of the year, AOB, and watched "Point Break" on DVD enough to truly appreiciate the beauty that is Keanu Reeves.

7. The New York Knickerfuckers

All of our loyal readers know my feelings toward the Bricks. I dont know how many of you guys caught tonight's clunker, but boy do they stink.

Tied for the 2nd worst record in basketball, the Knicks are the disgrace of New York. Even Happy Will is sad: "The Knicks make me unhappy," said Happy Will. That's messed up. This guy believes in Santa Claus.

6. The inevitable cancellation of Arrested Development.

I caught onto this show late, but it is pretty unreal. It's just hilarious, smart, witty. Essentially I am the opposite of the target audience. See, I like cheap humor and things that don't really make you think; witness, for instance, my Keanu Reeves addiction. But even this one got me and it saddens me. Apparently Fox wants to replace it with another show about dancing with your grandmother or some shit. Oh well.

5. The Yankees lost again

This goes under the category of things that make me happy that are negative. God do I love seeing these guys lose. I love seeing Randy Johnson, the biggest sellout/coward in the world losing the deciding game. A-Rod hitting into the big double play. Everything about that game 5 was perfect and I was at Blondies where water turns to Jaeger. Awesomely bad.

4. Greg Raymer's continued success at the World Series of Poker

Now this may come off as insensitive, but this guy is one thing and one thing only: A fat loser. He's just such a dork that I hated to see him win and continue to do well. Those glasses make me sick and he is just the type of guy I don't really wish success on, in a similar way to the asshole Jewish kids from UPenn that decked themselves out in Black, cheesified the campus only to go to prominent investment banking jobs where they make a ton of money and buy happiness.

Note: Completely irrelavant, but Mark Wahlberg is currently singing "Stand up and Shout," in the 2003 smash "Rock Star" on tv now, which is making it really hard for me to think negative.

3. Black Friday Revisited

So let me take you back to the first friday or March, 2004. Brown was at Columbia laying 2. Behind Jason Forte, Luke Ruscoe and Patrick Powers, Brown was clearly the #2 team in the Ivy's. Columbia stunk was a joke and should have been a 10 point dog. So I pounded the shit out of Brown unlike any other game in my life.

This was it.

Brown was up 11 w/ 12 minutes to go. They were the better team. I was out to dinner with my father and my grandparents and was noticably distracted. Then it happened. Columbia went on some ridiculous 41-18 run and won by double figures.

So this year, not realizing the anniversary, I threw down some action on all four of the night's festivities.

Note: Ivy league games are played on Friday's and Saturday's and during my sophomore and junior years of college were the easiest games in the world to play.

The result: 0-4, 4 of the worst non-covers of all time. Im talking backdoor up the wazoo from the other side.

So there it is. The first friday in March. Officially my least favorite day of the year and a day that no man should ever bet on.

2. The OC turning into the worst show of all time

Season 1 I was a huge OC guy. I thought it was awesome, entertaining, great, fierce. Every positive in the book. Ryan was beating ass, Marissa was yet to suck, Luke played the most likable surf-meathead of all time and Seth's quirkiness was still likable.

Season 2 came and went and kind of stunk. But still, off the fumes of Season 1 it garnered my viewership.

But this season became flat out unwatchable. I gave the first three episodes a try and then stopped. For me to give up on a show, that says a whole lot. I watch terrible shows.

But not this one. Marissa went to a new school met a deuce and a kid named Flounder or something, Ryan wsa still tough but annoying. The show was just unwatchable.

And that saddens me.

Me and Lucy Girl used to partner up for our weekely college OC drinking game and now that memory is somewhat salted.

Note: Rock Star is awesome:

Jerk: "Wouldn't you rather fail as yourself than succeed as someone else?"

Marky Mark: "Maybe you can write me a song about why in the hell I would ever want to do that."

Heck of a line.

And now, drum role please. Clearly one thing this year was truly salty. Truly made me sick. Made me want to punch someone in their neck.

1. Johnny Fucking Damon

What a jerk. I hope the guy had a bad Christmas. I hope he saw people on the street who made fun of his lisp. I hope Josh Beckett, sweet chin hair and all, drills him in his face.

I've said plenty about the former JD that I don't really know what else to say.

But this guy is the worst. I hope there is an ice storn in New York this winter that blinds you.

That's all from Scroogey Momo. Tommorow I bring the happy things of '05, of which there are plenty.

Happy 2nd night of Hanukah, Mom.

SM

AFOMG is taking over for me on Thursday for a week. If there is anyone that would like to write something next week give me a call. If you don't know me, find someone who does. But to unmask the true identity of Sippy Momo would be devastating

Christmas in LA

So surprise, surprise. Mama Momo didnt like my anti-Hanukah remarks from Friday. As Ghostface once said, Word up mommy I love you. So, I guess I'm sorry.

So I'm out in LA for the holidays. I'm chilling with my old pal, big Mike Kassar, aka the Hulk. This kid is the future of the fine-dining industry and was always good for 14 and 10 on a nightly basis.

He's been known as "The Hulk" ever since the Summer of '04. We were playing basketball in the park and Mike was throwing his 6'4, 250lb frame everywhere. The kid is legendary for his sharp elbows and soft left-handed touch, and he was killing everyone out there. After a sequence where he got 5 straight offense rebounds and then threw it back down while wearing a green t-shirt, one spectator shouted: "Damn, that's that n***a the Hulk."

Anyway, it's weird spending Christmas in the 70 degree sun. With baseball at a bit of a stalemate, I wanted to take today to bash New York's finest basketball club, The Knickerbockers, in particular, surprise, surprise, Isiah Thomas, and more surprisingly Larry Brown.

I'm going to make this quick, because it is Hanukah, and Mom I sure am lighting candles and eating latkas like a proper child of Israel.

Anyway, Isiah. Two years on, the guy has performed a 100% overhaul of the team he inherited. That is, not one player from the roster remains.

In that time he has managed to turn the Knicks from a 35-win team in to what looks like a 25-win team. In the meanwhile, the Knicks are completely fucked with the cap for the next 3-4 seasons, appear to be building around Channing Frye, and are maybe the most boring team in the NBA. Nice work, Isiah.

Oh, and did I mention that when the Knicks have a top 5 pick this year it is being shipped off to Chicago thanks to that ingenius Eddy Curry deal?

Basically, you are the absolute worst executive in sports. Every player in the NBA dreams of playing at the Garden. With that and the ability to purge the luxury tax you would think that something good could be in the making.

Instead there is nothing. I like Frye, Ariza and Nate Robinson as much as the next guy, but come on guys, if these guys all peak in three years where are the Knicks? .500? It's all about whats going on in Golden State.

Then there is Larry Brown.

I woke up this morning at 11:30 PT, meaning the Pistons vs. Spurs game was already over.

