Carlos Delgado = Mo Vaughn

The first season in New York went okay for both. Big Mo, 34 years of age, fresh off a 36-HR season in the OC, arrived in 2002 and put up a halfway decent .259/.349/.456 line in 139 games for the Mets, well below what had been expected but not outside the realm of passability for a first baseman. Carlos, by contrast, struggled at times in 2006, but also enjoyed enough hot stretches that his final numbers -- .265/.361/.548 -- turned out to be quite solid for anyone, much less a 34-year-old vet.

And then, at Age 35, both blew up. Kapow. See you at Bikini Atoll.

Mo's story, of course, we all know. A whopping 79 at-bats in 2003, and then a confirmed aisle seat on the Retirement Express. And a standing reservation at the local pizza joint. And waffle joint. I got jokes, baby. But, at this point, despite the fact that there's a lot of season (and postseason, hopefully) left to be played, you'd have to say that Delgado is basically done. Or at least, that's the only thought I can hold in my head after watching him leave 16 runners on base during a three-game set against the Padres.

Should I even be worrying about Carlos after seeing the Mets' staff give up 40 -- count 'em, 40 -- hits to a shitty, shitty offense this week? Mightn't I be a little more concerned about Billy the Kid's sudden impotence, or Lastings' struggles, or Aaron Heilman's determination to suck the life out of the team one appearance at a time?

Well, all those things are on Cheddar's mind, as it happens. But Delgado's struggles are driving a huge, sharpened stick into my cerebellum in a way that none of the other woes are.

Wagner? I trust him. Call me crazy, but I do.

Heilman? Less so, obviously, but I have enough faith in the rest of the Mets' pen, plus the power of a healthy Joe Smith and the laws of variance (hello, Guillermo Mota) that I can push it aside.

But Delgado ... my god. It's to the point right now where you can assume the out in any reasonably big spot; you can assume the out when there's runners on base; you can assume the out whenever the pitcher looks particularly focused or annoyed; you can assume the out when you hear his stupid introduction music come on.

His padded and misleading season line, which includes no more than a half-dozen big hits, sits at a piddling .249/.326/.430, good for a .264 EQA (down from .301 last year, .332 in his big 2005 in Florida). That sucks. That's worse than struggling youngsters like Conor Jackson (.268), worse than the slop being tossed up by former Brave and Y2K off-season target of mockery Adam LaRoche (.273), a damn sight worse than Scott Hatteberg (.287) and Aaron Freaking Boone (.292 in 189 ABs, unbelievably), and down there with the real hackers like Toronto's Lyle Overbay (who's been hurt all year) and, ironically, the guy Delgado was traded for (the also-injured Mike Jacobs, chugging along at .261/.317/.430.

(A quick aside -- saw a great highlight on FSN's Final Score at the gym this morning of Jacobs getting nailed at second base by none other than Rick Ankiel, who barehanded a scorched line drive off the wall and let loose a throw I've never seen anyone else even attempt out of the rightfield corner. Just sickening. And then the FSN announcer teased the highlights of the Washington-Houston game coming up after the break by saying this shit -- "Coming up, the Nats' bats smoke Gats," which would be clever in a fake "Variety" sort of way if it were 1963 and the Astros were still called the Colt .45s ...)

In any case, it's tough to know whether to be shocked about Delgado's collapse. For one, this isn't some shlub off the fluke wire -- this is the latter-day Willie McCovey, a guy with 425 career homers. Even last year, you still didn't want to miss your spots against him -- he was punishing sliders that didn't get down and in, taking pitches away to left field with regularity, and hammering what was left out over the middle.

Now? For sure, he's still hammering the occasional mistake. The power isn't gone. But suddenly, his hot zone has shrunk to the size of Neifi Perez' balls. If the pitch isn't a meatball, Delgado isn't handling it.

Which brings us back to Mo. These things can happen to players of his and Delgado's ilk. We're talking about big, not-especially-athletic, not-especially-mobile sluggers of a certain age; when that certain something in the fast-twitch muscle group goes, it goes fast, and it don't come back. Sluggers, even those of MVP caliber, can drop off the grid like Staten Island, on some "Without a Trace" shit.

Be honest with yourself. Do you think Carlos is coming out of it?

And if not, what do you do about it, for this year and next? (Two years at $16 mil. a pop remaining, of course). Let's push the future aside for a moment and just think about the rest of the regular season and the playoffs -- do you keep running out this guy every day, and hoping he snaps into it?

No, you don't. Not when, presto chango, you've suddenly got a custom-made platoon partner in the form of lefty-mashing Jeff Conine, ready to step in. Omar Minaya has solved the problem for us, not that Willie's ever going to realize it.

Conine, even in a down year for him, has an .803 OPS against southpaws this year (.620 against righties, ugh); his career line against 'em is .300/.371/.486. That's really good. By contrast, Delgado has just been brutal against lefties in 2007, motoring at .253/.303/.367 and striking out 41 times in 150 ABs. That qualifies as useless.

If it's me, I ask Delgado -- who has something of a reputation as a leader, and good guy, and veteran-who-wants-to-win-a-title to live up to -- I ask him to take one for the team and take a seat against lefties. I ask for that sacrifice because he's proven he simply can't him them any more, and he's been murdering rallies in big spots, and you play the game to win.

Will it happen? I don't think so. But I'd like to be proven wrong. The Dodgers are going to throw two soft-tossing lefties at the Mets this weekend -- Eric Stults tomorrow, and the newly-acquired David Wells on Sunday.

If Willie's serious about winning a title this year, we'll see #28 in white take the field at first for at least one of those contests.