Monday Night Salt

Things have been going great with this site. I enjoy writing, AFOMG makes my nonsense somewhat readable and it's nice being involved with something you're passionate about with a friend who shares a similar passion.

It takes a lot to bother me in regard to this site.

Sure, if the numbers are down, which hasn't been the case in a while, I am upset. (Keep up the good reading and keep up the word-spreading).

The occasional comment from an unhappy reader gets to me a little, but usually I can shake it off.

Not until Monday, when I checked the comment board did I get truly angry:

Sudoku Puzzle said...
Have you already heard about Sudoku? It's a japenese logical game. On Daily-Sudoku-Puzzle, it's very easy and free: you can play online with colours, print ...The rules are very simple. A short animation explains in 1 minute how to play :

Some fucker was spamming a game that I truly hate, on our baseball site. I coudn't get this out of my head all day.

I hate Sudoku, the puzzle game where you have to align a bunch of numbers. I can't explain why I hate it I just do.

So today we embrace 10 things (in no particular order) that I despise. In honor of the time when I'm writing this, we'll call it Monday Night Salt.

Note: I purposely saved 24 for after I have written the column to put me back in a good mood.

10. Yankee Fans

The worst in the world. For every person who is a lifetime Yankee fan, there are 100 that claim to be.

Every asshole from the midwest that moves to New York and gets a job anywhere on Wall Street becomes a Yankee fan.

I was sitting in the Park Ave Country Club one night (owned interestingly enough by my pal who messed up my shoulder) where there was a table of 8 really nerdy bankers. I'm not normally one to judge, to each his own.

But then it got to me. It was some game, I think it was the one against the Devil Rays where the Yankees overcame like an 8 run lead in the 8th inning.

Sure it was exciting and I was glad to see the phony Yankee fans smile. I like smiles.

But then I heard it. The little Indian kid in the bunch (no disrepect to the real Sippy) spit it out: "Ok, I'm definitely a Yankee fan now."

To which the fellow geeks all applauded.

This is NYC's worst in a nutshell.

Really made me sad.

Plus how can you truly root for A-Rod.

9. Those little mesh slippers w/ the flowers on the front

Seems like most girls, including all awful Jewish girls have these and I don't know why. They are really, really ugly.

On top of that it looks like they are made out of cardboard.

Did I mention they are really ugly? They make me yearn for the days when Uggs were the hit.


8.Negators

Just wanted to throw in a 90210 reference here. Back when Kelly Taylor was under the influence of a cult led by the evil Patrick Finley, it was negators that would block her progress.

Well I don't like people blocking my progress, so to all you negators out there. Salt.



7. Pittsburgh Steeler Fans at Blondies

I'd have no reason to hate this team except that their fans overrun my favorite bar every Sunday. The putrid noise of their fight song, "Here We Go", which happens to be really catchy, still irks me.

Plus, how is that everywhere you go in the country, there are 10 Steeler Bars overflooded with Steelers fans?

Is Pittsburgh that big of a city?

Has it had a meaningful athlete since the days when Andy Van Slyke, Bobby Bo and Barry Bonds were tearing up the NL?

It all just confuses me.

Either way, there was not a better moment this year than after the Steelers lost to the Ravens and a drunken fired up J Schubes went into the main room of Blondies ready to take on all of Steelers Nation.

That was the closest I was to pissing my pants since the days of "Not the Coffee Shop" with cousin.
On that note, you should all rent LAUDERDALE. It was the first Cinemaxesue soft core porno to circulate around the Sippy Momo family and was recently purchased for my cousin, 2 copies, for his wedding.

6. The Seattle Seahawks

I can't imagine a less interesting Super Bowl team. At least the Steelers have Ben Roethlisberger. Is there a single player on Seattle that non-Seahawks fans root for? There just can't be.

Unless for some reason you love dudes named Lofa.

But seriously, can people not from Seattle or Alabama like Shaun Alexander? He doesn't blow you away with anything. He is just really good. AND BORING.

Still, for those interested, you're geting +600 on Shaun to score the first TD in the Super Bowl. For those who don't like the line but are looking for a reason to make a play, this could be your value. Have a look.

5. Girls who have best friends named Lindsay who are amazing

This kind of goes back to the awful Jewish girl thing, but doesn't it seem like they all have best friends named Lindsay, who are AMAAAAZING?

First off, I don't think I know single girl named Lindsay who is amazing, nor can I imagine that there are that many amazing Lindsay's out there.

It may just be the case that every single "Amazing Lindsay" in the world went to one of Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana or GW, which would explain how I managed to miss out.

But to all my male readers out there, I don't know too much about women, but my one piece of advice is to stay away from all girls who claim to have a friend like this.

Not Lindsay herself, but the girl that thinks Lindsay is amazing.

4. Dudes who wear blazers out at night

Maybe if you are coming from work or you are really into that emo look with the blazers, but otherwise it is just too much.

Unless you are married you should not be wearing blazers out at night and married people shouldn't be out at night at bars (no disrespect Chipper, I know you and Mom like the occasional cocktail).

It just makes all the non-blazer people look underdressed even though the odds are that you're in a place that doesnt warrant a blazer one bit.

3. Diehard Knicks Fans that don't understand the salary cap and don't understand why the Knicks make me so sick.

Not trying to sound like a sports snob here, but I guess it will come off that way no matter what.
There are so many Knicks fans out there who love everything about the team but don't understand the business of the game.

They assume (most likely because they are Yankee fans) that when LeBron becomes a free agent in a year and change that the Knicks will outpay everyone and get him.

Not the case.

Isiah Thomas has probably done the worst job in the history of all business (I was an Economic History major, this was my go to).

It's not that I hate the Knicks, it is just I hate him and the whole Knicks/Yankees moron culture so much that I have sworn off Knicks basketball.

For the Happy Will's out there who are knowledgable and just more loyal to the team, I mean no disrepect to you. You stay happy.

2. Temple

Now I'm not real religious at all. I usually go for an hour and change on the three holidays to please the folks.

I just think it is so damn boring.

It also bothers me that a room of people who don't all believe in god are praying to him.

For those like my pops that just find the experience peaceful, I think that is great. It is for that reason that I go to Shea all the time or to the same extent listen to Coldplay. They calm me down.

But for people there without a true purpose, I think it is kind of disrespecful to those who are there for something important to them who are looking to share that experience.

For all you Chrisitians out there, at least your reception is in English, except for the Catholics some of the time.

1. That second after 24 is done and your adrenaline has died down and you realize that you have a full 167 hours until you get to see the old girl again.

As many of you may have figured out by now, I swear by Jack Bauer and 24. It's truly the best. But that one minute when you know you are at the point in the week that is furthest from next week's episode is like poison to the veins.

It's like that point at a Casino where not only have you lost all your original money that you took out, but you've also lost the money you took out after you lost your entire first withdrawl and are flat broke.

You need to get back on that table and win it back. But you can not. You are hopeless. You have zero resources and you are rendered helpless.

It kills you cause you need more and just can't have it. It is Cold Turkey at its worst.

So there you have it. From those mesh slippers to Yankee fans to temple, the 10 things that really piss me off.

You might call them the Anti-Keanu's.

VCD

SM