Run, Damion, Run

Here's Mr. Easley -- a shortstop, though playing in right field because Shawn Green is a joke against left-handed (and right-handed) pitching -- quoted by Shpigel in the Times this morning about his inside-the-parker yesterday.

"My legs were done after that for the rest of the game," Easley said. "I was pretty much done."

Easley was asked if his dash was not more fun than your run-of-the-mill home run trot?

"No," he said. "I like to jog."

Oh, for the love of Pete. You're a professional athlete, man. Is it too much to ask that you act like it?

Seriously, we're talking about a sprint around the basepaths. Roughly 360 feet from start to finish, and a slide onto your ass at the end. It's perfectly acceptable to be tired afterwards. Do your panting and heaving, have Jose wave a towel to cool you off afterwards. It's all fun and games up to a point.

But let's leave off with the victim routine. Boo-hoo, you had to haul ass for less than 30 seconds. A 37-year-old millionaire sportsman -- Terry Fox you ain't. Just do your job and pipe down about the horror of it all.

... as he rounded third base in the sixth inning Thursday less than 90 feet from legging out an inside-the-park home run, he had only one thought on his mind.

"I'm hoping for somebody to push me," Easley said.

This would all be a lot funnier if we didn't have the impression that baseball players really aren't in very good shape at all. The impression is rather well-justified as these things go, and as a result, comments like Easley's don't scan as self-deprecating -- they appear self-incriminating. I can only imagine Coach Rickey's thoughts, either on the general fitness level of his team or on Easley's apparent eagerness to brag about how winded he was.

Can you imagine Rickey ever saying anything of the type? Not on your life. Mostly because a sprint around the basepaths weren't no thing for him, but also because he liked to keep up appearances. Still does. All those comeback attempts derived at least as much from vanity as from an honest belief that he was still an MLB-level baller.

Where's Easley's mystique? He's a late-career free agent on a 1-year deal, needing to prove his worth for a bench position from here on out. And he's yukking it up about his dead legs. Whatever. Let a younger utility infielder laugh all the way to the bank next winter.

And I don't know, that tends to piss me off. We're in a pennant race here, and all of us (well, maybe not A.F.O.M.G.) are pulling wholeheartedly for the Mets to do their best every single night, with every single game yanking precariously on the NL East standings. There's a certain expectation that the team is doing, and has done, as much as possible to justify our faith and our time and our emotional energy.

So, yeah, I don't need Damion to go all Tyson Gay on me, or even Ruben Gotay. Just let's leave the right impression for the kids, that's all.

On a less grouchy note, how great was it to see the Mets get a good result out of the immortal Brian Lawrence? First win since Aug. 15, 2005 for the fireballing righty, as it happened, and got it while prompting Sip to send me a message during the game asking if he had cracked 84 on the radar gun at any point.

There's no evidence that he did, no.

Didn't walk anyone, which is positive, but the Brewers have OBP issues of their own, so it's not as impressive as you'd like. Still, all we want out of Brian is what we got out of Sosa earlier in the year -- a half-dozen decent starts before the scouting reports start catching up with him. Pedro appears, as per recent reports, to be about a month away, and we're certainly not looking to keep this clown involved a moment longer than is necessary.

Also, three more hits from Lastings yesterday afternoon, another positive step in Y2K's quest to see Green benched; I have no comment on the apparent brawl between Milwaukee manager Ned Yost and catcher Johnny Estrada in the dugout yesterday, other than to say that the Braves sure have enjoyed a run of outstanding catching talent over the past 10 years: the recently-traded Salty, McCann, Estrada, Javy Lopez ... the year Javy was hurt, they didn't get much out of Eddie Perez, but that guy still has a little pop in the bat, at least. He's no DeFelice.

Besides, the best thing for the Brewers will be for the Mets to roll into Wrigley this weekend and show the Cubs what's up. So let's do it.