Thar She Blows

A respected voice, owned by a famed man known far and wide for his wit and wisdom, spoke for an entire, grieving nation Thursday evening.

"The Yankee ship," intoned Tim McCarver, "has lost its rudder."

Amen, Mr. McCarver. Amen. The rudder, the rock, the bestest buddy and big toe ... you name it, Joe Torre was it for the American League's New York franchise. And now, just like that, he's dead.

Wait, no. Not dead. Just sleeping.

Or is that just the Yankees' chances of winning anything at all next year? Far be it from me to speculate (heck, no!), but how about a list of things this development would seem to indicate?

1) The Yankees, as we have known all along, lack even the faintest semblance of class

Good god, if a man as stupid as Tom Verducci can see it, you know it's got to be obvious. Honestly, the question asks itself - how you gonna play Joe Torre like that? How on Earth are you going to hand him an insulting-ass, pay-cutting offer sheet with a World Series win as a prerequisite for a vesting option? That's like handing him a pink t-shirt that reads "George's Bitch" across the chest.

Say what you will about Joe Torre, and Y2K has over the years. The man handles young pitchers just about as well as Phil Spector handles rejection. His overreliance on crappy defensive first basemen and other assorted utility clowns (Enrique Wilson et al) has been a an unfunny joke for a while, and his decision to hit his best player in the No. 8 hole during the 2006 playoffs was one of the nastiest backstabs in recent memory. His legendary command of the locker room was always overblown, and had certainly diminished in recent years.

That said, when Torre is eligible, he will be immediately voted into the Hall of Fame. His record in pinstripes was 1173-767, good for a historic .605 winning percentage. As you may have heard, he won a couple of World Serieseses, managed one of the most dominant teams in history, and swapped the steady drumbeat of disappointment for the rhythm of consistent winning in the Bronx. These are the facts.

If I can admit all this, how much stronger must be the obligation and gratitude of those who don't, you know, truly and deeply hate the Yankees and all they represent? How deep must their loyalties lie? And if so, how on Earth couldn't you not manage to let this guy leave on his own terms?

But nope. Despite George's advanced senility, or perhaps because of it, or maybe in rank imitation of times past, the Yankees brass saw the need to "win" even this one. And so it has to be Joe who rejected the "offer," who's technically at fault, who's walking away from $5 million dollars. Imagine how it must have troubled Randy Levine and Co., coming up with the proper number, i.e. the dollar figure just high enough to look invitingly fat, but clearly low enough to ensure that Torre couldn't accept. They must have spent a couple of Tampa days and nights on that one.

Here's the asshat-in-chief, in his own words:

"Under this offer, he would continue to be the highest-paid manager in major league baseball," Levine said. "We thought that we need to go to a performance-based model, having nothing to do with Joe Torre's character, integrity or ability. We just think it's important to motivate people."

To which Joe Torre gave the only proper reply -- "Fuck off." I mean, two-faced shenanigans couched in doublespeak ... hey hey, it's the Yankee Way. As the Dalai McCarver put it, "They made him an offer he could refuse."

(McCarver then added, completely unnecessarily, "And did." Good to have you around, Tim.)

So say "Sayonara" to Hideki and so forth, Joe. In the end, you were too good for these guys. I'll say this -- considering your position and resume, I hated you just about as little as could have been hoped. That's a compliment, I think.

2) The Yankees are fucked

There goes Posada, arguably the most desirable free agent on the market, to points elsewhere. This will absolutely gut the Yankees' lineup, given that there are no good replacements in the farm system or on the market. If the Mets are smart, they'll throw their entire bankroll his way. Gotham's other catcher will end up being someone like Jason Kendall. Nice.

There goes Mariano, off to the Cubs or Rangers or Phillies, setting off a glorious chain of events wherefore Joba is kept in the bullpen to become a top-notch closer rather than top-flight starter, and opens up another hole in the Yankees rotation. More Chase Wright is all right. More Kyle Lohse is even better. Hey, Cashman's got to spend his money somewheres.

There goes the last check on Captain Clutch's total ownership of the Yankee mantle, ensuring that the next would-be hero to look at Jeter's herp the wrong way gets subtly thrown under the media bus all the quicker.

There go the gates on the Bronx Zoo. For accomplishments past, the press couldn't really ever go after Torre the way they would any other Yankees manager. For discretion's sake, and because he was actually a good guy and was widely liked, they've gone easier on the Yanks during the past seven years than they otherwise would have.

No more. The long knives are going to be out for the Bombers, and soon.

3) Scott Boras just made a bunch of money

There goes A-Rod. Naturally.

4) Don Mattingly must have a bag of pixie stashed under the dugout bench

He'd better have something special up his sleeve. This has the potential to get real ugly -- like Danny Tartabull ugly -- real fast. As ludicrous as they seem to me at the moment, it doesn't seem quite possible that the Yanks brass would stiff-arm their man without having a backup plan in place. We'll see soon enough what that is. If it's Donnie Baseball, well ... godspeed, fella.

But then again, we could get lucky. The Steinbrenners have three bona fide sticks of managerial dynamite sitting around at the moment, utter and complete bombs all, and we could wind up with a real delightful situation where "Larry Bowa -- Manager of the New York Yankees" business cards are printed up at some point. Substituting either "Tony Pena" or "Joe Girardi" on the printing press would be almost as good.

And, for all the aforementioned reasons ....

5) Hating the Yankees just got great again

Lunacy, arrogance, fecklessness, oversized egos and senses of entitlement, the casting aside of their few good and decent elements ... that's like a Y2K sundae. Say mmm as we watch where this goes together.