$155 Million Dollars Worth of Paris Hilton
So the Yankees marched into Shea this weekend. As always Derek Jeter led the way for our crosstown rival/nemesis/team we want to kill.
Only this team from the Bronx that showed up at Shea was far less intimididating. 1-3 the lineup was great.
Damon-Jeter-Giambi
Their 4 guy looks about as intimidating as Ross from Friends at a science lecture.
And their 5-8 Cano-Williams-Cabrera-Stinnett looked a ton like a decent AAA team.
Then there was the pitching. Johnson, Mussina and Small. It really just seemed like a bunch of pretty old guys in their last days.
So what was going on? These are the Yankees. The team that we all hate and fear. Couldn't be.
Then I realized, these weren't the Yankees that we all know and love (to despise).
These were the homeless Yankees.
This Yankees team only made roughly $155 million dollars!!!
To think that I could overlook this! With the $45 mil that makes up Matsui, Sheffield, Posada and Pavano, this Yankee team was so far from the $200 million behemoth that we've grown so accustomed to -- of course they wouldn't be intimidating.
Quoting Bobby from the Bronx, "These weren't the real Yankees. Maybe if we took Delgado and Beltran from the Mets it would be alright. But this game didn't even matter. Our payroll was only like $150 million."
So the Yankees were missing roughly $45 million (that's the D-Rays and Marlins combined, for those keeping score at home) and it showed. The best team money can buy all of a sudden seemed unimposing.
The fact is, only one player in this lineup scared me the entire weekend, Derek Jeter, which was really weird to think. I actually sat there and said to myself, "Good for this guy."
Ten years later and he is the only thing consistent to show of this team.
Damon swings like a girl and throws like a retarded girl.
Giambi is amazing at walking.
Then there is A-Rod. I was glad to see he went deep on Monday night against the Red Sox, leading the Yankees' charge down 9-0 in the 9th. This guy is just hateable. My god is he hateable.
Finally, the starting pitching. There just isn't a lot there anymore.
Randy Johnson is throwing 93 mph. That's not 98 mph. The result? All of a sudden dudes are crushing him.
As good as Mussina has been, he's getting up there.
And the rest of the staff just isn't good.
I think it is really important to realize how bad of a job Brian Cashman has done putting this team together. How can you have a $200 million payroll and not one dominant starting pitcher? Not one.
I don't know why it is that baseball insiders love this guy. He did nothing to put together the championship teams of the late 90's.
Fact is, this guy is about as good at putting together a baseball team as he looks like he would be. That is, he is an angry little man who doesn't belong in the game.
So over the course of the weekend it killed to me be watching the subway series games with 1 and 2 Yankee fans.
Jordan, a pretty solid Yankee fan, watches pretty much every game and knows his stuff. Then big Maciej, a diehard, who had the presence of mind to enter for the 9th inning of Sunday's game to throw in a couple of "good fights" during Miguel Cairo's AB against Wagner.
They were good fights. Kind of like the Mets "battling" on a daily basis, an Art Howe soundbite that always got Mets fans oozing with love for the old skipper, a guy named Bobby Valentine.
I knew that I hated the Yankees. I knew I hated their fans. I knew I hated everything about them.
Yet, when I tried to argue with my Yankee fan friends I found myself not being able to dominate the conversation. I was clearly right and they were clearly wrong as all readers of this site can agree, yet the words couldn't make it out of my mouth.
But then as I was watching E! it hit me as America's princess, Paris Hilton, mozied across the screen.
For some reason, despite bringing zero to the table and being very hateable, America loves this girl.
People like to talk about hating her yet she still is always there, always in the spotlight making tons of money. There are just enough shitty people that actually like her, that believe her autograph is worth seeking that she stays afloat.
She is famous being for famous.
The Yankees, my friends, are the Paris Hilton of baseball.
They are so hateable. They are loved for having more than everyone else. Yet there is nothing likeable about them. The team has no personality and certainly no heart.
They are simply the best thing money can buy and for America that is enough. That is why we see more Yankee hats than anyone else and why Yankee games are always sold out despite so many people finding the team truly wrong.
The Yankees are famous for being the Yankees. To the casual baseball fan/New York transplant, the Yankees are what is cool and hip about baseball. They are America's past time. For that reason, people like them.
I need more time to expand on this one and I would appreciate some feedback in the comments section, but I am pretty sure I hit this one on the nose here.
Whenever I need to tool a Yankee fan or just feel right and happy with the team that I will root for I will just think of Paris Hilton and everything will be ok.
Yeah the girl is hot, but would you ever be proud to bring her back to your mother? I know Mama Momo ain't having that, even if her name was Paris Hiltonsteinowitzberg.
VCD,
SM
Only this team from the Bronx that showed up at Shea was far less intimididating. 1-3 the lineup was great.
Damon-Jeter-Giambi
Their 4 guy looks about as intimidating as Ross from Friends at a science lecture.
And their 5-8 Cano-Williams-Cabrera-Stinnett looked a ton like a decent AAA team.
Then there was the pitching. Johnson, Mussina and Small. It really just seemed like a bunch of pretty old guys in their last days.
So what was going on? These are the Yankees. The team that we all hate and fear. Couldn't be.
Then I realized, these weren't the Yankees that we all know and love (to despise).
These were the homeless Yankees.
This Yankees team only made roughly $155 million dollars!!!
To think that I could overlook this! With the $45 mil that makes up Matsui, Sheffield, Posada and Pavano, this Yankee team was so far from the $200 million behemoth that we've grown so accustomed to -- of course they wouldn't be intimidating.
