Where is my lotion?

What a beautiful day it is! The sun is shining, the breeze is perfect, everything is bright and clear. I love Florida. I am so happy.

Signal, left turn. I missed this car. The vehicles at home are not nearly as nice as this one. Red light. It has such a good smell. I think it was an old air freshener. I don't have another, though. Well, at least it still smells fine. Green light. Foot on gas.

Oh, here is the parking lot. I hope I still have the parking pass Omar gave me. What street am I on again? I've always thought Tradition Field was a funny name for a stadium. Tradition Field. Hee hee. What tradition? It makes no sense. I should ask someone about it.

Ah, here is my parking pass in the glovebox. Is that ... is this candy melted? These are not my jujubes. I don't even like them any more. Who put these in here? It must have been Ramon. It's much too hot for candy. I can't remember the last time I had candy. It must have been at Christmas, I suppose.

Ooh, look at that funny dog! I would go and pet it, but I have all these bags to carry. No, I really want to pet it. Hello! You are so cute! What's his name? Vincent? That's a fine name for a dog.

Oh, yes, I'm feeling fine. I can't wait to play again. Not for a month at least, but I'll be here. Hahahah, okay. Good to meet you too. Take care.

That dog was so funny-looking. Man, does my arm feel great. These workouts Nao has me doing, they do take a long time. Three hours, four hours. It's so much, I lose track of how much time I spend out on the field. It's a lot. But I like it. And my rotatator cuff is doing excellent.

No, it's rotator cuff. Rotator cuff. I should know that by now. That was silly of me. I wonder how that Japanese guy is doing with the Red Sox. Did I grab my keys? Hey, here comes a trainer to pick up my bags. They must know I'm here.

Oh, there are the cameras. Remember to smile. Okay, I'm smiling. My leg itches. Hey, there's that guy from the TV station. He was the one who told me and Carlos that joke during the playoffs.

Hi, what's up? Good, thanks. No, no, it's not blood. I must have stuck my sleeve into the melted jujubes. Yeah. It's a little icky. I'll get someone in the clubhouse to clean that up. I think this is a new shirt.

Should I say something to everyone? Yes, definitely. Make sure you don't have anything in your throat, then start talking. Rotator cuff. “I feel pretty confident, the way I feel right now, that I could be back [in July], but one thing, the doctors are the ones that know. And if they tell me you're going to pitch in September, that's when I'm going to pitch. If they tell me you're going to pitch in July, that you look good enough to pitch in July, then I'll pitch in July. I would love to pitch right now, but I'm not going to go against them. I've been stubborn enough to hurt myself, so imagine how much I want to pitch.”

That was pretty good. A couple of guys in the back are nodding. I don't know them. They must be new. There's the guy from the other network. There's the guy who likes to play cards. I think he used to have a mustache. I'm still made they wouldn't let me bring my shaving cream on the plane. Where am I going to get aloe in Port St. Lucie? My skin is so sensitive this time of year. Maybe I should grow a Spring Training beard.

I hope my plants are doing alright. We have that new fawn lily, and the ipheon and that whole new bed of wood poppies. Aren't we getting more deliveries soon? I thought I heard that. I'm so happy with the way that turned out. I waited way too long to fire that old gardening company. They thought Pedro was born yesterday. Ten dollars for a prarie violet? I got so angry at that guy with the glasses and the ugly suit. I almost slapped him. Ha. So angry.

Hold on, how long has Rick been talking to me? What? No, don't make him start over. Just keep nodding and pretending you're listening. I think he just made a joke. Yes, he's slapping me on the back and chuckling. What should I do? Okay, think ... how about a little giggle? Couldn't hurt. See, there, he looks satisfied. Keep nodding. I hope my keys are in my bags somewhere. Now he's pointing toward the clubhouse. Fine. I hope we're done soon.

There he goes. I guess that could have went better. I think I've got some corn stuck between my teeth. This is really annoying. Ah ... no, not out yet. Fuck. It's still pretty bright out. I've got to put some shorts on. I brought shorts, right? Or do they give them to us in the locker room? I've got to find a toothpick. “Marty, I need a toothpick.” Why is everybody laughing?

Lord, here comes that idiot from the Post. I actually like him better than the other one, but still. Is there anyone else to talk to? Oh, where did everybody go? Stop smiling. Look angry. Maybe he'll go away. No, he's got a photographer with him. He's fat. Who gave you permission to squint at me, fat man? I can see your nipples through your shirt. That's awful. He's sweating, too.

Blah blah blah. I'll take some photos. What do I care? I could really go for a milkshake. Luis told me they bring the chocolate in from New York. They'd better. I really like chocolate. Jose had that friend who had the shop in Queens. Or was that Endy? They won't even be here for a couple of days. Where should I go for dinner tonight?

What does this guy want from me? Whatever. Keep talking, I guess. “This experience has taught me a lot. It has made me more humble than I have ever been. One moment, you're on top of the world. Everybody is telling me, 'Oh look at Pedro, he's the best pitcher in the world.' Then all of a sudden I went boom.”

Point your thumb downward. See, he liked that. That was a little joke. “In just two years. The best pitcher ever, and then boom, I'm having the worst season ever. All this makes me stronger, and it made me realize that life is a time bomb. And so is baseball. You can have baseball today and it can all be gone tomorrow. You just have to leave it in God's hands and enjoy it as much as you can because you just never know.”

Did I just say life is like a time bomb? I think so. What am I talking about? It must have been that movie I watched last week with the guy with the ponytail and the submarine and the knives. He was a chef! It was really funny. I should probably go put on my workout clothes. I'm sore from yesterday. I really need to stretch.

First, some Vitamin Water. Mmm, that's good. I'm going to ask David for some more cases of this stuff. It's so sweet and delicious. Nao says it's good for me, too. Did they change the layout of these fields? Why is the cage there? It's pointing right into the sun. What's that smell?

Oh my GOD! They've got the sprinklers on! All right!