The Most Unappealing Team Money Could Buy
My favorite part of the discussion was how "Cashman" ended his first post with "you guys are just like the Yankees, you just don't know it yet...".
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, come on, everyone who reads this site watches Entourage. If you want to channel Billy, the indier-than-thou director of Queens Boulevard, at least reference his sitar or something. (And for what it's worth, I'm not going it buy an "I don't watch Entourage" rebuff on this one).Now look, I enjoy the Yankee bashing as much as the next guy, but I'm not normally the guy to bring it to you. But on the eve of this all-important 5-game series between the Yankees and the Red Sox, I find myself really, really hoping the Yankees don't make the playoffs this year.
You know what it is? I just find this group of Yankees to be uniquely hateable. I look at that team and I don't know how it's possible to root for any of them. It's just so different from the Mets.
This is where all the Yankee fans out there start crying bloody murder. Whatever. I've got my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Better yet, I'm anxious to defend it.
So with that in mind, let's go position-by-position and compare the men from Queens and the bitches from the Bronx. I realize this exercise is almost entirely subjective on some level, but I really think that if you got 100 baseball fans in a room and showed them this breakdown, the majority would agree with it as well.
Catcher: Jorge Posada vs. Paul Lo Duca.
Let's see... the guy with the "Posada is a little bitch" t-shirts or Paulie Thumbs, who picks winners by day and slays groupies by night? This one isn't even a fair fight.
As much as I'd love to say "And it's Lo Duca by a nose!" the gap between these two is more like a long sea mile.
Strongest possible advantage: Mets.
First base: Jason Giambi vs. Carlos Delgado.
The thing about Giambi is that all kudos he recieves for being cool are left over from his days with Oakland. Back then this would have been almost as one-sided a contest as Posada vs. Lo Duca.
Back when Giambi was the leader of Oakland's fratboy clubhouse, he was basically the coolest dude in sports. His "Hit like an all-star. Party like a rock star. Hammer like a porn star." t-shirts are legendary.
But something happened when he came to the Bronx. The tat-marked, shaggy haired punk was replaced with a lisping, Steinbrenner-jocking bitch who couldn't be more of a forgotten man in the Yankees' clubhouse.
Compare that with Delgado, the on-field leader of the Mets. The guy who pumps his fist with every clutch double play, the guy who actually takes an opinion on things and stands up for what he believes, the guy who actually has some principles and refused to sign with the Mets because Omar played the Latin card (and yes, I give him credit for that).
Sorry, I'm taking Delgado.
Advantage: Mets.
Second base: Robinson Cano vs. Jose Valentin.
Truth is, I know absolutely nothing about either of these guys. There's a part of me that wants to give it to Valentin because he's having a comeback player of the year-type season, which he deserves a lot of credit for. But in the spirit of fairness, I'm going to give the Yankees the advantage here. Whatever.
Advantage(?): Yankees.
Third base: Alex Rodriguez vs. David Wright.
Ahahahahahahahahaha.
Excuse me, THIS is the strongest possible advantage: Mets.
Shortstop: Derek Jeter vs. Jose Reyes.
Ahahahahahahahahaha.
Sorry, that was left over from the A-Rod/Wright comparison. Jeter vs. Reyes is a somewhat compelling argument. You gotta give Jeter his due here. He's a fist-pumping clutch performer. He's the leader of the Yankees (even though I think Cheddar's critique of Jeter's handling of the A-Rod crisis on Tuesday stands). He slams supermodels.
But then there's Mr. Glass. As far as I'm concerned, all you need to know is that he's the one who choreographs all of the Mets' awesome post-homerun celebrations. But if that's not enough, there's also the way he smiles and claps his hands after legging out a triple, or swiping another bag.
He stays out of the tabloids, but this 23-year-old already has one child, and his girlfriend's got a bun in the oven. Jeter can go on as many dates as he likes, but it's the Glass Man who closes the deal.
Besides, we're friends.
Advantage: Mets.
Left field: Cliff Floyd vs. Hideki Matsui.
Perhaps this should be Uncle vs. Melky Cabrera, but we'll go with the would-be everyday player here who's under a long-term contract.
Like so many others, I respect Matsui. I like how he plays the game. He's not flashy, he just goes out there and puts up numbers. He's a pro.
So no disrespect to Hideki, but come on, this is Cliff we're talking about here. The guy who gives the most amusing, most honest interviews in baseball (i.e. "there is no light at the end of the tunnel"). The guy who makes Wright carry his bags so that when he goes through airport security he has to say that issues of Ebony Magazine are his. The guy who's been through the ups and downs in New York and become a fan favorite.
