RIP Giants and 5 Things To Look Forward To

So as many of you know, the Giants played the worst football game maybe ever on Sunday. The text messages that followed were, each of them, equal parts sad and hilarious. For instance:

Happy Will wrote: Happy Will is officially not happy
Johnny Boozwell: At least we still have the Knicks
Jimmy Thumbs: I feel like I want to shit down Eli's throat
Tenacious Rebounder Bryan: It hurts. Bad. Real Bad.
T Kid: That was embarassing
Mama Momo: Sip, you better marry a Jewish girl or your grandmother will spin in her grave
Angry Irish Patty: I'm embarassed 4 defending Eli all season that yokel fuck
Little Shorty from SF: What the fuck

But as you all know from yesterday's post, it was Camper Zach who put it right: "Hey man, at least 24 starts in one week".

So, yes, we're caught in what is undoubtedly one of the worst times of the year for a sports fan: the post-football, pre-baseball interlude that can only be dominated by basketbal if you're a fan of a team with an actual pulse (3 wins in a row? Did somebody say New Knicks?). Salt.

The good news is that in the midst of our post-New York football Giants depression, there are 5 things to be excited about in the month we've got before pitchers and catchers report to camp. If these don't work, well, you can try Eli's method, and get over the depression like a true New York Giant.

Oh, to be young and a sports god in New York. Salt on the Sip.

1. Baron Davis' quest for a little blonde Jewish girl from the marina

See, Baron Davis, aka BD, Boom Dizzle, is about as cool in person as he looks like he should be on television. After every game Baron has some of the finer groupies that the Bay Area has to offer waiting for him in the players' lounge. Usually decked out in a nice suit and a flat brim (thereby adhering to the NBA dress code), Boom takes care of his business. But all he wants is the one thing he can't have.

According to our official SF, Baron repeatedly seeks "a little white jewish girl from the marina." See, the marina is the yuppy part of SF often frequented by the likes of SM and his SF roledog, a young Maciej Lampe.

Unfortunately for BD, and Mama Sip, the truth is that SF isn't exactly loaded with the women of Yisrael. Oh well. I have a goal now: to take care of my favorite PF from Crossroads. So for my many female readers out there, if you're little, blonde and Jewish, give me a shout. It'll get you a good story/notch on your belt and it'll get me some instant street cred with half of the NBA's coolest backcourt.

2. Spring Training and Eric Byrnes' first spring training in Oakland

It looks like the Mets are pretty much put together for '06. Lets pray that Pedro gets back to form and that the spring leaves us healthy and happy.

Right now I still think the Mets are one Pedro injury away from being a .500 team, which, needless to say, scares the pants out of me. We will see.

Of more immediate importance, we here at Yankees2000 are rooting for our Player of the Week, also an early Player of the Year candidate, Eric Byrnes.

Coming off a relatively subpar season (10, 40, .226) our boy Byrnesy can only go up. This guy is the type of player that everyone would love, and at 2.5 mil per he is earning more that me and AFOMG will in the next 75 years. And he is worth every penny.

3. The Gauntlet II

For those of you not already on board, damn you're missing out. This show is pure entertainment. 32 Real World/Road Rules veterans competing in amazing physical challenges for the chance at prize money, D-list celeb status and Y2K Show of the Year status.

The characters range in age from about 21 to 45, see Mark from the first Road Rules for instance.

But there are some groundrules. Among them, every dude basically has to be completely roided out and every girl has to be somewhat hot, except Cara, who is a queen, and possess an SAT score no more than 2/3 the score of SM.

It is unreal. My favorite characters by far? The Brad, the greatest meathead of all time, he of the "why you beefin' dog?" fame; Jaime, the Buddhist from New Orleans who has a proper zen analysis for everything; and Cara the playmate who is just super hot.

And, in the further future, it may not get better than when Wes from Austin makes his debut on the Gauntlet III.

According to Wes, "All we did at Arizona St. was prepare for the Gauntlet. I live for these challenges. Doing challenges and slaying groupies, that's all I know."

This could be a nice way to get the message board going again (Hint to readers: Get your shit going with that. The more you say, the more we can say.)

4. A possible Bears vs. Patriots Super Bowl

The reason: Yanni the Great.

Yanni has achieved gambling legend status for two of the greatest futures bets of all time.

Back in 2002, he took down over 60K at 45:1 for the Nets to make the NBA Finals in Jason Kidd's first season with the Nets.

Then, this last offseason he took down another 50k with an Astros to the World Series bet that he made when they were about 10 games out in the start of June. When he called SM and asked for his opinion, my words, "you're better off taking that money and using it as toilet paper". Just shows you what I know.

So anyway, Yanni the great has done it again.

This year, about 2 months ago when the Pats were off to an impressive 5-5 start, Yanni threw down $5,000 at 20:1 for the Pats to win the Super Bowl.

In addition, about 2 weeks later he threw down another G at 130:1 on the Pats to beat the Bears in the super bowl. (Note: SM has $10 of that bet)

So if for no other reason, root for gambling history and root for Yanni. Pats vs. New Bears!

As Casey Casum once said, "It's a nice idea."

5. This Sunday is the best day of the New Year

First, playoff football. Should be exciting, always is. But more importantly (and for me to say that when we're talking about something being more important than football should tell you how serious I am), the greatest show ever to hit television returns.

That's right, Jack is back.

When his gun is up like that, you know he means business. For all of you that don't watch, you're foolish. Even my parents watch. It is that good. Find me a person that doesn't like 24 and I will wear a Yankee hat to opening day at Shea.

So after what is supposedly a couple if years of hiding, someone needs Jack to save the day. And you know what that means? Monday nights for the next 4 months will be perfect.

So salt to the Giants. Come on guys, We got a lot more than we possibly could have expected and we are still young. The line on both sides will get better. Eli will get better. The secondary can't get worse. There is a lot to be excited for in 06-07.

Seriously though, get on the Gauntlet. Even you, Chip. It is cheap, amazing entertainment.

I know Kung Fu,

SM