The Mets Go Hollywood!
Amidst the Mets 4-1 start I possessed a lot of emotions. The one at the top of the list was clearly excitement.
But beyond these emotions, there was one thing that I couldn't get out of my head. What were these Mets going to do after baseball?
And as I sat there, my thoughts drifted to Mets teams past, and inevitably, I found the answer as I thought back to Todd Zeile: the only business after being a ballplayer is show business. Being an actor is the only gig that could possibly provide the paychecks, babes, and other perks that come with being a professional ballplayer.
The good news for this batch of Mets players is some of them resemble some of Hollywood's finest unlike few teams I've seen. Let's have a look.
1. Xavier Nady as Randy from The Real World San Diego
When Nady retires from patrolling RF at Shea, it's off to MTV studios for a run as a stunt double on the Real World-Road Rules Challenge XI...Older and Better. Whether it works out or not, the good news for the X-Man is that I'm pretty sure that resident SNY babe Julie Donaldson has a love jones for him.
2. David Wright as Wes Bentley
Some people say that D Wright's swing is the most beautiful thing that they have ever seen. I, personally, think the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen is a plastic bag floating around in the wind. So in American Beauty II, Still Beautiful, the colorful David Wright will be taking over for young Wes as the confused and angry but nonetheless captivating teen.
3. Carlos Delgado as Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
After Delgado is finished mashing dongheimers off the scoreboard at Shea, he could easily be relocated to an island 1000 miles off course somewhere in the Pacific.
As the replacement for Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Delgado would once again use his mashing skills to good use, as the former drug dealer turned heroic beast, Mr. Echo.
4. Tom Glavine as Kris Benson
There wasn't enough talk about this year. But while Tommy was off playing good old veteran, Kris Benson was setting up his inevitable post-baseball reality show with his wife, pop tart Anna Benson.
In what would make for an interesting challenge on the show, Anna would have to guess which Met/former Met pitcher is her husband. If she gets it wrong, she would, well, fuck every dude in sight.
5. Jorge Julio as Julian Griffith
It may have felt like back to the future for Jorge Julio when he re-emerged as his youthful self in the 2001 smash, Hardball, starring Y2K Hall-of-Famer Keanu Reeves.
As Jefferson, the pudgy fat kid on the team, Julio showed his love for being out of shape and his passion for the team. That and a terrible case of asthma which may explain why he ran out of steam in game 2 of the season.
6. Jose Valentin as Waluigi
Some of our older readers may not have been around when Wa came to town. Waluigi was the evil cousin of Luigi, the lovable green guy from Super Mario Bros. Valentin's emergence as a villanous and EXTREMELY SNEAKY character in the late 90's concerns a Young Sip. What is this guy plotting?
7. Cliff Floyd as Wood Harris
Uncle Cliffy: Left Side!
D Wright: Strong Side!
Uncle Cliffy: Left Side!
D Wright: Strong Side!
The two would yell as they bang each other's helmets as Uncle Cliff reenacted his magnificent performance in Remember the Titans. He starred as Julian Cambell, the hard nosed DE committed to winning football games and making friends with enthusiastic white dudes. It makes so much sense why Cliffy and D Wright are inseparable.
8. Ramon Castro as King Hippo
Staying in the video game theme, Castro burst onto the boxing scene as King Hippo in the 80's classic Mike Tyson's Punchout!. I may be mistaken, but Hippo was the real fat guy who you would have to knock in the belly. Sounds familiar to the way Shitty Trachsel and Co. pound wild pitches into Castro's chest protector.
9. Royce Ring as Scott Caan
Caan, a nominee for Y2K's best supporting actor in a football movie as Charlie Tweeter, needed someone to shoot those grueling football scenes for him. He was too busy taking down percasetts and beers and banging out sophomores with his tongue.
In comes Royce Ring. Ring stepped in mightily to the #82 jersey to help lead the West Canaan Coyotes to victory... That was for you, Cousin.
So there you have it. Life after baseball for some of our favorite Metsies.
Vaya con dios,
Sippy Momo
But beyond these emotions, there was one thing that I couldn't get out of my head. What were these Mets going to do after baseball?
