Introducing ... "Incogzito"

(Note: Sip will be in with a post later. Also, this post contains a vaguely NSFW photo: consider yourself warned. Pictures of this sort are not normally run on Y2K, and just in case your boss happens to be peering over your shoulder, we like to keep you guys in the know.

Also, please note that one week from today we will launch our new site at www.yankees2000.com. Cheers.)

Kudos to Lou Monte on a bold debut yesterday. That Barry Zito video from "At Home With Lisa Guerrero" was a find and a half, a veritable treasure trove of Zito mania. It felt a little bit like a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future, but more on that in a moment.

More pressingly, I'm going to break with Sweet Lou and admit I already hate this curveballed asshole.

A couple of points about the video, and scroll down and watch it if you already haven't. Really, Lisa was eating out of the palm of his hand just a little too much for anyone's taste. I mean, there's unprofessional, and there's trying to throw off the camera so you can move in for the kill. "Here's the San Francisco wharf, here's the harbor seals, here's a cheap motel room...."

And also, Lisa coined a term during that fateful broadcast that will certainly live on at Y2K for all eternity, assuming Barry does in fact wind up signing with Los Mets. She knew not what she did.

That term? Incogzito.

It's a delightlful little word fraught with hidden meaning, double takes and loaded connotations, so we're going to need to break it down here. Well done to Lisa, once more, for introducing it to the world.

My take? Incogzito is to incognito as Slim Shady is to Emimem.

Incognito implies a genuine desire to go unnoticed, a need (conscious or otherwise) to stay out of the blistering spotlight.

First of all, he who rolls "incogzito" is most certainly not trying to be inconspicuous, or keep a low profile. On the contrary, dear Watson, he is most likely trying to be the center of the show in a most pining and pathetic way.

But these incogzito types draw interest by acting in a bizarre or surreptitious manner, a la Barry and that creepy guitar playing from the video. Weird stuff. I never knew how many times the guitar-smashing scene from "Animal House" could run through your head in a 30-second span, but here we are.

To the point of motive, the incogzito actor tries to draw attention by acting as if he is not trying to draw attention.

Thus the paradox suggests itself to the passersby -- compelled to look at his antics, whether they be of a sociopathic or understated bent, out of a notion that this weirdo is doing something interesting and doesn't want to be seen.

There's something good to watch here, says they. A little slice of humanity. Let's follow along.

Whereas, in fact, he or she is hoping you'll pick up on that vibe, and watch their stupid ass parade around as if John le Carre used to have coffee at that little shop on the corner with the excellent blinces. Not bloody likely, right?

A couple of clarifications are called for.

What about sunglasses?

First of all, for obvious reasons, sunglasses play a big role in both incognito and incogzito. The true sub rosa operator must shield his eyes for reasons of prudence and necessity, the better to avoid detection, and so must the poseur, whose enterprise is reliant on successfully reproducing a similar veneer of anonymity.

But with incogzito, the flashier the sunglasses, the better. Those aviator shades that are so popular with the kids these days will do nicely. Go for it.

Does someone acting in an incogzito manner have to be famous?

This is a difficult point, and the answer is "not always." Someone with a genuine motivation to operate incognito, eg. a famous baseball pitcher or a musician, has a much easier transition to the self-love and borderline-insulting haughtiness of incogzito simply because the contrast between expected and observed behavior is so clearly delineated.

Some guy off the street with nothing to lose, even in theory, may not be acting incogzito. He may just be crazy. This must be taken into account.

But if you could reasonably be expected to be trying to avoid attention, then flipping the script should certainly be an option open to you.

Where can I see incogzito in action today?

It's tougher than it used to be, what with Ashton Kutcher a house husband these days and the other celebrity trees pretty denuded of interesting foliage. Pretty much any movie star who goes out to buy coffee instead of sending their assistant because there's a new flick coming out and they need to make sure their photo is in the tabs is rolling pretty incogzito.

You see a lot of incogzito out of the clubbing set, the types that stand at their table and aim to mindfuck you into thinking they're somebody by acting very quietly. A relatively basic ruse, but it speaks to their state of mind.

Incogzito is a big part of the business tycoon's routine (not a Trump, more on the Jack Welch captain of industry side). Incogzito is rampant on the LES and in certain parts of Park Slope.

Suffice to say that if Omar brings home the bacon, there will be more incogzito along the No. 7 train route than there ever has been before.

"Hey, honey, look at that guy wearing a baseball jersey playing guitar and singing to himself underneath the overpass. Shhh, no, don't let him know you're looking at him ...."

I'm not unhappy about this. There will be intersting times. But let us not mistake what we are witnessing.