Spheres of Influence

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***************************************CONFIDENTIAL****************************************

SENT: 01/25/07, 14:43 GMT
FROM: Agent Cashman <"brian.cashman@newyork.yankees.mlb.com">
TO: President Hu <"hu.jintao@english.gov.cn">
CC: Agent Steinbrenner <"george.steinbrenner@newyork.yankees.mlb.com">, Agent Johnson <"randy.johnson@arizona.diamondbacks.mlb.com">, Special Agent Emanski <"te@tom-emanski-baseball-videos.com">

SUBJECT: Our new venture

Well, it looks like they bought it? Can you believe it? Neither can I. A baseball factory in China indeed. I actually pitched a reporter on a lead comparing our new venture to the other famous academies throughout history - West Point, Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Hogwarts. He almost went for it, the idiot.

Agent Johnson, I'm especially glad to see that your negativity remained unjustified. To be sure, we all agreed that China's lackluster performance in the World Baseball Classic would present something of an informational hurdle. The 40-6 aggregate scoreline was not what we had hoped for. And more outlets than we would have preferred led with the fact that China has never produced a minor-league player, never mind a major-leaguer.

But that's the news media for you. Dangle shiny concepts like "potential" and "growth" in front of their faces, and they'll walk right off a cliff. Like lemmings, but with slower reaction time. Comes from being fat and out of shape.

Agent Steinbrenner, I have you on tape at our previous meeting saying the following: "Who'll believe we would open an academy in a country where there's not a single damn prospect amongst a billion people?" Everyone, that's who. Your speaking privileges have been revoked.

Still, we must be ever vigilant. Information is out there that cannot be reclaimed, but continuing to manage details such as the following will go a long way toward keeping our true purposes concealed.

The Yankees have been working with the Chinese Baseball
Association for more than six months to forge a relationship that would allow
the Yankees to send coaches, scouts and trainers to China.

The media will not slumber forever. We know the project will not be completed without some information leaking out, and those digging for more will use nuggets such as the preceding paragraph to start their search. Proper preparation will allow all our representatives to deflect these inquiries with ease.

What kind of relationship is ours? "Completely apolitical. We just want to play beisbol."

What have these negotiations been concerning? "Nothing at all to do with this, and why are you asking?"

What kind of skills do your coaches and trainers have? "Why, we don't even know what a satellite is! This interview is over." In fact, the moment you hear anything like "kinetic kill vehicle" come out of the mouths of one of these reporter punks, consider Protocol Alcantara to be authorized. Let's see how curious they are after that.

Our visit to Beijing next week will take place as planned. Agent Levine and the rest of the delegation have received their orders, and have been briefed as to the pick-up and drop-off points for the items in question. They will also have the black and white cookies you requested. One of your men can pick those up at the hotel desk.

The front posture must be refreshed with the passage of time. I don't need to tell you that our cover will be immeasurably improved should our "academy" actually manage to produce a player of any worth.

Hahahaha. Sorry, I know. I can't help myself sometimes.

No, seriously, Special Agent Emanski, we appreciate your volunteering for such a thankless and inevitably fruitless task. The compensation alone, while ample, could not have been enough to persuade you to leave your back-to-back-to-back national champions in a country where the citizenry have actually heard of the game. Your patriotism is remarkable, and has not gone unrecognized in certain quarters.

I have nothing further at this point, aside from a reminder that while the new Secretary General and his co-conspirators in Tokyo can plant their people as close to our operation as they please, they can do nothing to affect our own security. Stay alert, be strong, and all will go smoothly.

And in nine months, we will have Agent Yi at our disposal, and the revolution can begin in earnest.

Farewell for now,

Agent Cashman

(Note: Images courtesy of mlb.com, telegraph.co.uk, and sportsmed.starwave.com)