Unwatchable

In one of the worst decisions of my young life I agreed to go with Section 423 writer Chris Childs to a screening of "Because I Said So" - the new Mandy Moore/Diane Keaton flick - in exchange for a free dinner. He had to go for work and I have been trying to conserve the funds since the expensive road trip.

The trip to the movies, about 90 minutes of just pure badness (not even good chick flick shit) really had me thinking negative. How could this movie be made and while I'm still unemployed, I thought? Something's gotta give!

So I thought of other things that stink: Stomach aches, crappy Taco Bell, blisters and then it rang in my head..

It's been a while since I bashed the Knicks. Maybe it was all this sense of false optimism floating through New York City. Or maybe it was that I was on the road and I just didn't really care.

But since I have moved out to LA I have noticed a few things about the NBA. My roommates, two old friends since 5th grade, are both big basketball fans and huge Knick fans. Accordingly, I have NBA league pass in my house, one of the most underrated purchases any sports fan can make.

Of course I am a baseball guy first and then I am a football guy, but I don't hate the NBA. In fact, these days I am really loving it.

On any given night at any given time you can put on the NBA and find a game that is watchable. It takes very little - sad to say - to make my watchability list. Below is a list of criteria.

1. A winning team
2. A graceful team
3. An exciting superstar
4. An exciting young player

There are 30 teams in the NBA and of those teams I counted 25 of them that easily meet at least one of the criteria on the list above.

The only five teams that did not make the list?

1. The Sixers: REBUILDING
2. The Bucks: Young and Rebuilding
3. The Kings: Bad
4. The Sonics: Young and bad

I can't watch these teams play. Put two of them against each other and I would rather watch the Cooking Channel - another fixture in my house may I add.

The 5th team on this list, and by far and away the worst case of all the teams, your New York Knicks.

Take a look at the criteria above.

1. A winning team

The Knicks are not close. They are the 10th seed in the Eastern Conference in what may be the worst conference in the history of sports. They are 12-17 in conference and can lose to any team on any night.

2. Graceful

This they are not. I can watch the Spurs play at any time just because, for me, it is beautiful to watch a veteran team perfectly execute. The Knicks don't really have a semblance of an offense, they don't pass well... etc.

3. The exciting superstar

The Knicks have plenty of players paid like superstars but I don't think you can argue that the Knicks have any of the top 40 players in basketball. I'll say it again, top 40.

4. Exciting young players

Call David Lee's 10-10 exciting and I will make much stronger arguments for Kevin Martin, Luke Ridnour and Andre Iguodola. Lee has been great, but you do not watch a game to watch him play.

Do players get more boring than Channing Frye? He is Tim Duncan with 1/10th the skill.

Nate Robinson? His shtick is so tired. We all get it. You are little and you try hard. But all you do is take bad shots. Aren't little people by nature passers. Balkman? I'll say it again, I am a better shooter than Renaldo Balkman.

The fact is, the Knicks are pretty much an unwatchable product. The world's most famous arena is equipped with perhaps the world's most boring team.

There are a few positives out of all of this.

1. Due to a lack of cap flexibility and the Eddy Curry deal, this Knicks roster will remian virtually the same for the next couple of years, so at least we will get used to the boredom.

2.

Kevin Durant and Greg Oden will hopefully end up in the Eastern Conference, so at least we might get a chance to see them play 3-4 times next year instead of the potential 82 games that might have happened had we held onto our draft pick in one of the greatest drafts ever.

3. Isiah will be gone after this year or I might kill myself. In a recent interview Isiah claimed that he left David Lee on the bench because Lee was playing well and that is obviously because of him not starting. Why would you mess with success? In short, Isiah is truly a moron.

When you guys get a chance, peep the Pacers. They may look boring on paper, but Rick Carlisle really knows how to coach basketball. It is actually really refreshing.

VCD,

Sip