But does anyone else see what's going on in Detroit? The Pistons, with basically the exact same roster as with Brown are 23-3, they're the best team in the league and look basically unstoppable. Is it possible that this team is just so good that Brown's coaching played second fiddle?

In '04, before they won the title, Detroit was fighting at the top of the Eastern Conference standings. It wasn't until March when they were able to steal Rasheed Wallace away from the then cap-shedding Atlanta Hawks that Detroit went on their run.

So maybe it's possible that in Detroit he had the players.

Then there is Philly. LB put together one dream season in Philadelphia, guiding the Sixers to an Eastern Conference Championship.

But again, there is baggage. This is when the Eastern Conference was the worst. The 4-5 best teams in basketball played in the West and the next best team in the East was the Toronto Raptors. Also, similarly to the Rasheed acquisition, the Sixers brought in Dikembe Mutumbo that year to help them make their real playoff surge.

Then there was the '04 Olympic team. Holy cow was that an embarassment. Not much more to say.

So here we have LB in New York now and the Knicks are the worst they have ever been. Who is responsible? Well according to Brown, he does not have "his type of players". I don't know, Larry. For $12 mil per you should be able to do a little something more with this team.

Now, I'm sorry if this comes off completely negative because that is not my intention. Clearly, Larry Brown is a great basketball mind. But is he that great?

I write this, sadly, because The Hulk is about the biggest Knicks fan I know and I kinda feel bad. The Knicks have nothing going now and nothing really to look forward to. They may be the worst franchise in all of sports over the next three years and that pains me.

But hopefully, god willing, Isiah will be gone and maybe I can become a Knicks fan again.

New Mets?

SM

Johnny Damon Part III: Boy Do I Hate This Fuck

So Johnny Damon really is a Yankee. This means he will get to spend a nice concrete gray Christmas in New York. In honor of JD's homecoming to the City, we here at Y2k have a nice Christmas list in store for Johnny D. As per the convention of the season, we checked out list twice.

Without further ado: 12 things I hope for Johnny Damon on Christmas.

1. A Free haircut and shave at my barber, Franco.

Franco, a diehard Yankee fan, would welcome Mr. Damon with open arms. He would cut his silky hair off and trim and shave his Sip-like beard. Little would Johnny Damon know it, but during his haircut I would kidnap his children.

2. Movie Tickets to "Brokeback Mountain".

While this movie is supposed to be about two gay cowboys who fall in love, separate, and then reunite only to find it hard to reconnect in the open, doesn't it really almost mirror the relationship between Damon's newest teammates, Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter?

3. A trip to the Steamin' Mikey Lehman school for speech repair.

Learn to speak Johnny...Tu tu tu today, junior!!

4. Courtside tickets to the Knicks.

Why? Two reasons. First, so Mets fans at the game can boo the shit out of him. Second, so he can be forced to sit through a game of Knicks basketball. You may remember back to our predictions over here at Y2k which were greeted with anger and bitterness (see: http://yankees2000.blogspot.com/2005/11/yanks-why-knicks-will-never-be-good.html). Come on, guys. And looks like young Benny Lyons will be doing pushups and eating tacos by the All Star Break.

Note: I made a similar bet with Noah from Arizona on the A's winning more than 90 games in 2006. That one he has a shot in.

5. A coupon to play bridge with my mom and her friends.

My mom may not be the biggest sports fan, but she knows when something has gone wrong. Even she thinks you're a coward.

6. An apartment in Chelsea next to your good pal A-Rod.

After your appearance for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Bostonians thought you were soft, but the good boys down in Chelsea still love you.

7. A copy of The Real World: Austin - The Reunion.

According to my good pal and humpday legend, and as a matter of fact the real Johnny D, you turned into a huge sellout last year. You and Danny should go hang out, talk about how cool you've become while deep down inside everyone hates you.

8. A limited edition DVD of "Strictly Ballroom".

One day when I was about 10 I was "sick" from school. My dad stayed home for some reason so my mom recommended that he take me to see that movie, which was playing at the Artsy Lincoln Center theater (Note to Old Chipper: You should have never taken me o that theater then, nor should you ever take me there ever again).

Anyway, yeah, "Strictly Ballroom". The title says it all.

9. A manicure at the Murray Hill nail salon.

Since we all know you are so pretty now, I'm sure you'd be into this shit. Plus, then you can meet your new biggest fans. No longer is it tight jeans and sneaker gals from Boston who are fun and likable. Instead, meet the world of dumpy Jewish girls named Lindsay all of whom are "amazing" and went to Indiana, GW or maybe Wisconsin, unless they were super smart and went to Michigan

10. A free cup of coffee from Bobby and Mikey's on 82nd and amsterdam.

See, everytime I walk into that deli, on average three times a day, I catch a "whats up my n----, SM" from the clerks, both of whom are Indian. We have a bond. They are family to me. Mikey watched the Mike Tyson fight at my house circa 1999 even getting a better seat than the Y2K Legend Tim "The Kid". See, little does Johnny D know, but my boys will take care of me and the interests of their loyal Upper West Side fan base, comprised only of Mets fans, by dropping some Indian love sauce into Johnny D's cup of coffee. Truth is, though, this guy is probably too dumb to even notice. Either that or he just won't mind to begin with.

11. A new pair of glasses.

He's going to need them after his first time up against Billy Wagner, because BW is going to drill him in his face. Billy is a good old boy (Go Dawgs!) and he understands when something needs to get done.

12. A therapist.

Because Johnny D, in all honesty, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. You went from being a god, a centerpiece of the best story to happen to baseball in maybe 50 years, to being an enemy. Boston hates you and the fact is, Yankee fans are too spoiled to appreciate you.

To them you're just another high-priced superstar. But you won't be pretty on this team. You wont be the best outfielder. You won't be the coolest white guy. You may not even be the best leadoff hitter. All you're going to be is another piece, another link in the chain. In Boston you were LOVED. Here, people just won't really care. Not to mention the fact that you'd have a much nicer house in Boston.

That's my wishlist for you, Johnny. Again, I hope you get seriously injured. If I see you anytime soon I'm going to punch you in the neck and then stab you in your ear. AFOMG has the glass bottle and I'm bringing my whole army with me. My goal is to make your life miserable in New York, because god knows you deserve it.

To everyone else, have a Merry Christmas. As for you Jews out there who still celebrate Hanukah, give it up. I'ts an excuse to make little Jewish kids not feel excluded, but when you hit the age of 15, it is just dumb.

Get "Point Break" at your local video store for 9.99 on DVD. It makes one hell of a stocking stuffer.

SM

Love ya LH

A Day Later: 10 Potential Analogies to Johnnny the Sellout

And I'm still sick. AFOMG really said everything that needed to be said. For those who missed it, his article yesterday was pretty damn amazing (you can find it at the end of this post, or by clicking here: http://yankees2000.blogspot.com/2005/12/we-have-just-lost-cabin-pressure.html).

