Pat Burrell, Met Savior

Well, either Burrell or Humberto Quintero (you kill my father, prepare to die), whose 6-4-3 double play with one man down and the bases juiced delivered a 4-3 victory to the upstart Phillies, and kept the Mets' magic number locked at 1.

After last night's debacle, which featured Pedro Martinez doing none of the lofty things I hoped he would, I retired to my room to follow the Phillies-Astros game on GameCast.

By that point we were already in the 7th inning or so, the Phillies were already up 4-3. Pat Burrell, the reknowned Met killer, had slain a 3-2 fastball from former Met nemesis Roger Clemens in the top of the first to give the Phils an inspiring 4-0 lead.

Side note here: I normally despise the Phillies. I don't really know why. The Mets have never really contended with them for a wild card or a division title, at least not that I can remember. Maybe it's their fans, a notoriously obnoxious bunch.

Or maybe it's Pat Burrell. For years this guy has tormented the Mets in a manner normally reserved for somebody in a Braves uniform with the word "Jones" on the back.

He was the cause of a near-fight in the stands at Shea between B.O.A.F.O.M.G., a couple Phillies fans and myself several years ago, after he slugged what proved to be a game-winning home run off of, who else, Armando Benitez.

But last night that was all forgiven, and all of it will be forgiven today if the Phillies can somehow piece together another win against the Astros.

Things started looking pretty dicey in the 9th, after two Philadelphia errors and an infield single loaded the bases against Flash Gordon. I charged down the hall defiantly, grabbed my bottle of Champagne out of the refrigerator, and resigned myself to accepting a division title without an on-field celebration.

By the time I returned to my room it was over. Quintero had done the work of so many Carlos Baergas, and the Mets were still a decision away from the NL East crown.

Reading the papers this morning, it seems that the Mets are ambivalent about when they clinch. They want to win it on the field, but they don't need it.

Me, I kind of need it.

So for that reason I'm putting my faith in Burrell's powerful bat and the trusty left arm of Cole Hamels.

After reading the Cole Hamels Facts web page, I'm feeling pretty confident. Tough not to be when you consider the following:

183. Cole Hamels knocked down the Berlin Wall. With a change-up.

279. There are only three types of liars: liars, damn liars, and anyone who claims to have gotten a hit off of Cole Hamels.

349. Ron Howard has signed on to direct "A Beautiful Arm, the Cole Hamels Story".

Ron Howard, really?

Opposing Hamels will be Astros hurler Jason Hirsh, owner of a shiny 6.10 ERA and 1.61 WHIP.

Will I be devastated if the Phillies lose this afternoon and the Mets are division champs before they take the field this evening? No.

But in my perfect world, the Phillies would win, El Duque would sparkle, the Mets would look half-way capable of hitting left-handed pitching, and after Wagner pumps strike three into the mitt of Paul Lo Duca the team would celebrate, and the Champagne would flow like so many tears from Pedro Martinez.

Here's hoping it happens.

- A.F.O.M.G.