Quoting Bobby from the Bronx, "These weren't the real Yankees. Maybe if we took Delgado and Beltran from the Mets it would be alright. But this game didn't even matter. Our payroll was only like $150 million."
So the Yankees were missing roughly $45 million (that's the D-Rays and Marlins combined, for those keeping score at home) and it showed. The best team money can buy all of a sudden seemed unimposing.
The fact is, only one player in this lineup scared me the entire weekend, Derek Jeter, which was really weird to think. I actually sat there and said to myself, "Good for this guy."
Ten years later and he is the only thing consistent to show of this team.
Damon swings like a girl and throws like a retarded girl.
Giambi is amazing at walking.
Then there is A-Rod. I was glad to see he went deep on Monday night against the Red Sox, leading the Yankees' charge down 9-0 in the 9th. This guy is just hateable. My god is he hateable.
Finally, the starting pitching. There just isn't a lot there anymore.
Randy Johnson is throwing 93 mph. That's not 98 mph. The result? All of a sudden dudes are crushing him.
As good as Mussina has been, he's getting up there.
And the rest of the staff just isn't good.
I think it is really important to realize how bad of a job Brian Cashman has done putting this team together. How can you have a $200 million payroll and not one dominant starting pitcher? Not one.
I don't know why it is that baseball insiders love this guy. He did nothing to put together the championship teams of the late 90's.
Fact is, this guy is about as good at putting together a baseball team as he looks like he would be. That is, he is an angry little man who doesn't belong in the game.
So over the course of the weekend it killed to me be watching the subway series games with 1 and 2 Yankee fans.
Jordan, a pretty solid Yankee fan, watches pretty much every game and knows his stuff. Then big Maciej, a diehard, who had the presence of mind to enter for the 9th inning of Sunday's game to throw in a couple of "good fights" during Miguel Cairo's AB against Wagner.
They were good fights. Kind of like the Mets "battling" on a daily basis, an Art Howe soundbite that always got Mets fans oozing with love for the old skipper, a guy named Bobby Valentine.
I knew that I hated the Yankees. I knew I hated their fans. I knew I hated everything about them.
Yet, when I tried to argue with my Yankee fan friends I found myself not being able to dominate the conversation. I was clearly right and they were clearly wrong as all readers of this site can agree, yet the words couldn't make it out of my mouth.
But then as I was watching E! it hit me as America's princess, Paris Hilton, mozied across the screen.
For some reason, despite bringing zero to the table and being very hateable, America loves this girl.
People like to talk about hating her yet she still is always there, always in the spotlight making tons of money. There are just enough shitty people that actually like her, that believe her autograph is worth seeking that she stays afloat.
She is famous being for famous.
The Yankees, my friends, are the Paris Hilton of baseball.
They are so hateable. They are loved for having more than everyone else. Yet there is nothing likeable about them. The team has no personality and certainly no heart.
They are simply the best thing money can buy and for America that is enough. That is why we see more Yankee hats than anyone else and why Yankee games are always sold out despite so many people finding the team truly wrong.
The Yankees are famous for being the Yankees. To the casual baseball fan/New York transplant, the Yankees are what is cool and hip about baseball. They are America's past time. For that reason, people like them.
I need more time to expand on this one and I would appreciate some feedback in the comments section, but I am pretty sure I hit this one on the nose here.
Whenever I need to tool a Yankee fan or just feel right and happy with the team that I will root for I will just think of Paris Hilton and everything will be ok.
Yeah the girl is hot, but would you ever be proud to bring her back to your mother? I know Mama Momo ain't having that, even if her name was Paris Hiltonsteinowitzberg.
VCD,
SM
posted by Sippy Momo at 12:05 AM
2 Comments:
whatdephukyo? i tried to leave u guys a damn comment and the shit erased! anyway, jeter is the only position player on the yankees i respect. simply because he is good and he plays hard and he tries to fuk as many broads as humanly possible. Gshef is mad cuz his wife was havin sex wit RKelly (before shef and he did not know), Arod is wak in sooo many ways( we all dont have time to list them(it is almost lunchtime)), allegedly, hideki broke his wrist the night before his injury(allegedly he was jerkin off a lil tooo vigorously), anyway fuk it jeter is nice. bernie woulda be nice if he aint toss the pill like a parapelegic with a torn rotator cuff.
I remember the days when reyO and jeter came up and the city was buzzing about which kid was gonna be the better player...oh well yanks 1 mets 0 on that battle. anyway thats too much yankee lovin im out my dudes. keep up the good work; u are an inspiration.
anyway does reyO and KazuO have eerily similar swings?
Yeah, the Yanks definitely got the better end of the Rey-O/Jeter sweepstakes, but that didn't stop Continental Airlines from posing the question again in that commercial with Bobby Valentine and Joe Torre circa 1999. The screen flashed messages about the differences between the two, one of which was "They don't agree about who's got the best shortstop in town", or something to that effect.
That commercial always embarrassed the more youthful A.F.O.M.G. You had to love Rey-Rey, but by 1999 this question had been conclusively answered. Jeter averaged a BA of .320 an OBP of .390 between 1996 and 1999. Ordonez? .244 and .290.
He did, however, become the first Met to successfully reverse his fortunes by dying his hair an absurdly bright color in the 1999 campaign, a tack which Mike Piazza would take two years later in the midst of a dreadful start to the 2001 season. To this day if a player on the Mets is struggling, if studing film or extra BP don't do the job, my next recommendation is hair dye. Anyone else think it might be time for Cliff to start looking into a platinum blond dome?
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