And as I sat there, my thoughts drifted to Mets teams past, and inevitably, I found the answer as I thought back to Todd Zeile: the only business after being a ballplayer is show business. Being an actor is the only gig that could possibly provide the paychecks, babes, and other perks that come with being a professional ballplayer.
The good news for this batch of Mets players is some of them resemble some of Hollywood's finest unlike few teams I've seen. Let's have a look.
1. Xavier Nady as Randy from The Real World San Diego
When Nady retires from patrolling RF at Shea, it's off to MTV studios for a run as a stunt double on the Real World-Road Rules Challenge XI...Older and Better. Whether it works out or not, the good news for the X-Man is that I'm pretty sure that resident SNY babe Julie Donaldson has a love jones for him.
2. David Wright as Wes Bentley
Some people say that D Wright's swing is the most beautiful thing that they have ever seen. I, personally, think the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen is a plastic bag floating around in the wind. So in American Beauty II, Still Beautiful, the colorful David Wright will be taking over for young Wes as the confused and angry but nonetheless captivating teen.
3. Carlos Delgado as Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
After Delgado is finished mashing dongheimers off the scoreboard at Shea, he could easily be relocated to an island 1000 miles off course somewhere in the Pacific.
As the replacement for Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Delgado would once again use his mashing skills to good use, as the former drug dealer turned heroic beast, Mr. Echo.
4. Tom Glavine as Kris Benson
There wasn't enough talk about this year. But while Tommy was off playing good old veteran, Kris Benson was setting up his inevitable post-baseball reality show with his wife, pop tart Anna Benson.
In what would make for an interesting challenge on the show, Anna would have to guess which Met/former Met pitcher is her husband. If she gets it wrong, she would, well, fuck every dude in sight.
5. Jorge Julio as Julian Griffith
It may have felt like back to the future for Jorge Julio when he re-emerged as his youthful self in the 2001 smash, Hardball, starring Y2K Hall-of-Famer Keanu Reeves.
As Jefferson, the pudgy fat kid on the team, Julio showed his love for being out of shape and his passion for the team. That and a terrible case of asthma which may explain why he ran out of steam in game 2 of the season.
6. Jose Valentin as Waluigi
Some of our older readers may not have been around when Wa came to town. Waluigi was the evil cousin of Luigi, the lovable green guy from Super Mario Bros. Valentin's emergence as a villanous and EXTREMELY SNEAKY character in the late 90's concerns a Young Sip. What is this guy plotting?
7. Cliff Floyd as Wood Harris
Uncle Cliffy: Left Side!
D Wright: Strong Side!
Uncle Cliffy: Left Side!
D Wright: Strong Side!
The two would yell as they bang each other's helmets as Uncle Cliff reenacted his magnificent performance in Remember the Titans. He starred as Julian Cambell, the hard nosed DE committed to winning football games and making friends with enthusiastic white dudes. It makes so much sense why Cliffy and D Wright are inseparable.
8. Ramon Castro as King Hippo
Staying in the video game theme, Castro burst onto the boxing scene as King Hippo in the 80's classic Mike Tyson's Punchout!. I may be mistaken, but Hippo was the real fat guy who you would have to knock in the belly. Sounds familiar to the way Shitty Trachsel and Co. pound wild pitches into Castro's chest protector.
9. Royce Ring as Scott Caan
Caan, a nominee for Y2K's best supporting actor in a football movie as Charlie Tweeter, needed someone to shoot those grueling football scenes for him. He was too busy taking down percasetts and beers and banging out sophomores with his tongue.
In comes Royce Ring. Ring stepped in mightily to the #82 jersey to help lead the West Canaan Coyotes to victory... That was for you, Cousin.
So there you have it. Life after baseball for some of our favorite Metsies.
Vaya con dios,
Sippy Momo
posted by Sippy Momo at 2:24 AM
2 Comments:
Like this post a lot, but when did you become this huge video game nerd? I'm not one to talk here but for all the shit I've gotten over the years for playing Civ 2 I wouldn't have expected a reference to Waluigi of all people.
WOW, Scott Caan, I mean WOW. I hope this is far from the last reference to the greatest actor of the 21st Century.
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