This may be the biggest sellout in the history of sports.

Today I will provide 10 analogies to Johnny Damon's move.

10. Mike Piazza demanding a trade to the Braves in 1999.

This was the heat of the Mets-Braves Rivalry. For basically the first time in my life as a Mets fan, there was a team that I truly hated. Chipper Jones, John Rocker, Leo Mazzone and 1,700 straight division titles stood in the way of the Mets reaching the top. "Have you seen Chipper's pecs?" Piazza asked effusively. "And, man, he's got those great big King Kong arms. Look, I liked that dude who wears the helmet everywhere as much as the next guy, but come on, these are the Braves. You know, with the division title every single year? I mean, the Braves! Hello?"

9. Me switching from Camp Cedar to Camp Wildwood because they offered me preference of bunks.

See, I was a bit of a legend back in the day. If you travelled around the woods of southern Maine, people were talking about a fiery 5'6 2 guard from New York that most knew as Buddha. A Victor Page clone, 8-for-23 nights were my M.O.; needless to say, opposing camps entered the Cedar gym shaking. Until that day when I went to Wildwood to join forces with Jan Milewicz, Adam Lubart and those hatable Wildwood jerks.

8. The cast of "Friends" giving up the coffee shop to go to the local Starbucks.

Sure, the coffee might be better, the scones tastier, and the brand more respected, but these friends were all about Central Perk. "We're just such good friends," Chandler said after the sudden and unforeseen move. "But the thing you need to understand is, there are 6 of us. That's just the way it is. Central Perk was great, but that Gunther guy just didn't get the 6-friends memo. At Starbucks there's no such confusion. It was the right move."

7. Peyton Manning voiding his contract to sign with the New England Patriots.

Said Manning, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Gosh, Golly the heck. 54's the Mike. It'd be an honor to back up Tom Brady. Check, check! On the ball! On the ball!"

6. Good Will Hunting giving up intelligence to be dumb.

This guy was smart. He was a bad ass smart dude and the inspiration for my fake Boston accent circa 1998. For some unknown reason Will decided being smart was uncool and he no longer wanted to destroy barney's who were "embarassing my friend, impress this girl."

5. My dad giving up Judaism to become a Christian.

Old Chipper ran my temple for years just because he's a good guy. I never thought he really cared about the whole thing, he just knew he was a smart guy who could help out people he cared about. Unfortunately, when the Church of Jesus Christ offered him a new bottle of scotch and a lifetime to Newsweek, he just couldn't turn dow.

4. Dave Delaney, U Penn's legendary Abercrombie laxdog renouncing lax and its culture to role with my brother and his economist crew.

No longer would he float to jambands and being chill, instead he felt that E. Momo and his crew could provide him with more stability and a better future. He no longer rolled with people wearing tattered hats, instead choosing to turn to Brooks Brother scarfs and latees.

3. AFOMG going to the one of the delis on 83rd or 81st and Amsterdam instead of going to Bobby and Mikey's.

See, Bobby and Mikey have been selling us forties since we were about 12 and have probably gotten more hugs from me in the last 10 years than any member of my family. Unfortunately, AFOMG found he could save 10 cents on his morning cup of coffee if he made the switch and realized he could save upwards of 30 dollars a year, which he would then use towards a trip to his new digs watching his beloved Yankees.

2. Patrick Ewing signing with the Bulls in 1998.

The Bulls had a vacancy, and it would have allowed The Warrior to fill the void left by his fellow former Knicks teammate and frontcourt mate, Bill Cartwright. Ewing wanted to win a championship and what better place to go than with Michael, Scottie and crew?

1. AC Slater accepting a football scholarship to go play at Valley.

Imagine if Slater had spurned the Tigers of Bayside in his senior season, packed his dimples and joined backfield monsters Dan and Stan Clegg over at Valley. No more Preppy, no more Mama, Slater was simply about winning. He realized after the episode where him and the other football players cheated when Kelly was the teacher that he needed to go to a more proven program. Coach Sonsky couldnt serve as both a wrestling and football coach so Slater left.

I hope these analogies suit you. Johnny Damon, if you read this, and I know you will, let me say this to you.

What you did was wrong. It stinks for you, for baseball, for the Red Sox, and for the Yankees. You look like an absolute moron on espn.com with your beard shaved and your hair cut. I will be there with AFOMG and many others to boo the shit out of you. I can't wait until your first return to Fenway. I hope you don't make it out alive.

I hope Jason Varitek starts a fight with you the first time you come to the plate. He resigned because he has loyalty and class. You are just a huge bitch. You can never go home again, Johnny, was it worth it?

And to think that I bought a Royals hat back in 1998 because I was a big Johnny D guy. You suck. You're worse than the record executive from Airheads.

I hope you tear your ACL on a rusty needle in your new apartment in the Meat Packing District or on 5th avenue. If I ever seen you in New York I'm going to fight you, and AFOMG is going to crack you with a forty ounce bottle he bought from Bobby and Mikey because that's the classy, loyal way to do it.

Word is bond,

SM

L Boogs. We love you man and are going to miss you.

We Have Just Lost Cabin Pressure

(Note: Both Sippy Momo and A.F.O.M.G. have written pieces in response to the Johnny Damon deal. A.F.O.M.G.'s piece begins immediately following this note, while Sippy Momo's begins following the conclusion of this post. Enjoy.)

I didn't get the news until early this morning, a morning that was earlier than most thanks to the ongoing transit strike here in NYC (somewhere, Sippy Momo is sitting on a lawn chair, taking in the massive California sun and asking himself what ever took him so long to leave gotham behind). But this is not a day to complain about your commute, even if it did clock in at two hours, more than a quarter of which was spent in the cold either waiting for the bus or walking the final half mile.

That was bad. Johnny Damon signing with the Yankees was worse.

You know, when I think about it I can't recall a free agent defection that I found so devastating. That includes the Mets. The Scott Kazmir trade comes close, but that was sheer (ahem) idiocy on the part of management, not callous betrayal on the part of a player.

And really, that's what it is. Baseball's a business, but let's call a spade a spade here. Consider who Johnny Damon is and what he has seen. He signed with Boston before the 2002 season. The Sox didn't make the playoffs his first year in Beantown, but 2003 was a different story.

The 2003 season and postseason reignited the Yankees-Red Sox rivarly in a truly meaningful way. Now yes, I know the Yankees and Red Sox always hate each other, but in 2003 there was substance to the familiar story line. Both teams were good. They battled it out through 162 games and then met in the American League Championship Series.

Everyone remembers that incredible 7-game ALCS in October 2003. The series featured the timeless Pedro Martinez-Don Zimmer duel, plenty of Cowboy-Up! signs, and, yes, an unlikely 11th home run from Aaron Boone to crush the dreams of Red Sox Nation.

