10 Reasons Why Barry Zito Is Already My Favorite Met

(Note: Today's the debut for a new writer here at Y2K, Lou Monte. Lou's gonna be handling Monday mornings around here, and we're excited to have him on the team. Sip will be in with a post later this afternoon.

Also, readers, please be advised that 8 days from now we intend to have our new website up and running. Beginning Tuesday, Dec. 12, we will be available at www.yankees2000.com. As for now, still blogspot. Salt.)

Lou Monte here, with some good news to report. And it’s about goddamn time.

Ever since the sheer incomprehensibly Italian enthusiasm of my final, fatal post-“Take Me Out to the Ballgame” performance of “Lazy Mary” at Shea six weeks ago sent Yadier Molina into some strange daze that convinced him he could hit, I’d considered taking up retirement at the Swan and Dolphin Resort in Disney World, where the winter meetings are set to begin today.

But after smelling all the booze on those tabloid reporters and those even more horse-shit-wreaking rumors of theirs, I’ve returned to the Big Apple to tell Mets fans why there’s no reason to keep reeling from that one October night we all realized Aaron Heilman really only has two pitches, why there’s no reason to worry about getting burnt on the hot stove this week, why the 2007 rotation will be better than any since 2000. After all, Lou Monte’s got a new best friend.

He’s 28 and he’s chill – calls everyone “dude.” Name’s Barry. No worries, man. You’ll meet him at Shea soon. Omar Minaya’s gonna find as much cash in the next two weeks as it takes to make sure you do, because it’s literally the only thing he has to do – maybe that he can do – between now and July to keep you and Willie satisfied. And I promise you’ll dig him. Here’s why:

10. He’s just like you, me and Cowbell Man.

As the always solid reporting of Lisa Guerrero below tells us, Barry’s a real guy – rotten tomatoes in the fridge, severely amateur musicianship, the works.

Apparently, as old friend Lee Jenkins’ great piece in The Times today tells us, Barry’s stepped up the digs and his snobbishness a bit in the last couple years. But that’s just Scott Boras talking – and he’ll be doing a lot of talking this week, so best not to pay too much attention. Check out Lisa instead:



9. He hates stuffed animals.

Barry apparently made up a much-discussed story about traveling with stuffed animals as a “fun” storyline for ESPN. Good, because I hate stuffed animals too, and it means Barry knows how to work the New York media, the Cliff Floyd way.

He even had a playoff blog, though Cliff’s version this fall was one of the more heartbreaking uses of the diary form in the past decade. You’ll be much, much missed Uncle C.

8. He’s D.W.R. (Down with Rick).

Rick Peterson, who apparently always wears that pullover not to rock an old Sanitation Co. t-shirt under there John Franco-styles but to hold his stopwatch and notepad, knows Barry from back in Oakland. And we’re not talking any Victor Zambrano, fix-er-up love here.

Slick Rick’s been on the phone with this kid recruiting him for a year, trying to get him to complete a group of D.W.R. guys – starters with brains who will stick to The Professor’s game plan, who won’t make him feel so awkward touching them on the should every single time he visits the mound.

7. He’s not Steve Trachsel.

Mr. Four-and-a-Half-Hour-Game-Guaranteed always seemed to start every time I went out to Shea. Having Barry Zito locked up for six years means I don’t have to rely on a burnt-out, very not-D.W.R. boring fest for 15 wins a year.

6. He’s not Oliver Perez.

You’ve gotta love the worst game seven starter of all time for his stuff, but if 2007 is going to be the year of destiny Omar planned on it being when he arrived from the drudges of Montreal, the last thing Flushing needs is to rely on another reclamation project.

Having a lefty with proven stuff like Barry Zito locked up in the front of the rotation for 200 innings means Perez doesn’t have to be your No. 4 starter.

Instead, Mike Pelfrey will be fighting with him for the fifth spot (which Pedro will fill post-gardening/rehab anyway) instead of being traded for Javier Vasquez’s 5+ E.R.A. And that’s a big deal when you consider how deep the Phillies’ rotation could be next year.

5. He does yoga.

Lou Monte’s personal off-season favorite pastime (gotta blow those seventh inning stretch royalty checks somewhat appropriately) could’ve done El Duque a favor this past postseason.

So here’s hoping Barry can save Ray Ramirez’s staff some cheddar next season and be the team’s personal yogi. You know Pedro’s down. But between Zito’s pre-game bikram, SoCal pedigree, affinity for surfing and apparent curiosity for The Electric LoDuca Acid Test (see Question 7), his “zany” habits bring us to…

4. He’s probably a stoner.

It’s not just that 12-to-6 curve that’s loopy. Grant Roberts really wasn’t legit enough to hold down Tony Torasco’s short-lived cannabis clubhouse (also known as Bernard Gilkey’s Outfield Grass and probably short-lived because Jeff Weaver stopped by the Bronx for a bit).

Here’s hoping Barry can teach Jose Reyes how to calm down when he’s ahead in the count.

3. You know he’s gonna live in Manhattan.

What’s with the prissy Connecticut McMansion scene this team has going on? The Yankees have way too much dominance of New York City real estate, and I will not have Billy Wagner’s down-South nerves to blame. Bonus: The Wright-Zito roommate pair helps them save enough to pitch in for this year’s inevitable retirement present for Fonzie, and reminds us…

2. He’s a pimp.

It feels like far too long since the Mets have had a California dude who blasted some rock for his warm-up music and could wash away rumors of being gay as fast as he sidled up to the latest Playboy Playmate.

But Pretty Lou hasn’t hit up the Mets store for an authentic jersey since Monster Mike, and 75 is a much better number than 31.

1. He’s a No. 1 pitcher.

Barry may not necessarily be the ace Boras makes him out to be, but he’s gonna tear up weak N.L. hitting just as much as the Chris Carpenters and Brandon Webbs of the world long enough for Pedro and Tommy to come in and complete the best top of the rotation in the league.

Not since the Doc will New York have anticipated a young star pitcher’s arrival on a winning team so much.

Which means, with the way The Post is going these days, that not since Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright will a young pitcher in his prime have come to the city with such big expectations.

Which means, the way Omar’s got brass balls these days, that my dad can keep going on about Zito being the next Koufax and that he’ll still be my favorite Met when he starts opening day in April.

Knock on wood,
L.M.