Sip Gone Crazy

(Note: A piece by Cheddar Ben about Endy Chavez follows this piece by Sippy Momo. Enjoy.)

Rewind to March, 2006. I tell you that we have a doubleheader with the Braves in September with Dave Williams and Oliver Perez on the hill.

Sip Sr. provides an emphatic “Who!”

AFOMG shouts a giant “What the fuck?”

Even Mama Sip is yelling (Though, she does like to yell about a lot of things).

These two guys are bigger castaways than Wilson. Dave Williams, simply put, has never been good. We got him for free from the Reds, a thank you for gracing the city of Cincinatti with the beauty of David Weathers.

But the situation with Oliver Perez is different. This guy is young and two years removed from a dominating season. Still, his team was willing to give up on him.

On Wednesday, these guys shocked the world, much like my recent employers, by going out and dominating our once nemesis the Atlanta Braves. The duo gave up one run in two games, with Perez pitching a shutout in Game 2.

We all have our theories.

Mets optimists still see Rick Petersen as the next coming of Jesus, thereby assuming that anyone this guy touches turns to gold, that the man with the sweetest mullet on the east coast was able to magically cure Perez’s woes and return him to his old, impressive self.

Not so fast, Happy Will.

Lets get a few more ten's of starts out of this guy before we believe in miracles.

Speaking of miracles, as Jews across the country get fired up for the high holiday season, Shawn Green is gearing up for a big postseason in New York.

Shawn’s always been a good Jew, even though he changed his name from Greenberg to mask his beliefs, and even though he was never actually bar mitzvahed.

Still, on a day where Shawn mashed 2 dongs like Cousin Leslie destroys bottles of Merlot at a high holiday supper, the Mets managed to get what can be viewed as a minor miracle out of two unknown arms.

Coincidence? In the same way that House Music could have prevented Apartheid and World War I, the infusion of Judaism could very well be responsible for yesterday’s performance at Shea.

It makes total sense, doesn’t it?

The lord of the Hebrews looked down on his favorite temple, Shea Stadium, and did the baseball version of the parting of the Red Sea.

He made a guy who was 0 for his stint with the Mets go 6-for-8 with 2 Dongheimers and then had two pitchers that have pitched a combined 3 good games in 2 years dominate our arch rivals in back-to-back games.

As always on Thursday’s, as you get to the latter bit of this column, you’re probably scratching your heads.

Has the Sip lost it, you say?

This time he very well may have. See, as of yesterday I decided to take my talents elsewhere, from the fine wines and cozy settings of Silicon Valley, to the professional gambling circuit.

With the opening night of football just hours away, I spent an entire night on red bull and coffee handicapping the fuck out of this season. More than the caffeine, it was the adrenaline from James Blake's post match celebration in which he threw on a Carlos Beltran jersey, firmly entrenching him as my favorite tennis player of all time.

Blake moved ahead of Michael Chang (who I played with in the park) and Todd Woodforde, doubles specialist, who I saw play in my first ever match at Flushing (alongside Johnny Mc).

Sleep deprevation can really fuck a guy up. It made Eddie Norton think he was Brad Pitt. Now it's making the Sip think he is Matthew Mcconaughey from the all time worst flick, 2 for the Money.

Call me crazy and apologies for the short little piece. It’s an interesting time in the life of SM.

VCD,

The Sip

PS: Sports Guy’s column on football officially put him over the top as the best writer to then get too confident in his writing and turn into the worst writer.

His analysis of the Browns where he talks about how they need to find a new center was the most transparent example of a dude who knows shit about sports but just reads one column and wants to pawn off a somewhat obscure piece of insight as his own.

Your readers know that LeCharles Bentley got hurt and we expect you to know that. But this injury will not make or break the Browns season. If you’re actually trying to educate us, then educate us. But please, do not try and impress us. It’s sad.

And one last thing. The Rams as a sleeper. That's really balls out.

As KFC put it, he has a list of 10 teams that were absolute shlock. The Rams do not belong there.

It is like me saying that My sleeper this year is the Eagles... I also think the Pats might be good too.