Memories of FTH, and Other Impressions from Fenway

The Glass Man's struggling today, team. Late night last night for my work group's annual dinner outing. Let's say 8 frozen margaritas and three at-the-time-good-idea-now-really-horrifically-stupid beers later and I'm hungover as shit. So what am I wearing today? Pink! Remember when Pete Harnisch was depressed as shit and he wore that sunshine pin on his cap? That's kind of how this is.

Anyway, a further consequence of my group outing is that I missed the entirety of the game last night. Pretty sure that's the first time this year that that's happened, but I could be mistaken. Friday night games are always tricky.

So I can't quite talk about the game last night now can I? Instead, I'm going to talk about my experience over the weekend at the Yankees-Red Sox game at Fenway Park.

Fenway Park, in case you didn't know, is beautiful. I've been to only so many stadiums, but of the ones I've seen, Fenway is easily the nicest, and if you've got a good seat, it's one of the best places to watch a ballgame because the stadium is so small and intimate. Fenway's fucking hot, OK?

So me and A.F.O.Mrs.G were camped in the right field bleachers. See that picture there? we were under the Dunkin' Donuts sign, about halfway between the field and the sign.

They'll never build a stadium like this again, but one of the really nice things about Fenway is how everyone is seated right on top of each other. You sort of can't help but get in to it with the other fans in your area.

And so it was that the guy seated in front of me asked if wearing my Mets hat was my passive aggressive way of supporting the Yankees, and I had to explain to him my millenarian hatred of the Yankees.

And so it was that when a fan pulled the old propose-at-the-ballpark trick on his girlfriend (gotcha!), I commented on how lucky that girl was, living out every girl's dream like that.

And so it was, finally, that I witnessed first hand the most stunning turnaround in -- I don't know what, fellow-fan perception? -- that I'd ever seen.

Sitting two seats directly over from A.F.O.Mrs.G. was about the biggest loudmouth Yankee fan jerk I've ever encountered. Bottom of the first inning, somebody on the Sox grounds into an inning ending double play. This guy, who looked like a fat Tom Hanks (FTH we'll call him), took this routine play as an opportunity to rise to his feet and cry at the top of his lungs, "YEEEEEEAH JETAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! JETAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! ISN'T THAT WHAT HE'S CALLED AROUND HERE? JETAAAAAAAAAAAH?!?!?

(I'm sorry for the all-caps, but I think it probably makes reading the text that much more annoying, the better to convey how horrfying this display from FTH was. The worst part was that you knew he'd been waiting desperately for his first chance to unleash this horribly unfunny line on the crowd.)

Around this time, FTH began making some friends in the seats nearby, and so began the first "Yankees suck" catcalls of the day. FTH wasn't fazed; as a matter of fact, he seemed to have a sense of humor about how badly the Yankees were doing, saying, "Of course we suck, we're 7 games under .500!" FTH also joined in on several chants of "12 games back! 12 games back!"

It's a routine I know well. Hell, self-deprecating humor about how terrible the Mets were was huge back in 2004. But it just doesn't work coming from a Yankee fan, not with the players they've got, not after 12 straight playoff appearances. You could tell that underneath the wisecrackery lurked the certainty that not only would the Yankees make the playoffs yet again, but the Red Sox would blow their lead sooner or later.

So FTH wasn't anybody's favorite; he was quite despised actually for much of the first 6 innings or so. Then something startling happened. It pains me to say it, really. I'd love to tell you that FTH, or at least some other Yankee fan, was the most obnoxious fan I encountered that day, but the truth is it was a belligerent Red Sox fan who earned that distinction.

This impish Sox fan had the classic little man's chip on his shoulder, and basically tried taunting FTH in to a fight. FTH, who, incidentally, was a really big guy, cleverly teased the belligerent Sox fan about his height, his lisp, and his receding hairline.

Things got ugly though when the Sox fan made a crack about taking down FTH's girlfriend. You could see FTH boiling on the inside, gripping the side of his chair before shouting back, "your fucking dick wouldn't even fit inside her!" Now that's a line that can be interpreted in any number of different ways, but at the time it sounded sufficiently adversarial, so score that one for FTH.

Ultimately, the Sox fan was kicked out of the stadium. I'm not sure what for exactly, but I was happy to see him go. He had glared at me and said something about my Mets hat, and for a brief moment there I considered the possibility that me and FTH would have to drag him out and beat the shit out of him. Never happened.

Stunningly though, after the Sox fan was ejected, another Red Sox fan in the row right in front of us turned around, shook FTH's hand, and admiringly told him "you were the bigger man." The fact that FTH had gone from the Yankee-boosting asshole in the crowd to "the bigger man" was truly startling.

Anyway, the Sox won the game. After dragging the wife to a few clunkers at Shea, it was nice to bring her out to a high-scoring, seesaw type of game.

Not every aspect of our day at Fenway was positive, however. Around the 2nd inning or so, A.F.O.Mrs.G. learned that her best friend's dog, Socs, had died. This reminded A.F.O.Mrs.G. of when her doggie Zoe died after eating poisonous flowers last November. And that reminded me of when my team died after a Yadier Molina home run last October. It was all pretty depressing.

On the whole though it was a great day out at the Olde Towne ballpark. If you've never been to Fenway, go. It's really a phenomenal baseball-viewing experience. I love Shea but when you go to Fenway you're reminded of everything a truly great ballpark should be. Here's looking at you, Citi Field.

- A.F.O.M.G.

(Images courtesy of bostonist.com and boston.com)