Sip's Pantheon and a Little Trade Talk
So a lot of things have been bothering me of late.
First and foremost are these sunglasses that apparently every woman in the country decided to start wearing. You know the ones I'm talking about. That pair that covers the entire woman’s face.
One of my hipper girl friends was in town this past weekend and all she could talk about is how she wanted an even bigger pair.
What is it about women? First Uggs, then those little mesh slippers with the flowers on them. Is there some sort of rule that inspires women to go find the most hideous fashions and make them trendy?
Sorry for that rant, but I must have seen 13 pairs of those on my drive to work.
Two things sports-related are really starting to irk me. One is Bill Simmons, the other is Marty Noble’s mailbag and the idiocy of what seems like all Met fans.
First Bill Simmons. Like Dave Matthews band in college and most other suburban legends, I jumped on the Simmons train late. I only started reading his columns over the last year or so and even read his book, Now I Can Die in Peace, about life as a Red Sox fan leading up to their World Series title.
At first I really liked Simmons. He talked to us as readers, he was one of our pals. He told us about the episode of Lost that he just watched and then tried to compare it to something in sports. I like Lost. I like sports. It worked.
But of late, I have noticed a few things. Mainly, Bill Simmons doesn’t know a lot about sports.
Bill Simmons’ decline in many ways resembles the decline of Johnny Drama in season 3 of "Entourage".
For the first two seasons, Drama’s comedy was natural. It wasn’t forced, he was just sort of there, much like Stifler in the first American Pie. He wasn’t the centerpiece of the show, yet in many respects he was able to steal the show.
In season 3, Entourage tries to pound Drama in our face. He says his Dramaesque lines even when they are not necessary, as if to fulfill some sort of quota.
I see a lot of that in Simmons. Only in the opposite way.
What made Simmons great was not his knowledge of sports. Like most Boston people, he knew a ton about Boston sports and only what he read in SI about the rest of the league.
We loved him because he wrote to us as our friend, the guy on the couch, who watched the big game with us, drank beers with us, and then watched 24 with us.
Recently it seems things are changing. All of a sudden, all Bill Simmons wants to talk about is sports.
And that sucks!
Look, the guy writes for ESPN; of course he has to sprinkle in his sports talk. But seriously, Simmons is just average when it comes to writing sports.
If I have to read about one more guy making his pantheon, I don't know what I'll do. I get it, Dirk’s good. So is Zidane. Christ. Remember back in 2000 when Carl Everett was getting close to reserving a spot in your pantheon, Billy? It’s like me adding Alay Soler after his 3rd start. Straight Pantheon.
Then there is yesterday’s article where Simmons tells us which premiere league team he will follow this year. Oh boy! A guy who knows nothing about soccer telling us about... soccer.
Mr. Simmons is slowly becoming a member of my pantheon, right there alongside Uggs, Yankee fans and those big sunglasses, Simmons will join my pantheon of things that are well, shit. And it's too bad, the dude really had something going.
Then there are Mets fans. As we approach July 31st’s deadline, we here at Y2K will give you a lot of opinions, insight and whatnot about potential deals.
The one thing I want to say is this. More likely than not, nothing big will happen.
Teams don’t just throw superstars away. So yes, it will require trading Mike Pelfrey or Lastings Milledge to get a Barry Zito or a Dontrelle Willis.
No, there is no other way to avoid this.
Unfortunately, the Mets do not have depth in their system. We have a couple of big names and not a lot else.
And I think trading Milledge is the absolute wrong move. Remember when Reyes struggled out of the chute?
There is a reason why our organization (and all of baseball for that matter) has been in love with Milledge for 3 years, which means that three shaky weeks, a terrible series at Fenway and one incident of being overzealous with fans should not change our opinions about this kid.
They are called growing pains for a reason. Did we all expect this guy to hit 30 home runs this year? That would make my pantheon of ridiculous expectations from Mets fans.
Which means that there are a few best case scenarios.
If we decide to go after Livan Hernandez, we get him because the Nats truly don’t want him and are willing to give him up for change.