Hideki is many things, but an electric personality he's not.
Advantage: Mets.
Center field: Johnny Damon vs. Carlos Beltran.
Alright look. Just like with Hideki Matsui, Carlos Beltran is many things, but an electric personality isn't one of them. We all know that this one should go to Damon.
And you know what? I'm gonna give him the advantage, against my better judgment, but here's what I would say if I weren't:
I'd say fuck that. We all know this one should go to Damon? We all know that Damon should still be with the Red Sox, but he's not. And for my money you can't put a price on integrity.
Now look, Beltran took the money too. But the guy didn't take the money to go to his team's biggest rival. As a matter of fact, he took the money to go to one of the worst teams in baseball. Now he's a major part of a franchise's revival. Damon? He's just another cog in the wheel.
Besides, Beltran makes 17 mil a season and it's still not enough for him to get that grotesque facial wart removed. Now THAT's integrity.
So that's what I would say. But in the interest of maintaining MY integrity, let's call this what it is.
Advantage: Yankees.
Right field: Gary Sheffield/Bobby Abreu vs. Lastings Milledge.
Let's see. On the Yankees' side you've got the biggest jerk in baseball this side of Barry Bonds or Bobby Abreu, perhaps the dullest player in the game. On the Mets' side you've got the cockiest kid in the league.
This one belongs to Thrilledge, if, for no other reason, than that he had the balls to slap hands with everyone in the stands after hitting his first home run. Or for rocking the biggest Jesus piece any of us have ever seen in his major league debut.
Not enough? Ask yourself, who would I rather hang out with? Yeah. Thought so.
Strong Advantage: Mets.
Starting pitcher: Pedro Martinez vs. Randy Johnson.
Ahahahahahahahahaha.
Not quite the strongest possible advantage (see "Third base: Alex Rodriguez vs. David Wright," above) but just a shade under that: Mets.
* * * * *
And that about does it for me, folks. Looking over that list, I'm pretty sure most everyone would agree with me if they could take a step back.
At the end of the day it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean the Mets are better than the Yankees. All it means is that Yankee fans routinely root for the biggest collection of herbs and stiffs $200 million could buy.
Anyway, have a good weekend everybody. And be sure to check in on Sunday for Cheddar Ben's weekly recap.
- A.F.O.M.G.
posted by A Friend of Mr. Glass' at 2:18 PM
12 Comments:
Good grief. Seems AFOMG drank a few too many glasses of white wine at a party last night (what dude drinks white wine at a party? talk about uniquely hateable). How on earth do you put Johnny Damon as more likeable than Carlos Beltran. I'm just so completely lost on this one I can't even construct an argument. Johnny Damon leaves the team that he is the heart and soul of to go to the arch-nemesis and he's more likeable that Beltran? The only possible explanation (other than a Bono-like allergy to wine) is that A Friend of Alex Rodriguez' broke onto your computer. You should call the cops and press charges.
I also take exception to the notion that a 21 y/o .200 hitter who feels so entitled that he shows up late to his 5th ball game in the majors is not completely hateable.
Great column AFOMG! I laughed my arse at most of these.
nails' racism is like so well veiled
give milledge a fucking break im sick of it
i wasnt really calling you a racist, nails. don't be sore.
at aNY rate, how the fuck does damon have 19 dongs already this year?
sorry, nails.
also, wang is the most boring ace of the year and his name is wang.
lastly, cashman would not have traded for abreu if he hadn't been able to steal lidle too. what a steal.
why should milledge get a break? if you give me a reason, i'll consider it.
First of all, I crushed my share of beers, brah, and what can I say, I enjoy a glass of white wine on a summer's evening.
Second, yes, it's a fair point you make, and I really struggled with giving the nod to Damon. Part of the issue is that I never quite decided whether this was a study in personal magnetism or likeability. Beltran is certainly more likeable than Damon, but in terms of who is the more compelling personality, that's gotta go to Damon. I gave the argument that one would give if they were to give the nod to Beltran, but ultimately I felt that I had to give go with Damon in order to maintain my credibility. Part of the idea is that I think most people would agree with the way I decided each of these, and love Beltran though I do, I don't think most objective people would have agreed with me if I'd given him the nod.
And I hate to say it, but I agree with Lister on the racist tinge to peoples' dislike of Milledge.
because he's never actually done anything to deserve the bad-boy stigma perpetrated by the ny post.
because he's a cocky athlete and that pretty much describes all of them.
because he gets a bad rap due to his perceived image.
he's been bad for us at the plate and in the field so far, but not in the clubhouse, where the post was praying he would be a total cancer.
if you don't think that he is perceived to be a lot worse than he actually is simply because of his hair, his seemingly hip-hop alpha-male swagger, then we just see different realities.
