The Spy Who Came Into the Cold
Trace complete.
Domain accepted.
Intercept in progress...
*************************************** CONFIDENTIAL ****************************************
************************* THAT MEANS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, EH? ************************
**************************************************************************************************
SENT: 01/10/07, 09:43 GMT
FROM: Maj. Danzinger <"gfd@rcmp.gc.ca">
TO: Lt. Thomson <"jct@cse.gc.ca">
CC: Maj. Gibbons <"john.gibbons@bluejays.com">, Col. Wells <"vernon.wells@bluejays.com">, Lt. Zaun <"gregg.zaun@bluejays.com">, Brig. Gen. Trebek <"alex.trebek@kingworld.com">
SUBJECT: First Misson
Lt. Thomson,
Congratulations on a highly successful first mission. You completed your assignment with discretion and a minimum of fuss. I don't mind telling you that there were others in the organization who put more initial stock in your abilities than I. Others who were more willing to put their faith in a new recruit from the hills of Mississippi such as yourself.
Well, they were proven to be justified, and I stand corrected. That is to your credit, Lieutenant.
That acclaim is even more deserved given your personal history with the two targets of the first mission. Yes, we here at HQ indeed knew about your prior friendship with subject Lo Duca [CODENAME: "Exacta"] and your longstanding acquaintance with subject Floyd [CODENAME: "Creaky"]. This was no minor point of worry.
Yet you disseminated your assigned information, just as we drilled. The Mets organization remains confused as to your meaning and motives, just as we intended. And look at their flailing, pitiful response to your mission. Your use of understatement and veiled language served you very well here.
They remain completely unaware of what awaits them.
All the while, and even more impressively, your biotags resembled those of a 10-year veteran. Your Sweat Index barely budged, your heart rate never even approached the danger zone, barely a flicker in the frontal cortex. Your mission commander heard not a peep of protest.
It's like you were born for spy work.
But prepared for this second life of yours or not, there will continue to be doubts. There always are for new recruits such as yourself, raw converts to this crusade of ours. We at the CSE have never found it easy to trust outsiders. Our mandate is too important.
You know as well as I do that the Toronto Blue Jays have not been to the postseason since 1993, the year the team last won the World Series. You were told that several individuals in the bunker at Medicine Hat find that fact totally unacceptable, and tasked us with clearing a path for their return.
I understand the bosses' frustrations. The home office has been a complete wreck since the Flames lost the Stanley Cup to those damn tobacco farmers last spring. Meanwhile, the Raptors drafted an Italian stringbean with the first pick in the draft, the Sabres have been running roughshod over us, and the first thing the B.C. Lions did after winning the Grey Cup was break it.
Teaching them the error of their ways ... oh, that was a fun weekend.
But your focus must remain on baseball, and on your mission parameters. The Blue Jays' ascent must necessarily come at the expense of other organizations, just as Canada's rise to world domination must inevitably follow the fall of her southern neighbor. The United States' favorite icons must be torn down and made an example of.
In this case, that meant the New York Mets, a wholesome and inspiring team that Americans will rally behind given half a chance. We must sow doubts about their intentions, their motives, their morals and their values. They cannot be allowed to capture the hearts and minds of the citizenry.
I was told you expressed surprise that your target was not an AL East rival such as the Yankees or Red Sox. Rest assured that both of those organizations are well in hand. We will go over the particulars with you and Lt. Matsuzaka when you both get back to base later this month.
As for the Yankees, well, let's just say we now have quite a bit of leverage over the man we now know as Comrade Jeter. I feel fairly confident saying he won't be winning his MVP Trophy in 2007. Not that Maj. Morneau was likely to let him have one anyway.
You will find your next set of orders on the south side of the Tim Hortons parking lot on Kipling Avenue near the airport in Mississauga. Your packet will include a new set of equipment, and details on the high-value target we need dealt with next. I feel it's time for subject Perez [CODENAME: "Joker"] to have some control problems.
Don't you? That was a joke, Lieutenant. Do try to lighten up.
Signed,
Major Gordon F. Danzinger
Batallion Commander, Royal Canadian Mounted Police
Domain accepted.