The second, a little bullpen help. Truth is, I don’t really see too much available.
We all need to realize that baseball is extremely balanced this year. There are less than five teams in all of baseball that are completely out of it who might be sellers.
By the way, just saw another pair of sunglasses, these ones were especially huge.
Does Julio Lugo’s speed and defense excite me at 2b? Sure. Do we need him? Not really.
The truth is, I think the Muts will end up standing relatively pat. There is not the type of player that makes sense for us to go after, either by investing one of our big prospects, or that we can get for cheap.
What we see now, is what we will probably get in October.
You can add that to the pantheon of things that I am pretty sure of this Thursday, along with my shirt being wrinkled and my cinnabun/beef jerky breakfast combo that I have grown to love over the last few weeks.
Again, apologies for the tirade, but not really. As I get older and realize that older people are just young people with kids, I realize that the only thing different between us and them is that most of them are too pussy to give someone younger a shot at the risk of tarnishing their name.
Developing your name is the key to making it in this world.
It is why when Lindsay Lohan wears a pair of giant sunglasses, every girl in the country decides to do the same thing.
It is why people read when Bill Simmons tells us about the English premiere league, the equivalent of me taking you for my annual Tony’s preview.
My throat is still sore and I am still paying the price from the first leg workout in about a year that I did on Monday. So it goes.
VCD,
SM
First and foremost are these sunglasses that apparently every woman in the country decided to start wearing. You know the ones I'm talking about. That pair that covers the entire woman’s face.
One of my hipper girl friends was in town this past weekend and all she could talk about is how she wanted an even bigger pair.
What is it about women? First Uggs, then those little mesh slippers with the flowers on them. Is there some sort of rule that inspires women to go find the most hideous fashions and make them trendy?
Sorry for that rant, but I must have seen 13 pairs of those on my drive to work.
Two things sports-related are really starting to irk me. One is Bill Simmons, the other is Marty Noble’s mailbag and the idiocy of what seems like all Met fans.
First Bill Simmons. Like Dave Matthews band in college and most other suburban legends, I jumped on the Simmons train late. I only started reading his columns over the last year or so and even read his book, Now I Can Die in Peace, about life as a Red Sox fan leading up to their World Series title.
At first I really liked Simmons. He talked to us as readers, he was one of our pals. He told us about the episode of Lost that he just watched and then tried to compare it to something in sports. I like Lost. I like sports. It worked.
But of late, I have noticed a few things. Mainly, Bill Simmons doesn’t know a lot about sports.
Bill Simmons’ decline in many ways resembles the decline of Johnny Drama in season 3 of "Entourage".
For the first two seasons, Drama’s comedy was natural. It wasn’t forced, he was just sort of there, much like Stifler in the first American Pie. He wasn’t the centerpiece of the show, yet in many respects he was able to steal the show.
In season 3, Entourage tries to pound Drama in our face. He says his Dramaesque lines even when they are not necessary, as if to fulfill some sort of quota.
I see a lot of that in Simmons. Only in the opposite way.
What made Simmons great was not his knowledge of sports. Like most Boston people, he knew a ton about Boston sports and only what he read in SI about the rest of the league.
We loved him because he wrote to us as our friend, the guy on the couch, who watched the big game with us, drank beers with us, and then watched 24 with us.
Recently it seems things are changing. All of a sudden, all Bill Simmons wants to talk about is sports.
And that sucks!
Look, the guy writes for ESPN; of course he has to sprinkle in his sports talk. But seriously, Simmons is just average when it comes to writing sports.
If I have to read about one more guy making his pantheon, I don't know what I'll do. I get it, Dirk’s good. So is Zidane. Christ. Remember back in 2000 when Carl Everett was getting close to reserving a spot in your pantheon, Billy? It’s like me adding Alay Soler after his 3rd start. Straight Pantheon.
Then there is yesterday’s article where Simmons tells us which premiere league team he will follow this year. Oh boy! A guy who knows nothing about soccer telling us about... soccer.