But it wasn't just Red Sox Nation. Let's be honest, in those days what Mets fan didn't temporarily jump on the Red Sox bandwagon? We have no reason to hate the Red Sox, we have every reason to hate the Yankees, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. On top of that, it's not like the Red Sox ever won anyway, so they had the underdog mystique which Mets fans have no choice but to embrace, no matter how big our payroll (or the Red Sox' for that matter) is.

Now I didn't pull a Happy Will here or anything, but I was rooting for the Red Sox pretty damn seriously. So seriously, in fact, that Boone's home run was the catalyst for one of the most belligerent actions of my life. As Boone was trotting around the bases, my then-acquaintance, now-friend Will X started heckling me for being a Mets and Red Sox fan and how much that sucked, so I threw a beer at him. (Incidentally, I've never been a fighter, but I must say I've got to wonder what I'd be capable of if the Mets ever found themselves in the Red Sox' shoes).

But this isn't about me, it's about Damon. Like all the other Red Sox, Damon trudged off the field that night as Yankee fans celebrated all around them and the Evil Empire grew that much more evil. That was the taste left in Damon's mouth throughout the offseason leading up to 2004.

Zoom forward a year from where we left off. Damon has hit the critical grand slam that helps complete the Red Sox' improbable comeback against the Yankees. He has helped his team erase not only a 3-0 deficit over the Yankees, but also 86 years of futility against their familiar nemesis.

He embodies the Red Sox. His long hair waves in the wind. He walks around naked in the clubhouse. He coined the team's nickname, The Idiots, for god's sake. He is a character on a team of characters. And all of the city of Boston loves him for it. After the Sox complete a four-game sweep of the Cardinals in the World Series, Damon becomes immortal in Boston.

The 2005 season was decidely less eventful in this latest Yankees-Red Sox story arc, that's true. What didn't change, however, was Damon's popularity in Boston and throughout all of baseball. He was the symbol of the scrappy, never say die Red Sox who toppled the Evil Empire.

And look at him now. Now he IS the Evil Empire. His long hair will be gone, his beard shaved. I don't know one way or another whether he'll be allowed to walk around naked in the Yankees' clubhouse before and after games, but I'm sure A-Rod is keeping his fingers crossed.

If you ever needed to be reminded that baseball players don't give a damn about rivalries or franchises or the fans, let me, Johnny Damon seemed to say, remind you. They're nothing more than mercenaries. They don't care about you, me, or anything that the people who visit sites like this care about.

Look, that's their right. It's their career. If you offered me a lot more money to go work at a different company, chances are I'd take it in a heartbeat, especially if I knew the window for such a deal would be closed before my 36th birthday.

Even if we realize that rationally, however, we can't help but rebel against the idea. It's just too foreign to our way of thinking. What we want are players who give quotes like this

"There's no way I can go play for the Yankees, but I know they're going to come after me hard. It's definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It's not what I need."

and mean it. The speaker of that quote, Johnny Damon, clearly did not. He's willing to piss on everything he built in Boston? Fine, Johnny, you gutless sellout, go right ahead. But you can be damn sure that I will boo more lustily when Damon's name is called at those Mets-Yankees games than any other player on the field.

I'll boo harder than I did for John Rocker or Benitez or any player not named Doug Mientkiewicz who played first base for the Mets last year (with the exception of Mike Jacobs). And hopefully that asshole will hear it all the way in the batter's box. He won't have his hair covering his ears anymore, so hey, maybe it's possible.

But let's also be clear about one more thing. I can't blame the Yankees for this one. I really can't blame them for pursuing the best available free agent centerfielder, when centerfield was the one unquestionable weakness on their team last year. I mean really, who can fault Brian Cashman for getting queasy at the thought of Bubba Crosby manning centerfield?

The Yankees have an unfair amount of cash to spend, that's true. It is entirely absurd that a team such as the one the Yankees will field in 2006 should ever be possible outside of that one week in July when baseball pauses for its Midsummer Classic. Think of the lineup. Damon. Jeter. A-Rod. Sheffield. Giambi. Matsui. Posada. I don't think you could imagine a better lineup if you tried.

But again, this wasn't the Yankees' fault. It's not their fault for making a run at a player in a position where they've got a tremendous void. It's Damon's fault for not feeling any sense of loyalty to the Boston fans or the Red Sox organization. I can only hope the void he knows the rest of his days comes from never winning a world series with the Yankees and being despised in Boston in spite of the championship he won back when he had a soul.

Johnny Bleepin' Damon is a mother bleepin' Yankee.

We have just lost cabin pressure.

- A.F.O.M.G.

Johnny Fing Damon...

So Whoopity Doo. The Yankees signed Johnny Damon to a 4 yr/52 mill dollar deal. This deal essentially assures that the Yankees will field the best lineup ever to step field on a baseball field, and also the most expensive.

Before I get going with the money issue, let me just say this. I fucking hate Johnny Damon now. In the same way that Jason Giambi is a whiny little bitch for leaving Oakland, Damon is the same for leaving Boston.

Yankee fans will quickly counter with Billy Wagner. The difference is this. The Red Sox this year and the A's in '01 both offered Damon and Giambi respectively, 7-year deals. In each case, the player took more money to leave a situation where he was a god to come to a city where the cost of living is such that the extra $10 million dollars will soon disappear.

With Wagner, the Mets offered him an extra year, what may be his last year of his career. That is a difference maker.

But back to Damon. I hope this guy cuts his hair, shaves his beard and looks like a little bull queer. He was a king in Boston. He brought Boston a World Series, coined the team "the Idiots" and was, as sad it may sound, the "white face" of a city that is a pretty racist city.

Now he comes to New York, one of Mr. Steinrbenner's troops. I hope that ugly swing and female throwing style choke.

This deal also helps to truly differentiate the Yankees from all other teams in baseball. The Red Sox had offered Damon 4 yrs 40mill, 12 mil less than the Yankees.

Do you think there is anyway the Sox wouldn't match Damon's offer, to block him from going to their rival, the Evil Empire, Jeter and the ass pluggers, The Steroid Bunch if they saw any value in doing so?

The fact is Johnny Damon is 32, a leadoff man with declining speed at both the top of the lineup and in the outfield. Still he is a marquee guy. But like with everyone else, the Yankees overspent. They were able to keep Hideki Mastui off the market this winter by giving him 4/52 when the market dictated far less. Now they do the same with Damon.

The thing is this. 29 other teams in baseball set a market and the Yankees are just too far above it. Everyone else plays within a budget, the Yankees do not. Their average salary of a player on their 25-man roster is over $8 million per player.

There is simply no way the Red Sox would not give Damon this money if he was close to worth it. The answer is that he must not be.

So now have a look at the Yankees lineup:

Damon: 13 mil
Jeter: 18.9
Ar0d: 25.2
Matsui: 13
Sheff: 13
Giambi:17
Posada: 10.4

Then you got Cano and whoever else, but hey, thats a pretty likable lineup. 1-7 in the lineup avging about 16 million.

