An Ode to Gambling

While Sip takes in the light contemporary sounds of Coldplay with their unique mix of rock and pop, cousin is checkin in with a top ten list of his own. I, like Young Sip, despite also being dealt a pretty great hand in life, am in a more comfortable place when I am miserable. But also like him, I do have certain things that make me happy. And at least ten of them related to America’s Actual Favorite Past Time: Gambling. So in deference to the Gambling Holiday that arrives this Sunday, Here are my top 10 reasons why gambling is great.

10. The Box Pool.

Super Bowl Parties are a double edge sword. The great thing is, they are an excuse to get bombed at 6PM and eat unnecessary amounts of fried food without feeling guilty about it. The downside is these get-togethers mix two great tastes that don’t taste great together, that being women and sports.

Therein lies the beauty of the box pool. It is gambling that will even keep the most sports-uninterested girl from flapping her irksome gums during the game. It takes absolutely no skill at all, and outside of the initial irritation of having to hear her inevitably ask the question, “Are these numbers good?” it keeps them paying attention to the game and not holding awful side conversations about God knows what. The downside is, even if there are only two chicks there, they will inevitably win two of the quarters.

9. Maverick.

Before Infamous Jew-Hater Mel Gibson made the beautiful “Braveheart”, and Anti-Semitic “Passion of the Christ”, he brought us “Maverick”, probably one of the most fun movies of all time. With an ensamble cast including Jodie Foster the only time she looked bangable, Alfred “Doc Ock” Molina as the Spaniard, James Garner, and James Coburn, I am no movie buff, but there must be at least 600 Oscars in that bunch.

However, what made this light-hearted movie so great was that it was about the poker game we all grew up with. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Hold’em as much as the next guy. But something will always bring me back to the 5 card draw and the seven card stud games we grew up on.

The simple days where we it was unheard of to fold and it was tough to win a hand without a royal flush because deuces, aces, one eyed faces, and the suicide king were all wild. And when the Commodore utters the lines, “I have two pair 8’s and 8’s, it is probably one of the highlights of my movie watching existence.

8. Proposition Bets.

As I write this I am in the process of watching the Nets- Pistons Game. Antonio McDyess just blocked a Vince Carter lay up, and it brought me to my feet. Am I a Pistons Fan? Do I hate the Nets? Did I bet on the Pistons? Did I bet on the under? The answer to all of these questions is in fact, No. I found a nice prop bet of Vince Carter over/under 25 points, and I took the under.

By the time you read this I will have won or lost (won) a few bucks, but as a gambler I found yet another way to make an event that is thoroughly uninteresting AND I have no idea how to bet on, exciting.

7. NBA Basketball has been made watchable.

Growing up I was about as big a Knicks fan as you could find. However, with the succession of horrendous GMs that culminated with the worst GM in sports history, Isaiah Thomas, the sport has been rendered unwatchable for me and many in the tri-state area.

Unwatchable, that is, until I decided to start placing wagers on games. There is a whole new dynamic to a sport when you can actually root for a team that gives you a reason to root for them. Yet, another reason that gambling is such a wonderful thing and which leads me to Number 6…

6. This Super Bowl has been made watchable.

I hate the Steelers. I couldn’t care less about the Seahawks. The reasons for my feelings on this have been covered in previous posts by Young Sip. I too go to Blondies and have to hear the awful, awful Steelers fans dominate the bar. And there is just nothing entertaining about the Seahawks. Ask yourself this question, “Have I ever met a Seahawks fan”?

Few things intrigue me about this game, one being the over/under on times we have to hear this week that Jerome Bettis is “Going Home” to Detroit, and the Seattle celebrities they try to find to interview about their “favorite” team.

However, throw some size on the game, and all the sudden GO SEAHAWKS!!

5. “Rounders”.

This movie made poker. Granted, the backlash of having to hear every hack poker player recite the memorable lines ad nauseum has made me hate hearing them, but this movie started a revolution.

Plain and Simple, poker rooms fill, and the WSOP is one of the highest rated shows on cable the last few years, because of the exploits of Mikey McD and Worm. Despite another cast chock full of Oscar-caliber actors, it was panned by the critics as horribly acted (most notably at the time, current It Girl, Gretchen Mol playing “the chick”). However, the gambling emotions seemed legit. Damon really had me convinced when he went back to Teddy KGBs. It was like Buckner returning to Fenway.


On top of that, Teddy KGB is the most quotable movie character in history. I will not take arguments on that.

4. Atlantic City/Las Vegas.

Although these two Meccas of Degenerate Living are vastly different, I group them together for the sake of this argument. That is because gambling has found a way to turn two of the biggest wastes of space in our great country into two of my favorite places in the world.

I am a man who loves his New Jersey, that being said, South Jersey is a different story. That place sucks. And, there is nothing trashier then the area right around the Atlantic City strip. I think the two most indicative aspects of the area are the “Gun Free School Zone” signs, and the nearly 100% chance you will see stray dogs fighting. However, Donald Trump and Gambling have managed to take that area and turn it into one of the most enjoyable and trendy places within driving distance of NYC.

Similarly there is nothing as worthless as the state of Nevada. Until they decided to legalize gambling, the biggest thing going on there was extensive military testing. Look it up. It is also the only place bringing in billions in revenue, that if I walk away saying I won a grand and that I own the Bellagio, people understand exactly what I mean.

(Note: when we take Vegas by storm mid-March and kill shit sick nice it will move up to number 1 on this list)

3. Fantasy Football.

It is a fact: over the last 10 years Fantasy Football has been the single biggest boost to NFL popularity. Unlike fantasy baseball, which was in reality created first, the NFL has embraced the hobby, and it has paid off in large dividends.

There is no way for the fan to feel closer to the sport then having his own team. In the same way that the NBA has found new life in my world, Arizona Cardinal games mattered this year because I had Larry Fitzgerald. I also didn’t have to bet on EVERY game, because I had a stake in all of them through my fantasy team.

(Note: I was Division Champ/Fantasy Champ, bringing in a cool $975 -- yet another reason to love gambling.)

2. March Madness.

Bracket Pools/48 games in the first 4 days make this the greatest gambling weekend of the year. When else in your entire life do you get to live on the edge of your seat for 40 minutes as a die-hard Santa Clara fan? Either you went to Santa Clara, or you had Arizona losing in the second round and the first round loss has everyone that had the two seed going all the way (like inevitably a young Tonks did, because he picked 'Zona every year) already knocked out.

1. The Back Door Cover.

I have experienced many highs and lows in this lifetime. But nothing compares to that moment in a blowout when only the people with action on the game are still watching. A pick six for no reason, when all hope was dead. Going for it from the one when a kneel will do the trick. They are sporting moments made solely for the gambler, and that is why they are so damn special. When you get to stand up and cheer in a 30-point blow out, you know it is something special.

That’s all for now. Good luck on the Super Bowl and Happy Betting.

And as always, GO KNIGHTS! I'ts signing day, and the Knights got TWO **** recruits. Big Day on the Banks.

- Cousin Tonks