Mr. Simmons is slowly becoming a member of my pantheon, right there alongside Uggs, Yankee fans and those big sunglasses, Simmons will join my pantheon of things that are well, shit. And it's too bad, the dude really had something going.
Then there are Mets fans. As we approach July 31st’s deadline, we here at Y2K will give you a lot of opinions, insight and whatnot about potential deals.
The one thing I want to say is this. More likely than not, nothing big will happen.
Teams don’t just throw superstars away. So yes, it will require trading Mike Pelfrey or Lastings Milledge to get a Barry Zito or a Dontrelle Willis.
No, there is no other way to avoid this.
Unfortunately, the Mets do not have depth in their system. We have a couple of big names and not a lot else.
And I think trading Milledge is the absolute wrong move. Remember when Reyes struggled out of the chute?
There is a reason why our organization (and all of baseball for that matter) has been in love with Milledge for 3 years, which means that three shaky weeks, a terrible series at Fenway and one incident of being overzealous with fans should not change our opinions about this kid.
They are called growing pains for a reason. Did we all expect this guy to hit 30 home runs this year? That would make my pantheon of ridiculous expectations from Mets fans.
Which means that there are a few best case scenarios.
If we decide to go after Livan Hernandez, we get him because the Nats truly don’t want him and are willing to give him up for change.
The second, a little bullpen help. Truth is, I don’t really see too much available.
We all need to realize that baseball is extremely balanced this year. There are less than five teams in all of baseball that are completely out of it who might be sellers.
By the way, just saw another pair of sunglasses, these ones were especially huge.
Does Julio Lugo’s speed and defense excite me at 2b? Sure. Do we need him? Not really.
The truth is, I think the Muts will end up standing relatively pat. There is not the type of player that makes sense for us to go after, either by investing one of our big prospects, or that we can get for cheap.
What we see now, is what we will probably get in October.
You can add that to the pantheon of things that I am pretty sure of this Thursday, along with my shirt being wrinkled and my cinnabun/beef jerky breakfast combo that I have grown to love over the last few weeks.
Again, apologies for the tirade, but not really. As I get older and realize that older people are just young people with kids, I realize that the only thing different between us and them is that most of them are too pussy to give someone younger a shot at the risk of tarnishing their name.
Developing your name is the key to making it in this world.
It is why when Lindsay Lohan wears a pair of giant sunglasses, every girl in the country decides to do the same thing.
It is why people read when Bill Simmons tells us about the English premiere league, the equivalent of me taking you for my annual Tony’s preview.
My throat is still sore and I am still paying the price from the first leg workout in about a year that I did on Monday. So it goes.
VCD,
SM
posted by Sippy Momo at 12:11 PM
5 Comments:
Agree with your sentiments on Simmons. Another annoying aspect of his column is, as much as I used to love his mailbag, I see it now as a bunch of people trying to write exactly like him, as to get posted. Irritates the shit out of me.
Disagree on Drama. This past week he was completely on point, especially creating a Drama character in the Godfather Game.
Quick Balco Update:
4 game slide with the tonks in an inexplicable 2 for 18 streak after starting the first half of the season on a .650 tear. I've been scouted as a straight pull hitter and the opposition has had the shift down to a science.
Funny you should mention Stifler. Reading the New York Daily News' Rush & Molloy gossip column this morning, I came across this little morsel:
"Sean William Scott turned heads when he showed up at Los Angeles gay bar Heat on the arm of David Geffen..."
Does that mean Stifler's gay? If so, I definitely didn't see that one coming.
Yes, AFOMG, I'd say either he's gay or alternatively he's gone blind and Geffen happened to be there to guide him through traffic. Either way, as you say, I didn't see it coming. As for you, Sip, that doesn't exactly sound like the breakfast of champions; in fact, I'd call the local poison control center and just inquire about the combination of cinnabon and beef jerky which I think may be radioactive. But it's your stomach.
In response to FOY Nominee, Hound, let me just say that my stomach just told me who was boss on my most recent trip to the gentlemen's room.
You might be onto something.
They just taste so good.
Have we missed the deadline to submit this column for the Pulitzer?
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