10 things that sucked in '05

So on Thursday I am off to Cabo for New Year's. It's a much needed vacation after a rough 6 weeks of intense unemployment, but hey, I'll take it. So this now leaves today and tommorow to provide my year in review.

As many of you may have picked up, Young Sip is a bit of a pessimist, even a cynic, you might say. So today I wanted to start off with 10 things I hated about 2005 or things that I was happy about that were indeed, negative.

10. Carlos Beltran

7 yrs, 119 million dollars and this is what we get out of this guy. While most Mets fans knew that we overpaid, that we couldn't expect 39 hr's hitting in shea, most Mets fans, myself included expected 25,100, .285 w/ 100 runs and 30 sbs.

Not even close.

Hopefully this can be chalked up to the pressure of playing in a new city. It better be. And by the way Carlos, why don't you use some of that money to remove that giant pimple by your ear. While I know the Mets don't adhere to Yankee rules on aesthetisism, come on now man.

9. Mark Ruffalo

Fuck this guy. As my good pal and Goat's main confidant "Kevin the Meathead" pointed out, this guy is a deuce. I mean, what a D-bag. Mark F'ing Ruffalo. Why don't you make some more cheesy ass movies you jerk.

Everything Ruffalo has touched of late has turned to salt. "Just Like Heaven" and the recent Christmas dud, "Rumor Has It", both tanked. And thank god. These role should be going to the Chris Klein's of the world.

8. Paralegaling

The worst job in the world has swallowed the likes of SM, AFOMG, J Schubes, JD and Nick the Voice. Talk about a waste of time. Throw a bunch of smart 23 year olds in an office and try and get them to do the dumbest shit possible.

Thing is, I shouldn't really complain. I think I had the easiest job in town. In my 14 months on the job I started one failed t-shirt business, a ticket brokerage, commisionered 4 fantasy leagues, researched and pounded Y2k's stock of the year, AOB, and watched "Point Break" on DVD enough to truly appreiciate the beauty that is Keanu Reeves.

7. The New York Knickerfuckers

All of our loyal readers know my feelings toward the Bricks. I dont know how many of you guys caught tonight's clunker, but boy do they stink.

Tied for the 2nd worst record in basketball, the Knicks are the disgrace of New York. Even Happy Will is sad: "The Knicks make me unhappy," said Happy Will. That's messed up. This guy believes in Santa Claus.

6. The inevitable cancellation of Arrested Development.

I caught onto this show late, but it is pretty unreal. It's just hilarious, smart, witty. Essentially I am the opposite of the target audience. See, I like cheap humor and things that don't really make you think; witness, for instance, my Keanu Reeves addiction. But even this one got me and it saddens me. Apparently Fox wants to replace it with another show about dancing with your grandmother or some shit. Oh well.

5. The Yankees lost again

This goes under the category of things that make me happy that are negative. God do I love seeing these guys lose. I love seeing Randy Johnson, the biggest sellout/coward in the world losing the deciding game. A-Rod hitting into the big double play. Everything about that game 5 was perfect and I was at Blondies where water turns to Jaeger. Awesomely bad.

4. Greg Raymer's continued success at the World Series of Poker

Now this may come off as insensitive, but this guy is one thing and one thing only: A fat loser. He's just such a dork that I hated to see him win and continue to do well. Those glasses make me sick and he is just the type of guy I don't really wish success on, in a similar way to the asshole Jewish kids from UPenn that decked themselves out in Black, cheesified the campus only to go to prominent investment banking jobs where they make a ton of money and buy happiness.

Note: Completely irrelavant, but Mark Wahlberg is currently singing "Stand up and Shout," in the 2003 smash "Rock Star" on tv now, which is making it really hard for me to think negative.

3. Black Friday Revisited

So let me take you back to the first friday or March, 2004. Brown was at Columbia laying 2. Behind Jason Forte, Luke Ruscoe and Patrick Powers, Brown was clearly the #2 team in the Ivy's. Columbia stunk was a joke and should have been a 10 point dog. So I pounded the shit out of Brown unlike any other game in my life.

This was it.

Brown was up 11 w/ 12 minutes to go. They were the better team. I was out to dinner with my father and my grandparents and was noticably distracted. Then it happened. Columbia went on some ridiculous 41-18 run and won by double figures.

So this year, not realizing the anniversary, I threw down some action on all four of the night's festivities.

Note: Ivy league games are played on Friday's and Saturday's and during my sophomore and junior years of college were the easiest games in the world to play.

The result: 0-4, 4 of the worst non-covers of all time. Im talking backdoor up the wazoo from the other side.

So there it is. The first friday in March. Officially my least favorite day of the year and a day that no man should ever bet on.

2. The OC turning into the worst show of all time

Season 1 I was a huge OC guy. I thought it was awesome, entertaining, great, fierce. Every positive in the book. Ryan was beating ass, Marissa was yet to suck, Luke played the most likable surf-meathead of all time and Seth's quirkiness was still likable.

Season 2 came and went and kind of stunk. But still, off the fumes of Season 1 it garnered my viewership.

But this season became flat out unwatchable. I gave the first three episodes a try and then stopped. For me to give up on a show, that says a whole lot. I watch terrible shows.

But not this one. Marissa went to a new school met a deuce and a kid named Flounder or something, Ryan wsa still tough but annoying. The show was just unwatchable.

And that saddens me.

Me and Lucy Girl used to partner up for our weekely college OC drinking game and now that memory is somewhat salted.

Note: Rock Star is awesome:

Jerk: "Wouldn't you rather fail as yourself than succeed as someone else?"

Marky Mark: "Maybe you can write me a song about why in the hell I would ever want to do that."

Heck of a line.

And now, drum role please. Clearly one thing this year was truly salty. Truly made me sick. Made me want to punch someone in their neck.

1. Johnny Fucking Damon

What a jerk. I hope the guy had a bad Christmas. I hope he saw people on the street who made fun of his lisp. I hope Josh Beckett, sweet chin hair and all, drills him in his face.

I've said plenty about the former JD that I don't really know what else to say.

But this guy is the worst. I hope there is an ice storn in New York this winter that blinds you.

That's all from Scroogey Momo. Tommorow I bring the happy things of '05, of which there are plenty.

Happy 2nd night of Hanukah, Mom.

SM

AFOMG is taking over for me on Thursday for a week. If there is anyone that would like to write something next week give me a call. If you don't know me, find someone who does. But to unmask the true identity of Sippy Momo would be devastating