Tonight Was a Good Night

What's up all,

So over the last couple of Fridays I have served up some interviews with a ton of celebs. Some have been true... well, most have been untrue. Today's post is something else entirely. I promise you now, on my love for my father, that the following recap of the night that was is true. It shouldn't have been a great night, but that's exactly what it turned out to be.

As I write this, the truth is I'm pretty bombed. It is 3 a.m. here and I am sitting on my toilet seat spitting out what was my most recent meal. Take the fact that I am writting while doing my dirty work as evidence of my commitment to this blog.

The following takes place between 6 p.m. and 3 A.M., the day of the Golden State Warriors' loss to the San Antonio Spurs.

Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum...

1:35 a.m. - I am sitting at IHOP with Roommates Maciej and Jordan and OBF MD. A good night was just had. I order a chicken fried steak. It seems right at the time. I also order a coke. I close my eyes and think about the events that brought me here...

6 p.m. - Fresh off a cute little conversation with Julia H, my cute little SF girl friend, I am figuring out my night.

6:12 p.m. - Me and roommate Timmy decide to go to the Warriors/Spurs game as opposed to not going. I understand that this is upwards of a $40 investment. Between transportation, drinks and dinner I am spending a ton of money that is better off going to groceries, but hey, I can't resist Warriors basketball.

7:14 p.m. - Me and Big Maciej get off the train to the game and have serious talk about my life, the girl that I love back in NYC, and my future in SF.

7:30 p.m. - I arrive at our seats and see Eva Longoria sitting 2 rows in front and 3 seats over from me. She is smoking hot in person.

7:36 p.m. - Introductions... Tony Parker is introduced, all the drunk people in my section heckle him and yell at Eva, who is really, really hot.

8:41 p.m. - The Warriors are up 2 at the half. This is not abnormal... The Warriors dominate the first half. For all you bettors out there, pound the Warriors' first half line. They always come out great and choke in the 4th...

8:43 p.m. - Me and Big Maciej go to the player's lounge looking for Eva...no bites. We go to a concession stand and throw daps to Terry Porter.

8:55 p.m. - Surprise, surprise...The Warriors are down 4 with 9 minutes left in the 3rd...

9:46 p.m. - Somehow, and I mean somehow, the Warriors are tied with 3 minutes left. Eva looks amazing. I am a few beers in, the courage has worn loose and I have already started shouting "Depserate Point Guards!" when T Parker reached the line, commencing a serenade of "you don't deserve her." My section likes me.

9:49 p.m. - The Warriors are down 3 with a minute and change...there is no way they can win this game

9:53 p.m. - Of course, the Warriors lose. An attempt at a 3 at the buzzer by D Fish falls flat and leaves the the Warriors short.

9:55 p.m. - Me and Big Maciej make bets on when Adonal Foyle will be in the players bar. It usually takes him 14 minutes from the final buzzer to be dressed and at the bar....

10:19 p.m. - WHERE THE HELL IS ADONAL? We sit in the lounge and look at the table next to us. There are a bunch of Persian tool boxes with 5-6 women, aged 30, all of whom are perfect from the neck down. I'm talking the fakest breasts money can buy, perfect bodies...etc...Except their face reminds me of well, the giant load I just left in my toilet.

10:26 p.m. - Troy Murphy enters the bar. He is completely out of NBA dress code. Long sleeve t, sweats, and sneakers. Of course, he goes straight to the strippers. Was really funny considering the man often brags in the clubhouse about how the night before, "he shot a porno."

10:30 p.m. - MD comes into the clubhouse.

10:50 p.m. - We arrive back in SF. We get some pizza and a few pitchers. We are going to meet with my little biddy and some of her friends, one of whom roommate Maciej is into. Unfortunately, Maciej's ex happens to be at the same bar so we need to stall a little bit

11:20 p.m. - We finally get word that Maciej's ex is leaving the bar so we head over.

11:30 p.m. - We arrive, good old times. My little girl, fresh off a sweet Coldplay concert with Sippy Momo himself is in awe of the situation greets young Sip with supreme happiness. This girl is adorable, but no girl from home. J Schubes knows.

1:20 a.m. - The night is coming to an end. Little Coldplay girl has to go home to go to work the next day. To think the girl has to go to fucking work.

