From the Department of Random, CB's Top 10 Movie Props

Ground rules
1. No eponymous props (ex. "The Mask," "The Tuxedo," "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants")
2. Avoid overly obvious choices (ex. The One Ring, Rosebud from "Citizen Kane," Wonderbat)
3. No weak sauce (ex. the boombox from "Save Anything," magic wands, etc...)

In reverse order ...


10. Zoltar Speaks, "Big"
You know the drill -- the fortune-telling-and-granting machine that sent a young Tom Hanks into the bosomy embrace of Elizabeth Perkins and the not-so-welcoming world of corporate Manhattan. The thing absolutely terrified me as a kid, as it did everyone under the age of 15 who saw this movie. All said, the creepiest carnie toy this side of "Something Wicked This Way Comes." Too bad the star of the movie hadn't wished to never make "The Ladykillers."

9. Adam Sandler's hockey putter, "Happy Gilmore"
This ingenious contraption was effectively the last will and testament of Chubbs Peterson, one of golf's true pioneers and a largely overlooked civil rights hero. Whether it was of Peterson's design or that of a hockey/golf fusion specialist (a Quebecois golf pro old friend from Chubbs' days on the Canadian Tour while he was shut out of U.S. tournaments, perhaps), the club unquestionably changed the course of the sport's history. Chubbs watched down from above alongside his former reptillian nemesis and Abe Lincoln as Sandler used the tricked out stick to discover his comfort zone on the greens and upset heavy favorite Shooter McGavin in the 1996 Tour Championship. Holy shit, this movie came out 11 years ago. How old am I?

8. Talking six-shooter, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
If only because sentient bullets turn out to be less effective than their silent counterparts. Appropriate, I suppose. Just like the new Pharoah Monche song. Also, Bullet #2 turns out to have been voiced by Eustace from "Green Acres," a sad little thrill for anyone whose babysitter made him watch the show for untold hours on end. Damn you, TV Land. Damn you.

7. Proton pack, "Ghostbusters" and "Ghostbusters 2"
Are you the Keymaster? No, don't answer that. Anyway, according to Wikipedia, "a fictional piece of nuclear accelerative machinery created by the Ghostbusters that serves as their primary tool in the 1984 film of the same name for the purpose of 'busting' ghosts. It has a hand-held wand ('Proton Gun' or particle thrower) connected to a backpack-sized particle accelerator." Outstanding. What exactly would we do without Wikipedia? Seriously, the article is really interesting. Moreover, unless you've got something else with which to fight Gozer the Gozarian or melt the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, the proton pack seems pretty indispensible. You could probably have taken down Stay-Puft with a big enough butane torch, but Gozer is another story entirely. David Bowie-looking weirdo.

6. Vincent Cassel's chain sword, "Brotherhood of the Wolf"
Oh my god, this thing was dope. I can barely discuss it rationally. An outstanding film featuring several solid weapons, including courtesan Monica Bellucci's deadly steel-bladed fan (sooooo hot) and The Beast's techno-gear. Cassel, who you probably know as The Night Fox from "Oceans 12, " should have won his climactic battle with Sam Le Bihan just on sweetness points alone. Plus, the cinematography on the first shot of Cassel unleashing the full range of the sword deserves an award on its own. A sword like that, being married to Bellucci ... some guys have it all.

5. Rock-hammer, "The Shawshank Redemption"
"... In 1966, Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank Prison. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock-hammer damn near worn down to the nub. I remember thinking it would take a man 600 years to tunnel through the wall with it. Andy did it in less than 20 ..."

4. Radio Raheem's radio, "Do the Right Thing"
An old-school ghetto blaster pumping "Fight the Power" at riot-forming decibels certainly makes it onto any list of mine. Major big-time bonus points for the prop determining the name of a famous character. Now, the prop-character connection can get pretty weak if you don't watch it, but here, the radio plot is basically the narrative arc of the film. Which is part of the thing's devastating simplicity, if you think about it.

3. Chingachgook's war club, "Last of the Mohicans"
An absolute killing machine, with two sides of pain for any Frog or Huron unwise enough to get on its business end. Also, took down one of the all-time great movie villains (Magua, played by the criminally underused Wes Studi) in one of the most satisfying comeuppance movie moments of the '90s. Burying the hatchet indeed, Magua. Sic semper fucking with Daniel Day-Lewis.

2. Hoverboard, "Back to the Future 2"
If you could have your choice of any car available today or the hoverboard, you'd definitely take the car. But be honest -- it would have to be a REALLY tight car. You'd take the hoverboard over a Camry, right? Even a really nice one with the leather package. That's how essential of hoverboard can be. Floats on tunnel walls, water, 1955 pavement, etc., and fits inside a DeLorean with no problem. Not to mention Hill Valley didn't even have much in the way of interesting terrain or motion-generating vehicles. I can't even begin to imagine how fun it would be to take this thing around New York.

1. Indiana Jones' whip, "Raiders of the Lost Ark," etc.
"Saturday Night Live" taught us that proficiency with a whip is very difficult to achieve and takes many years. (Thank you, Whipmaster). But once the whip starts working for you rather than vice versa, the level of badassery involved just goes off the charts. Whether it's taking down a dude with a sword in a crowded marketplace, swinging over an exposed bottomless pit or snagging Kate Capshaw for a big of pre-coital flirting, the whip does it all. It coils, it retracts, it sings, it stings, it is the traveling man's Nazi-slapping accessory, bar none. Can't wait to see how they work it into "IJ4," now filming up at Yale.

Honorable mentions
Oddjob's hat, "Goldfinger" (a tough exclusion)
The Power Glove, "The Wizard"

Worst 5
1. Jump boots, "Super Mario Bros."
2. Bond's invisible car, "Die Another Day"
3. The treasure map attached to the annoying kid,"Waterworld" (only b/c Dennis Hopper didn't succeed in cutting it off)
4. Wesley Snipes' shorts, "White Men Can't Jump"
5. Rocky's robot maid, "Rocky 4"