The Yankees just proved that they are in another planet. Good for them. This lineup could be the greatest of all time but their pitching will still be shaky.

There is nothing I hate more than a player leaving a team for a rival or a rival stealing another team's player. So today, a giant fuck you to the Bombers.

Hope all is great with you guys and that you are happy. Truth is, it's all ok. It's baseball and if the Yankees weren't being the Yankees what would we have to complain about?

Vaya con dios,

SM

Oh and by the way, Jawn Jawn was reporting that Johnny D is on the roids. This is the same kid that called a bears v bengals superbowl before the season. That said, I believe him.

Oh and double by the way, AFOMG isn't happy, and he'll be writing something on this eventually, so keep checking in with Yankees2000 throughout the day.

The best day of '05

So it's a big day out here in the Bay Area. Today I get my first visitor to the West Coast, and a worthy first visitor it is, none other than the fiery "Steamin" Mikey Lehman.

Mike was always considered a Sippy Momo Jr. Like me, he is 5'10, 175 lbs and an Upper West Side Jew/die hard Mets fan. Surprise, surprise he wears a 10.5 sneaker just like every other Jew in the whole world.

Big Mike is a senior in college, living the good life rolling with his frat dogs and doing the dirty dirty with aspiring sorority sisters. The only advice I ever give him is to stay in school as long as possible.

I'm happy to bring up Mike because it brings me back to the greatest day of my Summer 2005. It was Friday June 24th and a beutiful day in NYC.

Me, AFOMG, cousins, Jason and Jawn, crazy Chris, GOAT, nice guy Sean and little Georgie all took the 4 train to Yankee stadium for Petey's first start back at Yankee Stadium as a Met.

This was a must win for Pedro, the Mets and me. I fucking hate Yankee fans. The night was beautiful and we needed a win.

The 1st inning came around and surprise, surprise. Derek Jeter went ding dong. All the annoying Yankee fans in our LF section taunted us, "Who's Your Daddy?" chants were everywhere.

The thing was, we had size. AFOMG is about 6'4 205lbs and bears a striking resemblence to John Rocker. Everyone is always just scared of Jawn Jawn. Little Georgie looks like a Soprano standing 5'7, 250 lbs. So people would talk and I would grill them, knowing I was protected like a ZBT kid trying to start a fight with a rival Jewish fraternity. Sad but awesome.

We all got really drunk. The beer guy in our section was the greatest. He was a vendor at Yankee Stadium rooting for the Mets. And he was rooting for everyone louder than anyone.

"Who just lost 3 out of 4 to the Devil Rays. Your New York Yankees!"

All the Yankee fans hated him but we loved him. We forced ourselves to keep drinking so he would keep coming back to the section. It was fucking great.

So after DJ went yard Pedro calmed down. We scored 3 in the 2nd and after Uncle Cliffie went yard in the 4th, we were up 4-1 and the night was awesome.

We took over our section in no way I have ever seen. There is nothing better than sonning Yankee fans in their own stadium. The second they lost their lead, they lost their voice. It was hilarious.

There was also a pretty hot cougar in training wearing a Lenny Dykstra jersey. I almost got down on one knee.

So the game kept on going and the Mets pretty much dominated.

Then there was Steamin Mikey Lehman. Mike is the man, a great kid and very likable. But he is by far and away the most annoying person to go to a game with. He has the most penetrating "boo" you could ever imagine. He could make people booing the same team tell him to shut up.

At the same time, when Mike cheers his voice is overwhelmingly penetrating. By the 2nd inning people were looking back. By the third inning people were telling him to "shut the fuck up." By the 5th, fights were about to break out.

But Mike kept going.

"Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck! Yankees suck!" Mikey must have repeated this line with his lispy voice making it sounds more like "Yankeesth Sthuck" at least 100 times.

Then Mike got the call from the bullpen. It wasn't from me or AFOMG but instead it was NYC's finest man in blue.

The cop signalled to Mike. We all couldn't stop laughing.

After about 5 minutes Mike came back up, a giant grin on his face.

"What happened?" I ask.

So this was the dialogue

Cop: What are you doing up there?
Mike: I'm just watching the game and cheering on my team
Cop: Well you can't say Yankees suck
Mike: Why not, I paid my money like everyone else?
Cop: You just cant.
Mike: Fine, well can I say Yankees stink?
Cop: Yeah that's fine
Mike: Ok. ( looking up at the game) Yankees Stink ( fist pumping)
Cop: You say Yankees stink one more time you're outta here!

Gotta love the Yankee security. So to this day we make fun of Mike about that.

But, then the game kept going. The Mets won pretty handily despite a much expected Braden Looper scare. But we pulled through. The game was awesome and we opened the series with a win.

But the night didn't end. For the next 45 minutes we stood there. We were all drunk, happy and proud. Proud to be Mets fans. We would find little kids in Mets jersey's and give them high fives. We would find fathers who brought their sons to a game and tell them how great of a job they were doing raising their kids.

We took over Yankee stadium and it was awesome. It was just one of those nights that you remember. And now having Steamin' Mikey Lehman out here does it for me. I haven't found my Mets crew out here and it bothers me, but that will come. Mets fans flock to one another.

Anyway, good to have the kid out here. Anyone else who wants come out the 26th-28th. I got tix for the Celtics and Nuggets for the first Yankees2000 reader that replies. Even you mom.

Stay up.

SM

Two Months Later

So we are past the 2 month point here over at Yankees2000. I'd like to thank all of you guys, the readers for your support and feedback, both positive and negative. I just love the Mets and despise the Yankees so greatly, and if you're anything like me in this regard, well, I'm glad that this site has brought us all together. I'm also happy for the chance to help all of you still in the struggle fill 5 minutes of your otherwise boring day at work.

To all those that doubted Young Sip and AFOMG, go fuck yourself and if I see you and you are still running your mouth, I'm gonna kick you in the neck. San Francisco has helped me mellow out, as you can see.

But back to the positives. Two months have past. Young Sip has made his way to the other coast. The Mets have brought in Carlos Delgado and Billy Wagner. The Giants somehow keep on winning (god bless Tiki Barber). I have sucesfully embedded myself into an NBA entourage. I'm up a ton of units with "the friendly bookie". My collection of awesome sweatpants/warm up pants is up to 7. 24 ads are back on FOX and GIRL tells me today that she loves to bet on college basketball.

Things are really looking up for Young Sip and I feel like good karma is in the air. Which means just one thing.

THE YANKEES WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES

Other than my good pal and future best original screenplay winner, Kenny from Camp, I just feel like bad things always happen to my teams.

As much as Happy Will is the ultimate optimist, I consider myself maybe the world's biggest sports pessimist. I don't know why this is. There could be some deep-rooted psychological mumbo jumbo driving this all, but anyway you look at it, it is there.