Nails - I'm not lister (obviously) but I think we should give Milledge a break.
My reasons are this: his call-up year was one-year earlier than expected due to unexpected injuries. The fans LOVED him at first, he seemed to be playing at expectation, but not just there but had loads and loads of potential.
In the course of time he was sent to minors, he's been playing in CF to be showcased in a trade which we all knew blew up in Omar's face (hello Peter Angelos) and then with Dirty going down for the count, had to use his trump card to get a late-inning reliever.
Now Milledge is thrust into the spotlight, had all sorts of undue pressure on him in the minors because of his showcased abilities, then is constantly haunted by those two misplays (actually, weren't there three? I've blocked it) at Fenway, and can't seem to get ahead.
Not to mention, those "idiots" at Shea are booing him. Booing him! Like *that's* gonna help. It seems like people forget that in his first stint up here, he hit a double in his very first game and hit a game-tying home run in extras which made him a superstar.
Attitude and arrogance aside, Nails, I feel we need to nurture Milledge and make him feel at home. It wasn't his fault that he was made starting RF on a team that's extremely visible right now, that's playoff bound, and replacing a likeable everyday player in the clubhouse and by the fans.
Let's give him a break. I'm not saying we should excuse his behavior or questionable defense, but let's be real - he's here. He's ours. Mark my words, he will come into his own.
AFOMG, Didn't know you had it in you pal. A better written version of anything I would have tried to write.
Coop, we cool.
Disagree strongly with the Damon v Beltran. It's like deciding between nailing a 6 or nailing a girl with Aids. Yeah the 6 is dull and is nothing to brag to your friends about, but its better than human disease. Can't put a price tag on loyalty.
Re: Lastings/Nails being a racist. I agree with Nails that Lastings has screwed up and I certainly can confirm that Nails is racist.
Again, like with Damon, we have to look at what we are competing with. Sheffield, in my opinion the scariest Yankee/sweetest steroid abusing RF in the game, and bobby abreu looks like shrek and has never once spoke.
Id give this one to the Yanks here. I think sheffield is the man, baseball wise, and i kind of like that he is a huge prick. Plus he's related to the Doc.
Still 7-2 new mets.
The $ip
First of all, some of the people on this list are too smart to be floating the "racist tinge" argument in defense of Milledge. Let's argue the facts instead.
It seems that it is socially acceptable to say that Lastings Milledge has a big ego. If we're going to have a discussion of likeability, I don't think there's anything invalid about pointing out that some people may not find it particularly likeable that a guy who has proven absolutely nothing in the majors should have an "attitude and arrogance." I don't think it is. Baseball is a game about failure, patience, and redemption. If that means that I'm a David Wright, Jose Reyes, Robin Ventura type of guy than so be it. I don't find Milledge to be particularly likeable.
coop: I like all of your points. I would not boo milledge at shea (I live in DC so watch most of games on MLBtv and only caught the Sunday game at RFK last week cuz I was in Japan on Friday/Saturday). I understand he is under a lot of pressure, but I think that's all the more reason for him to put his head down and just play hard. Why wasn't there a story the day after the first game in Fenway about how he was so embarrassed about his mis-played ball that he was out in left field for 2 hours taking fly balls before game 2? Why is he showing up late for games? Etc.
David Wright was killing himself before home games in the minors. Maybe the media is just trying to fit Milledge into a box that he doesn't fit into and I'm just observing a couple of isolated examples to confirm the media's intentional deception. If so, the moment I learn of my ignorance I'll apologize for it. In the meantime, this is how I view the situation. Hope I'm wrong.
The best column since AFOMG vivisected Damon a few months back. And hey Nails, does the statute of limitations ever expire with respect to Milledge being late for one damn game?
Hound: His 2-out hit last night certainly helps. Seriously, if he starts playing well that makes him more likeable. But if he's not producing and walking around with a "big ego," then the chutzpah is off putting. Quite possible I'm making a mountain out of a molehill with regards to any one incident, but the fact is that you never read any stories about how Milledge really busts his ass to improve and then you hear stuff like him showing up late and it makes an impression. L-rd knows the impression could be wrong: Sports stars are famously misjudged (Kirby Puckett). So maybe the media presentation of Milledge is not fair and balanced. But until he proves that he's the real deal, a little humility and hard work would go a long way in my book.
Post a Comment
<< Home