From Lou Monte’s Inbox to Yours: Scott Boras y Omar Minaya

(Note: Sip will be in with a piece later today. Also, tomorrow's the day, boys and girls. Tomorrow brings the arrival at www.yankees2000.com. For now though, let the smooth sounds of Lou Monte take you away.)

To: Scott Boras
From: Omar Minaya
BCC: Lou Monte
Subject: barry – next week

scott,

headed back from the DR manyana and wanted to make sure we’re on the same page here.

i’ve been talking with theo about this matsuzaka mess, and we both think it’s time you learned a lesson. holding out negotiations to the 11th hour—and, in your case, often way beyond that—just isn’t good business. you’re screwing over red sox nation by asking theo to shell out 100 mil for a guy who’ll never be more than a #2.

your guy doesn’t want to go back home, just like j.d. drew didn’t want to go play semi-pro for a year and a-rod didn’t want to get his whine on in dallas. now it looks like there’ll be more hojo mojo than gyroball jitters when you hold out your guy beyond the deadline once again.

so we’re giving you a deadline on zito—one week. i’m not interested in your meandering, ari gold bullshit. i’m interested in finding a starting pitcher. you don’t have my job, even though the wilpons just LOVED you single-handedly building the tigers last year (kenny rogers is a bum, and anyone who watched The Bases-Loaded Walk knows it).

and while i just love your one-liners in the tabloids—“talent doesn’t have a wristwatch”? that doesn’t even make sense!—i’m not gonna keep rescheduling my weekly card game with rickey henderson so tom hicks can blow barry zito some more.

we both know the angels and dodgers are your phantom clients of the winter and that barry’s already lined up a bassist and cracked-out violin player for a DMB cover band in brooklyn. you know i can go 5 years at 16 per and an option but no more.

i think we can do a bobblehead day, but only if banco popular is sponsoring (seems an all-american boy doesn’t hurt for marketing around here after all, but you already told me that 45 times in the fancy binder i left for the maid back at the hotel in florida).

really don’t mean to be so brash here, but four-hour yuk yuk sessions with cashman strike me as a waste of time when your player knows where he wants to go and for how much.

i’m not pulling anything like that *brilliant* first strategy of the steve phillips era when he refused to draft j.d., but i wouldn’t mind the exclusive negotiations u got theo with j.d. this time around but for barry.

the faster we get this done, the quicker we can put our new primetime sny show into pre-production: chris cotter presents “hitting the murray hill scene with david wright and barry zito.” it’s kind of like the bachelor meets fear factor.

we just love chris cotter over here, so don’t think barry’s gonna be #1 golden boy all of a sudden. in fact, i’m thinking about keeping cliff floyd on part-time just to haze all the white punks on willie’s goodie-two-shoes list. but seriously, stop wasting time around the set of the o.c. over at your newport beach offices and get to the negotiating table.

waiting for you to ink this deal is about as frustrating as putting a candy bar in front of micha barton and just watching her scream at it. so i’ve said my piece. let’s try to fly barry in on wednesday. rickey and i have jordan sitting in for hold ‘em on thursday, so i’m booked then.

no estop belibe,
o.m.

--------------------- Enviado de mi radio del Blackberry------------