When the Giants stepped on the field on Saturday, I didn't give them a chance. When the Mets open up the 2006 season, shitty slogan and all, I only expect the worst and it really bothers me. But I think things are starting to change, because for the first time this pessimism really is troubling me.

In my attempts to channel all the negative energies out of my system, which is turning Sip into one happy cat, all of a sudden I feel a new sense of confidence in my teams.

All of a sudden I envision a Super Bowl for the Giants.

All of a sudden I feel certain that Jack Bauer will make it through the next season of 24 alive.

And all of a sudden I'm feeling good things about the Mets. The main reason: David Wright.

We have never in our lives had a kid like this in any sport. A kid who came in with all the hype in the world only to exceed expectations. A player so likable and unphony (read: Alex Rodriguez) that he can do no wrong.

There isn't a player in baseball I would rather have on my team right now than David Wright, and I truly mean that. This is the guy that is going to lead us. This is the first player I have ever seen that I can't say a negative thing about.

Now this is a first for Sip. I still see Pedro's arm falling off in 2008 and always used to joke about the monster salsa dancing with Sam Champion down in Chelsea, but with this kid, there's nothing but pure adoration.

The Mets will win a World Series sometime soon. Maybe not this year but soon. And it will be because of David Wright.

Because good karma is with that guy. He does everything right, he's an agonizingly good person, and yet he is still so likable. I never thought a 3b could replace Rockin' Robin, but here it is.

I've never felt so optimistic in my life and man does it feel great.

Thats all i really got. If you haven't already read it, check out this interview with D Wright.

http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20051215&content_id=1282583&vkey=news_nym&fext=.jsp&c_id=nym

It'll surely put you in a good mood.

Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.

Lets go,

SM

Good F***ing Riddance or Salt?

So Thursday was a big day in Mets baseball. Why, you ask? You mean you didn't read about it in the Friday morning tabloids? Indeed, you didn't. It wasn't quite backpage material. What happened on Thursday, however, marked the formal conclusion of an important era in Mets baseball.

It marked the end of shitty as closers at Shea. That's the good news. But did it mark the end of our shitty bullpen era? Read on...

B Poops signed a 3yr, $13.5 mil contract with the National leage powerhouse St. Louis Cardinals. Honestly, I'm sad to see him go.

Bloopy was that closer that came into the game and you said, "This guy just isn't a closer, this is a disaster." He has one and a half pitches. A plus 94 mph 2 seamer and an average slider. Do you want him in the game with a one run lead in the 9th inning?

Hell fucking no.

But the truth is this. I would love to see the Poops setting up games for Billy Wagner. There is a reason the Cardinals chose to sign him over Julian Tavarez, considered by many to be the top setup man on the open market.

This is because the Poops can be a heck of a setup guy. He is Dan Wheeler with 4 mph on his fastball. He's a guy who's normally solid, but sometimes he just doesn't have it. That was a big problem when he was the last line of defense, but when you've got a fireballer like Billy Wagner there to clean up his mess if need be, well, he becomes a lot more attractive.

But now he's gone and the boobirds got their wish. What do we have to show for his departure? That's where things get dicey. The fact is, as the bullpen stands now, the bullpen in '06 may not be better than it was '05.

It reminds me of the acquisition of Valarie Malone to 90210. When Kelly Kapowski signed on board to replace Brenda as Beverly Hills' newest vixen, Fox had acquired a gem. We were getting a star.

But at the same time we lost Brenda, Donna was turning into "Donna the holier than thou virgin" and Dylan was giving up being a student. Essentially, we got the big ticket but missed out on the smaller parts.

This is what concerns with me the New Mets. Whatever the slogan is, "Yeah we have stars," ask AFOMG for that one, and that may be true. This pen has Billy Wagner. But we lost Poops and Roberto Hernandez, who was far and away our most effective reliever last year. Over Looper and over Aaron Heilman, on the whole at least.

Everyone is penciling Aaron Heilman in as the messiah which worries me. This guy never pitched the "big" innings. At the start of the second half he was a 6th/7th inning guy. It was only once the Mets were out of contention that Heilman saw crunch time.

As a result, his numbers are somewhat skewed. Yeah, the stuff is there, and of course he had great second half numbers. But the Mets can't put all the eggs in Aaron's basket. It'd be like assuming Slater could carry Saved by the Bell without Zach. Sure it's possible, but you'd have to see it to believe it.

The Mets have made all the neccesary moves to sell tickets, they've made slogans to ram it down our throats, and even have Bob Klapisch is writing articles about how the Mets may be NewYork's best team.

But we need a bullpen and right now we don't have one. We have Aaron Heilman, Billy Wagner and a bunch of Jimmy kids. Teams don't win that way. The Twins traded JC Romero for a prospect or two. Why couldn't we have been involved in that move?

I'm curious to see what "Wheel and Deal"Minaya will do. There's a lot of different directions he could go in (trade Benson for bullpen arms, a Heilman for Danys Baez swap is often whispered about, sign a Julian Tavarez, etc.), but one way or another something more needs to be added to the pot.

It's a dire necessity because our rotation doesn't have a single true innings eater. Across the board we are solid, but there could be a week where a starter doesn't see the 7th inning. We need a bullpen. SM Sr. swears it and god knows I trust that man.

That's all I got.

Tonight I went to a dinner party. San Fran is a little weird like that. I felt like my brother talking economics over some latees. Who knows.

I moved here from Ohio,

SM

Tribute Week Part 3: Happy Will

So yesterday loyal friend and point guard legend Will B. threw an attack at old Sip. Before I respond, I wanted to take a few lines to pay tribute to Happy Will.

Happy Will B. is one of my favorites. After a very cheery upbringing at the Town School, where he was possibly taught by the aunt of Sippy Momo, Happy Will went on to Dalton, where Jews from all over go to be, well, Jews.

But Will is different. In a school that drew more boos than cheers, there was Happy Will. When people watched this kid play, whether he was from their school or not, they couldn't help but root for him. He was as fundamental as a young Mike Dunleavy and had the toughness of Mugsy Bogues. He wasn't a jerk on the court but would throw an elbow when he needed to. If you needed two free throws in the last minute, you went to Happy Will.

So Happy Will went on to Harvard. Where else? This kid was a golden boy and deserved to be among the country's elite.

All was going well until that one dark day. The day of the e-mail that will live in infamy.

It was springtime during our senior year of college, 2004, and there it came. I wish I had the exact e-mail. If anyone has it please send it along.

In this e-mail, Will made a confession. He had SWITCHED to the Red Sox. It killed us all.

I'll be the first to say that being in Boston gives you a different feeling about baseball. That city lives for the Sox. You can't walk a block without seeing a Red Sox hat or banner in the same way that you can't walk a street in New York without seeing a ton of diversity.