1:25 a.m. - Me, Maciej, Jordan and MD head to IHOP

We arrive where I first began...AND NOW IT GETS GOOD.

1:50 a.m. - We are talking the night just the four of us. It is Sex and the City for Dudes. A depressing night, no one is getting ANY (Pops, son is a virgin) and we are all preparing for a night of disgusting food. I look down at an appetizer when in he arrives....

1:50:43 a.m. - "What's going on fellas." I look up, OF COURSE. As if my SF journey hasn't been adventourus enough, who is it? Once again, it's my old friend from a few weeks back, ERIC BYRNES

1:51 a.m. - Byrnesy joins us at the table with his pal growing up. I'm pretty sure he is wearing the same clothes he wore the last time I saw him a few weeks back. I immediately wish that J Schubes was here. He would be creaming his pants right now.

1:52 a.m. - Byrnesy starts talking girls. He is the most outgoing person in the world: "If you're looking for pussy you go to NY, LA, or South Beach...but you guys want to know the next best place? Scotsdale, AZ." Byrensy just signed with the D-backs and is a homeowner in Arizona and loves the talent out there.

1:55 a.m. - We are talking geography and transportation... "So Byrnesy, when you come into the city how do you get in?" asks my buddy Big Maciej.
"Well a bunch of things, bro," says byrnesy with intense enthusiasm. "Sometimes, I'll crash on my bro's catch. But mostly I'll just grab a limo. They charge just like $500 for the night," he nudges at Mike. Mike acknowledges and I yearn for employment.

1:58 a.m. - The pain in my solarplexus is unmatched. It feels like I just drank a ton of shitty beer and then just ate chicken fried steak from IHOP... Oh wait...

1:59 a.m. - Byrnesy confirms that Josh Byrnes, the recently hired GM of the DBacks, is a really good guy. We talk a lot about Sabermatrics and the guy is actually very knowledgable and impressive. He knows a lot about the Harvard school of baseball. It's a really interesting talk.

2:04 a.m. - Conversation somehow gets to the recent A&E movie about American Airlines Flight 93... Byrenesy gets truly involed

2:19 a.m. - Byrnesy has been talking for 15 minutes straight. He is truly passionate about the subject. He turns out to just be a really good guy, that happens to have been blessed with decent baseball skills and much more, an intense passion for life.

2:16 a.m. - We all wonder if Byrnesy is juicing. Dude is fucking jacked

2:19 a.m.: The check comes...Byrenesy pulls it away immediately. This guy knows how good he has it.

2:22 a.m. - We sit in the parking lot. We offer Byrnesy an invite to our Super Bowl party to which he offers a maybe but probably not, because he is already committed. MD has given us 64% clearance that Zarko Cabarkapa will be at our house which means that there is a 22% that Andres Biedrins will be in attendance... Life is really good.

2:42 a.m. - We arrve home. My stomach is truly killing. I walk immediately to the toilet and sit there for 20 minutes, starting this column from my favorite place in the world

3:02 a.m. - I leave my toilet seat and come to my living room couch. Maciej is playing Jordan in FIFA and Jordan is humping the floor comparing his FIFA game to Darnell Jefferson's freshmen season in "the program."

3:03 a.m. - I check my gmail and see that my former love turned fatal attraction "Psycho Janie from Georgia" has asked me to be her friend on the Facebook. I haven't spoken to this girl in 18 months since she tried to move into my house at the end of my senior year of college when she was an 18-27 year old run away. She was beautiful and had a sweet southern accent and tried to murder me in my sleep. Let's just say that I am genuinely freaked out right now.

3:05 a.m. - Jordan tells me that I have improved my FIFA game tremendously but that I play the game way too much.

3:06 a.m. - Bout ready to go to sleep I realize that I spent last night eating with two of the sweeter white athletes the Bay area has to provide. I got a pretty sweet contact with the A's today that may hook me up with a job (Note: this is sweet contact Part III none of whice have worked out so far)

3:07 a.m. - I remember that my good pal and only friend that I look up to, Danny D, is coming into town tommorow and I get really fired up.

Good night all. Life ain't so bad. GM in 6 years.

VCD

SM