New York is Dead

(Note:" The following post contains an NSFW picture, specifically, the exposed buttocks of Team Facelift's Fat Jew. It's very tastefully done but you probably want to avoid the lower third of this post if your boss is lurking nearby. That said, enjoy.)

Mesh hats and Uggs floating through the city. Rich waspy kids rocking blazers and blowing coke on the street. Awful Long Islanders with their hair gelled to a statue getting ready for a night out at one of NYC's finer one word clubs.

These things embarass our city.

New York has so much. It has such a rich culture, tremendous architecture, vast diversity and, most importantly to me, a great sports culture.

I never gave New York it's due. But having been in San Fran I realize now that New York is a pretty great sports city. I think other cities are more passionate. I spent four years in Philadelphia and will admit that that city as a whole cares more about its teams than NY.

Still New York has always been a great place to watch a game.

Back when the Knicks were led by Pat Riley I rocked my "Tough Town, Tough Team" t-shirt with intense pride.

As Dan Devine once said, "No one, and I mean no one comes into our house and pushes around."

In the late 90's and beggining of the millenium, Chipper Jones and John Rocker would enter Shea to the chorus of intense boo's, batteries and anti-hick remarks.

New York was simply put, a tough place to play.

That ended Tuesday. I thank god I wasn't there to experience it first hand because if I had been I might have been reduced to tears.

Indeed, every ounce of toughness New York ever had as a sports town ended with the sounds of 3 letters.

M.V.P!

Kobe Bryant came to the garden last night and dominated the Knicks. The Lakers defeated the lowly Knickerbockers 130-97 in yet another embarassing loss for the Larry Brown-led Knicks.

But this result isn't abnormal. The Knicks suck and as we have told you here before, will continnue to suck for at least 5 years. There is zero hope for this team. ABSOLUTELY ZERO.

But that is another story.

Tuesday night, while I was white boy dancing to the sweet sounds ofChris Martin, the garden was serenading Kobe Bryant with a welcoming, positive chant of MVP, MVP!

What has happened to New York?

Even in the days of Michael Jordan, when every person in the country was enamored by the greatest basketball player ever to play the game, Michael received a mixed greeting an player introductions, and then was constantly booed and heckled for the remainder of the game.

But on Monday, Kobe walked in. And Kobe is the worst.

Sure he may be great, but he is a dickhead, a cliched super star, and really, really unlikable.

He is the guy that gets girls that every dude hates.

He is a wine connoisseur.

He drinks latees.

He isn't tough. He isn't New York basketball.

Unfortunately New York has changed.

In this era when half of the city is in love with Derek Jeter and the other half is in love Alex Rodriguez, New York has turned into something that I never could have imagined it would become.

New York has become LOS ANGELES.

Sports have become an event instead of a passion.

Sports have grown and nice instead of tough and mean.

We were supporting Kobe Fucking Bryant.

This guy is Derek Jeter except for one thing. He didnt lead a New York team. As much as I hate Derek Jeter, I can see why Yankee fans love him. He is the clear leader of the Yankee powerhouse and championship run of the last 10 years.

But this is Kobe. We as New Yorkers are trained to hate him.

Yet we let him come into the Garden and greet him not with boos, but with the warmest of welcomes. We give him a cheer that has only been earned by one player in our lifetimes, Patrick Ewing, when he was leading the Knicks to Eastern Conference second fiddle in the early 90's.

All I can think about is the lyrical masterpiece that is "New York is Dead," by my good pals, Team Facelift.


The song talks about how everything in New York has changed, been corrupted by the yuppie invasion.

Lyrics include:

"Every fly bitch under 30 thinks she's pretty/ thinks she's a character on Sex and the City."

"A couple years ago/ every bum passed out holding a bottle/ now every homeless cat is a male model."

"New York is dead/ people riding horses."

The song is pretty awesome and the show is great. We consider them the official white rap group of Y2k.

Still, these guys are right.

New York is dead.

If Kobe Bryant, the most hatable superstar in the NBA can be greeted the way he was, maybe New York no longer deserves its respect. Maybe the city is so corrupted that it has become LA, where phoniness is real.

Ashamed,

SM