And then there is Fenway. Fenway is the greatest place in baseball, if not in the whole world. It is everything that a baseball park should be. I make the trip there once a year just because I need to be there.

But still, old Willie. Willie said it and he couldn't take it back. But he could make it right. After about 2 days of endless abuse from his friends, Will made his much needed retraction. He realized that maybe he acted impulsively without really thinking it through.

That is not how I feel about the Knicks.

Yesterday I wrote about how I have become a Golden St. Warriors fan to which Happy Will wrote:

SM,We all know the ribbing I took and continue to take for jumping ship for 48 hours from the Mets to the Sox after living in Boston for over 3 years while simultaneously enduring 3 years under Jeff Wilpon ownership that makes James Dolan look like Wellington Mara. Yet somehow, it's supposedly ok for you, after 1 week on the left coast to jump ship from the Knicks and starting rooting for the Warriors. I'm not sure I like it, big guy, I'm not sure I like it.

So I've thought about this a ton and I am sticking by my word.

First things first. The Knicks never were and never will be the Mets to me. Call me crazy, some will agree while some will disagree, but I truly believe that you can only really have one team. For me it is the Mets. Yeah, I love the Giants. But at least for me, a big offseason move for the Mets is more important to me than a big Giants win. That's just the way it is for me. I don't have it in me to commit any more.

Second, I think I hate Isiah Thomas more than any person in sports. I am obsessed with front offices in the various professional sports and can say confidently that the man running the Knicks is the worst the world has to offer. Every move that he has made to "improve the Knicks" has developed them into a bottom five team and crippled their cap situation for years to come. The team would have been better off not making a single move than the complete overhaul of the team that he made.

And yet for some reason people give him credit. But not me, I just can't support him. It's as though I'm taking the moral high ground or something but I feel obligated as someone who understands the economics of basketball to make a stand against this man, and this team. A part of me hates myself for it, but I think it is the right thing to do.

Anything Isiah has done is worse than anything the Wilpons have done for one reason. That is, there is no cap in baseball. The Mets didn't have the opportunity to ruin their future because you just really can't in baseball. This is different in basketball, a sport with a salary cap, which is why Isiah is that much worse.

Third, the Warriors are a ton of fun to watch. They are a Safe Haven team. For those of you from New York, you'll appreciate this, but for those who aren't, here is a brief background.

Safe Haven was the basketball league that me and my friends played in on the weekends. It combined a fine selection of NYC private schoolers and some of New York's most ghetto kids.

This is the Warriors.

They combine Compton's finest, Baron Davis and J-Rich with the crackers, Dunleavy and Troy "Justin Nolan" Murphy, and then throw in two of the game's illest Euros, Zarko Cabarkapa and Andres Biedrins, to boot. In short, this team is just awesome to watch. I haven't looked forward to watching a Knicks team in 10 years, including the magical run in 2001 when they were an 8th seed.

So Willie, I love you pal, but fuck you. Dont ever compare the Mets to another a New York team... Unless you really mean it.

For all of you with some spare time, check out www.deansplanet.com. It really is awesome. Pops, you especially should check out the Jessica Alba section. It'll change your life.

sweet arse: http://www.deansplanet.com/jessica_alba-sweet_arse.html
in white bikini: http://www.deansplanet.com/jessica_alba-white_bikini.html

Live strong all.

S. Momo

Note: the S. Momo sneakers are coming out Christmas '06

Hump Day RIP

So today is a rough one. My first hump day away from home. See, on a typical Wednesday me, Cousin Jason, Nick the Voice, and Boston Jon Jon would hit up Ruth's Chris or Virgil's. Seated over a warm meal, we would lament in the fact that we were paralegals and talk life.

Nick the Voice is a legend that deserves a brief shoutout here at Y2k. This kid was the greatest roll dog in the history of office buddy's. He taught me so many things, including how to sleep underneath my desk and the beauty that is "Lost", ABC's smash and a humpnight fixture.

That's all on that. Thought I'd hit up the old mailbag cause there just ain't much going on otherwise.

JD asked:

Sip, what are your thoughts on A-Rod deciding to play for the Dominican squad?
Glad you asked, JD. This guy belongs in the English premiere league playing for Chelsea. But in terms of the World cup, the dude grew up in Miami and has been here his whole life. The man has no business playing for anyone but America. I really mean that. He's not sitting there with Miguel Tejada or David Ortiz waving the Dominican flag at the Allstar game. Instead he is most likely swapping love sauce with Derek Jeter.

This really, really bothers me. It's like this guy has to prove to everyone that he has some ethnic flavor. I'd actually really like a non-A-Rod hater's take on this, so please send a response.

Meathead Justin asked:

Is it true you are switching to the other team out there in SF, young Sip?

I'm sorry to disappoint my many male followers, but I'm still hitting from the right side. Still, there are a lot of changes. I started running outdoors, which I normally could never do. I've been running the hills out here and have really enjoyed it.

I'm also a proud Golden St. Warriors fan. I don't even register with the Knicks. I read the Sports Guy's book, Now I Can Die in Peace..., and he has this whole section that justifies leaving a team.

Page 6 section D.

"The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously that you couldn't take it anymore."

Well Isiah, Jimmy Dolan, and co. have done just that. When the Knicks get the top pick of the draft this year and, oh wait, it goes to Chicago via the Eddy Curry deal, hopefully the rest of you will come on board.

It would be cool because we still have our 2nd round pick. Oh wait no, can you say Mo Taylor?

As for the Warriors, they more closely resemble a Safe Haven team than an NBA team, and for anyone who had the pleasure of suiting up for the former, that is just awesome.

Truth16 asked:

With all these moves, what do you think of the Mets right now?

Ok, Truth. I love every move we've made, for the most part, but we still have one huge problem. Who is going to get the game to Billy Wagner? We didn't offer arbitration to Roberto Hernzandez or Braden Looper so all there is in front of Wagner is Heilman.

I would die for Julian Tavarez, the best setup man out there, so hopefully Omar can reel in one more big fish. Tavarez isn't the sexy kind of name that makes the back pages, but it would probably prove one of the biggest signing of the offseason.

On a side note, Braden Looper is supposedly going to sign with the Phils. How awesome is it that we will get to have him at Shea 18 times over the next two seasons? This guy may kill himself on the way to the mound.

Eric on the Car Phone asked:

Hey A.F.O.M.G., what do you think of the Mets' new slogan?

Oh boy, where do I begin? For those of you who have not yet had the chance to check out the Mets' 1-minute promotional video over at mets.com, the new slogan, at least for now, is... drumroll, please... "New Year, More Stars".

New Year, More Stars?

Can you think of anything worse? There are so many things to hate about this slogan, but I think what irks me the most is that it actively courts the Yankee comparisons. The message is that the Mets are a collection of stars, not a team. It's not the unit that's given ink, it's not the team that we want you to come see. Love us, the message pleads, because we have more star players, that's all we ask! Loyalty? Who needs it? We've got stars, baby, stars!