Intercept in progress...
*************************************** CONFIDENTIAL ****************************************
************************* THAT MEANS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, EH? ************************
**************************************************************************************************
SENT: 01/10/07, 09:43 GMT
FROM: Maj. Danzinger <"gfd@rcmp.gc.ca">
TO: Lt. Thomson <"jct@cse.gc.ca">
CC: Maj. Gibbons <"john.gibbons@bluejays.com">, Col. Wells <"vernon.wells@bluejays.com">, Lt. Zaun <"gregg.zaun@bluejays.com">, Brig. Gen. Trebek <"alex.trebek@kingworld.com">
SUBJECT: First Misson
Lt. Thomson,
Congratulations on a highly successful first mission. You completed your assignment with discretion and a minimum of fuss. I don't mind telling you that there were others in the organization who put more initial stock in your abilities than I. Others who were more willing to put their faith in a new recruit from the hills of Mississippi such as yourself.
Well, they were proven to be justified, and I stand corrected. That is to your credit, Lieutenant.
That acclaim is even more deserved given your personal history with the two targets of the first mission. Yes, we here at HQ indeed knew about your prior friendship with subject Lo Duca [CODENAME: "Exacta"] and your longstanding acquaintance with subject Floyd [CODENAME: "Creaky"]. This was no minor point of worry.
They remain completely unaware of what awaits them.
All the while, and even more impressively, your biotags resembled those of a 10-year veteran. Your Sweat Index barely budged, your heart rate never even approached the danger zone, barely a flicker in the frontal cortex. Your mission commander heard not a peep of protest.
It's like you were born for spy work.
But prepared for this second life of yours or not, there will continue to be doubts. There always are for new recruits such as yourself, raw converts to this crusade of ours. We at the CSE have never found it easy to trust outsiders. Our mandate is too important.
I understand the bosses' frustrations. The home office has been a complete wreck since the Flames lost the Stanley Cup to those damn tobacco farmers last spring. Meanwhile, the Raptors drafted an Italian stringbean with the first pick in the draft, the Sabres have been running roughshod over us, and the first thing the B.C. Lions did after winning the Grey Cup was break it.
Teaching them the error of their ways ... oh, that was a fun weekend.
But your focus must remain on baseball, and on your mission parameters. The Blue Jays' ascent must necessarily come at the expense of other organizations, just as Canada's rise to world domination must inevitably follow the fall of her southern neighbor. The United States' favorite icons must be torn down and made an example of.
In this case, that meant the New York Mets, a wholesome and inspiring team that Americans will rally behind given half a chance. We must sow doubts about their intentions, their motives, their morals and their values. They cannot be allowed to capture the hearts and minds of the citizenry.
As for the Yankees, well, let's just say we now have quite a bit of leverage over the man we now know as Comrade Jeter. I feel fairly confident saying he won't be winning his MVP Trophy in 2007. Not that Maj. Morneau was likely to let him have one anyway.
You will find your next set of orders on the south side of the Tim Hortons parking lot on Kipling Avenue near the airport in Mississauga. Your packet will include a new set of equipment, and details on the high-value target we need dealt with next. I feel it's time for subject Perez [CODENAME: "Joker"] to have some control problems.
Don't you? That was a joke, Lieutenant. Do try to lighten up.
Signed,
Major Gordon F. Danzinger
Batallion Commander, Royal Canadian Mounted Police
posted by Cheddar Ben at 8:15 AM
2 Comments:
Interesting tidbit at the end of that Post article Cheddar linked to. Check this out:
"The Mets donated $25,000 to Esperanza International to assist 500 families interested in starting a business during a ceremony at their training facility in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic."
Am I wrong, or does that mean the Mets essentially donated 50 dollars per family? In fairness, $50 is equal to 1,687.50 Dominican pesos, but still.
Another thing I learned this morning: Pedro Martinez has a 19-year-old son. Pedro himself is 35. He was 16 when this child was born, possibly 15 when it was conceived. He's the best.
I read that pedro stuff too..
Post a Comment
<< Home