It's pathetic.

As if that weren't bad enough, F.O.A.F.O.M.G. made a good point over dinner last night -- the slogan isn't remotely catchy. This is a fairly self-evident complaint, but it bears mentioning. The point of slogan is to get people talking, and if they're going to talk, let's have them say something positive, why don't we? This slogan begs people to call our beloved Mets the New Yankees.

Now look, me and SM had a good time kidding around about 2005's "Next Year Is Now" slogan ("Next Year Is 2006" was an oft repeated phrase this past summer), but it was catchy, and it had a message you could latch on to. It expressed rejuvenation and optimism. It expressed the hope that at long last the Mets were something worth getting excited about again.

The shame of it all is that "Next Year Is Now" would be perfect for the 2006 slogan. Certainly, the moves Omar and co. have orchestrated this offseason suggest that the Mets mean business in 2006, and fully expect to vie for a playoff spot and other glories still.

As it is, however, "Next Year Is Now" was taken, so management has concocted the monstrosity that is "New Year, More Stars". Hell, even "Mets on the Rise", the rumored slogan panned by most fans, would have been better. That slogan conveys a sense of team cohesion, at least. It says, "Hey! We're in this to win it -- come on board, why don't you?"

For it's part, "New Year, More Stars" is basically the equivalent of saying "Love us because we're beautiful". Let's just hope this is some sort of holiday-themed tagline to tide us over until the real slogan is unveiled.

Random NYU Co-ed asked:

Hey A.F.O.M.G., I just got word that my killer Uni is going to have its graduation exercises at Shea Stadium this year -- got any tips for surviving Shea?

Ahh, a reader of the fairer sex. Don't get too many of those, last I checked. Take heart, random NYU co-ed, you've come to the right place. Here are some things to keep in mind while you're at Shea for your graduation exercises (please note, this is an incomplete list):

1. You really can't say enough good things about the jumbo pretzel-hot dog combo.

Known as the B.O.A.F.O.M.G.S. (Brother of A Friend of Mr. Glass' Special), the pretzel-hot dog combo is traditionally the perfect 4th inning treat, so maybe you'll want to wait until the speaker starts announcing names that begin with the letter K to hit up the vendors. For their part, the French fries could not possibly be any worse -- avoid at all costs.

2. Do whatever you can to avoid the bathrooms.

Look, when you gotta go you gotta go, but the truth is you really don't want any part of those stalls at Shea Stadium. To that end, I recommend spending the night before graduation stone sober -- don't even think about touching the sauce, it's just not worth it in the long run. Granted, I've never been in the women's rooms at Shea, but judging from the men's rooms, the devotion to offering clean and sanitary conditions in the bathroom stalls is questionable at best and criminal at worst: enter at your own risk.

3. There's no such thing as a bad seat in the house.

Well, OK, that's not entirely true. You don't want to be caught in the Mezzanine under the Upper Deck overhang, for instance, but other than that, you really can't go wrong. Upper Deck seats are never as bad as you'd guess, and sometimes you might just witness something magical. If you were looking to make one last stab at slaying that biscuity little co-ed, I'd recommend the nose bleeds in the far reaches of the Upper Deck on the right field side. Read these columns if you'd like to know why: http://yankees2000.blogspot.com/2005/11/greatest-comeback-of-all-time.html, http://yankees2000.blogspot.com/2005/11/memories-of-ootgcoat.html).

4. If the apple comes up in centerfield when your name is called, that means people like you.

A lot.

5. If you suspect that person on the subway ride out to Shea actually has a bomb in his or her large carry-on bag, they probably do.

Seriously. Don't be a hero. Don't think, just switch trains.

Subways. Modern convenience or metallic death worms? You decide.

6. Bring batteries, big ones.

That way, when someone you don't like is called and walks to the stage, you can greet him the old-fashioned ballpark way and chuck a battery at him. You could also serenade him or her with boos, but some people just don't like to draw that much attention to themselves, so.

Jack's Inner Ear asked:

Hey Sip, if you're trying to create a Tyler Durden like army, do rules 1 and 2 of Fight Club apply to readers of this site?

Good question. That one gets a big N-O. For clarity's sake, the first rule of Yankees2000 is

1) You do talk about Yankees2000.

The second rule of Yankees2000 is

2) You DO talk about Yankees2000.

The third rule of Yankees2000 is... hmm. Well, we haven't gotten that far yet. We'll cook something up eventually, but in the meantime, be a good Yankees2000 soldier and go out and tell at least two new people you know about this site.

That's all we got for today, folks. Until next time, you know your homework.

- SM & A.F.O.M.G.

Our Newest Franco

As readers of this blog know, Franco, my barber, is one of my favorite people ever to walk this earth. I've spoken of him before and will continue to do so for a long time to come. The man will have a seat at my wedding. Amazingly, I have been in touch with him longer than any person in the world, 20 years, not a part of the Momo family.

So I got my Franco. This weekend the Mets got their Franco.

We signed Julio Franco to a two year contract, a deal that will end on his 61st birthday.

In all honesty, I love this move, it may be my favorite of the offseason. Here's why.

1. This guy can hack. He is a very solid right handed bat to compliment Carlos Delgado. We could hit him against tough lefties, giving Delgado a day off. This move also gives us a solid righthanded bat off the bench.

2. What a circus act. This dude is, at 47 years of age, closer to the age of Sippy Sr. than Sippy Jr. Wouldn't it be awesome to have this guy around when he was 50?

3. This guy will teach our kids a whole lot. He's easily the most jacked physical specimen since David Robinson patrolled the middle for the Spurs. This guy will work his spanish charm on Reyes and Beltran. You might say he is the anti-"Mr. Glass".

4. He is not John Franco. In the midst of drunken conversation someone told me that the Mets had signed John Franco, thinking that that is what happened. Thank fucking god. Holy cow do I hate that guy. He is the worst, the absolute worst.

With Julio on board we can bump Johnny baseball down to #3 greatest Franco's ever to don a Mets uniform behind Julio and pitch hitting specialist/Kurt Russel nephew (meaning he is some how related to my girl, Kate "Huddy" Hudson), Matt Franco.

Who doesn't remember that game winning hit against the Yanks? One of the better Mets moments of our lives. (Editor's note: I was at that game. Like the Mets-Braves game immortalized in an earlier column, http://yankees2000.blogspot.com/2005/11/memories-of-ootgcoat.html, this Mets-Yankees game was truly O.O.T.G.C.O.A.T.)

So not a lot to talk about now. I just watched Monday "Late Afternoon" Football. This West Coast shit is bugging me out. Thankfully, In & Out Burger has become an instant West Coast sponsor of Yankees2000, and I am definitely pleasantly full.

But gosh, this game ends at 9:00 and I am exhau